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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Big Ben's trainers should make him sit in a cold tub if his injuries actually required as much ice as he wears

Icing down after practice [Big Ben] had like five huge bags on him. I don't even think that was a real tape job... trainers did not do that because think about this way if you're so injured that you need like six bags of ice the trainers are going to make you sit down, right? You're going to be sitting your ass in a cold tub.

Roethlisberger was notorious for exaggerated injury displays, lending credence to the sarcasm here.

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Aug 16, 2017·Null
#26262
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Driving under the influence on a Tuesday night is morally worse than doing it on a weekend

Is that really worse, to be driving under the influence on a Tuesday night? I think that it is, by the way.

This is a purely subjective moral judgment.
Win
Aug 16, 2017
#6117
Big CatBig Cat

Tiger Woods' low bar to be 'back' only requires him to swing a club once without pain

Tiger has the lowest bar to be quote-unquote back. All he has to do is swing one golf club once without keeling over in pain, and all the Tiger fanboys will come running and be like, Tiger at the Masters... red shirt.

Historically accurate depiction of the media cycle surrounding Tiger Woods' multiple comeback attempts between 2014 and 2019.
Void
Aug 16, 2017
#6118
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Golf is only interesting when Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson are competing on Sunday

golf is a better sport when tiger's competing on sunday... the ratings were all down... we need Phil or Tiger. Basically, we're going to be saying that forever... I guess just like Spieth and Rory and those, they don't do it for me.

Subjective opinion on entertainment value, though ratings data generally supported the 'Tiger Effect.'

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.