Skip to content
PMTPMT DB
Loss
HankHank

Tom Brady is likely in a secret cult that provides him with extraterrestrial medicine

When you have that much money and all you want to do is win, why wouldn't you spend it on extraterrestrial medicines? On anti-concussion mental exercises? Have you guys seen Batman, League of Shadows? He's probably in some type of cult or something... Alex Guerrero is just the front... but really, in the offseason, he's in some type of cult.

Unless evidence of an actual extraterrestrial cult emerges, this is safely categorized as a humorous and unfounded conspiracy theory.

More from this episode

View episode
Loss
Nov 1, 2017
#18951
Big CatBig Cat

Clayton Kershaw will close Game 7 of the World Series and finally get the monkey off his back

Clayton Kershaw, out of the bullpen to close Game 7 for the Los Angeles Dodgers... he does the old Steve Young, gets that monkey off his back. And the Dodgers, the great sports town of L.A., has a championship.

The Astros won Game 7. While Kershaw pitched 4 scoreless innings of relief, he did not close the game or win the championship.
Void
Nov 1, 2017
#18952
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are disappointed

The Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are good. That's what people always say. I don't really believe that. I like Los Angelinos to be very disappointed in all their sports because they have everything else.

This is a subjective preference about the state of the league.
Win
Nov 1, 2017
#18953
Big CatBig Cat

Kelvin Benjamin will lose his conditioning in Buffalo because of the winter and chicken wings

Kelvin Benjamin, who, by the way, did the Bills realize he's already kind of a hefty guy with weight problems and that he's going to be in Buffalo? Yeah, and wings. And a lot of beer... I feel like Kelvin Benjamin is going to get off the plane in Buffalo and be like, oh, I don't have to be in shape in this city.

Kelvin Benjamin's tenure in Buffalo was a disaster; he struggled with conditioning and production and was released after about a year.

More from Hank

View profile
Void
HankHank

Tom Brady helping Mike Macdonald prepare for the Patriots would be a huge slap in the face to the New England region.

That would be egregious if that was true. I don't believe it is true. But if it were, that would be unforgivable. Not unforgivable. That would be a, a blemish, a big blemish. Big time. It'd be a slap in the face of the whole region.

Subjective opinion on how a hypothetical rumor would be perceived.
Void
HankHank

Jayson Tatum is playing cute by claiming he found out about the Jaylen Brown trade on social media.

I'm sure he knew that he was on the trading block and he didn't know specifically when he got traded and he found out just like everyone else... all Brad Stevens, Jaylen Brown, they talked about how, you know, he was gonna be on the trading block and they were gonna try and move him. So I'm sure Jayson Tatum was also aware of that. But in terms of, he's probably playing a little, a little cutesy there where like no one specifically told him, 'Hey, this is the trade.' He found out like everyone else. But I'm sure he was not surprised and fully aware what the plan was.

Subjective interpretation of Tatum's PR framing.
Open
HankHank

The Celtics have another major move coming following the Jaylen Brown trade

There's something going on here. I I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown was getting traded. I could, I could just feel it. I could feel it coming... I feel like the Paul George thing is, there's the, like, they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming.

The trade just happened in the fictional 2026 timeline provided; further moves are pending.