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Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Attempting to keep Mike Zimmer's blood pressure low is an impossible task

Trying to keep Mike Zimmer's blood pressure low is like Sisyphus pushing that rock up a hill. Because that is a task that it's impossible. The second it lowers, it's going to spike back up again. He can't do it.

This is a hyperbolic personality assessment of Mike Zimmer's coaching style.

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Void
Dec 2, 2016
#26993
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tiger Woods intentionally shot over par because a 69 would have triggered his sex addiction

Tiger, as we know, is a sex addict, and we all have triggers when it comes to things. He cannot go out there and shoot a 69. He knew that. He knew that would be a trigger for him. [He would march] right back into a Hooters. It took a lot of mental strength for him to not fall into that trap.

This is a satirical theory that cannot be factually proven, though Tiger did literally shoot one over par (73) instead of a 69.
Push
Dec 2, 2016
#1257
Big CatBig Cat

Tiger Woods will never again look like his old self for four straight days at the highest level

Show me Tiger Woods four days in a row at the highest level. Not going to happen. Not going to happen. Not going to happen.

While Tiger did win the 2019 Masters (a high-level, 4-day performance), for the vast majority of his post-2016 career, injuries prevented him from consistent 4-day dominance.
Loss
Dec 2, 2016
#1258
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tiger Woods took a Monster Energy sponsorship because he wants to turn into a 'JV' version of himself

I'd like to see Tiger turn into Cabrera, the guy that smokes on the golf course. I'd like to see Tiger just embrace the new weird, washed up, second rate C plus JV Tiger and just start smoking.

Tiger never actually started smoking on the course like Angel Cabrera or John Daly, though he did lean into a different public persona later.

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Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.