Canceling an NFL game causes an immediate increase in local crime

When you cancel a game, there's a crime wave that hits the town. There's an increase in evil that we call crime. So unless you want Canton, Ohio to be run over by thugs tonight, you better have that damn kickoff.

Ryan Tannehill is effectively retired because wide receivers cannot return from knee injuries

I'm going to say [Ryan Tannehill] is injured right now because a knee injury is impossible to come back from for a wide receiver.

The sun is scientifically cold because space is cold

Where do you land, by the way, on our theory that the sun is, in fact, cold? I'm a fan of the space that just seems to shut everybody down. Space is cold and everyone just... When you said you were willing to hear it out, I was just going to say space is cold. That's it.

Jaylen Brown will go on a revenge tour next season.

Jaylen Brown is gonna be on a revenge tour this year and I want him on the Celtics.

Jaylen Brown will not have hard feelings if he stays with the Celtics despite being offered in trades

If [Jaylen Brown] knows Brad Stevens is trying to do right by him. If it doesn't happen, he's not gonna come back and play like, oh, this is bullshit. I'm back on this team. It's gonna be like, yeah, didn't work out now. But, you know, I'm back, I'm back with his team. Let's, like, he still loves Jayson Tatum, he still loves City Boston Celtics.

There is a 35% chance Jaylen Brown gets traded in the next two weeks

It could definitely, I mean it, it, it's definitely like 35% chance [Jaylen Brown] gets traded in the next two weeks.