PMT DB
PMT DB
Dikembe Mutombo on the Finger Wag, Buying the Rockets, and the Sex Rumor
Tiger Woods is dominating the news cycle again for all the wrong reasons, but Big Cat and PFT Commenter are finding the silver lining. After his toxicology report surfaced following a DUI, the guys realized that while Tiger might have had a pharmacy's worth of substances in his system, he technically didn't lie about not drinking. More importantly, the bar for a Tiger comeback has never been lower.
Big CatTiger Woods' low bar to be 'back' only requires him to swing a club once without pain
Tiger has the lowest bar to be quote-unquote back. All he has to do is swing one golf club once without keeling over in pain, and all the Tiger fanboys will come running and be like, Tiger at the Masters... red shirt.
They also lamented the current state of golf, noting that despite the talent of the younger generation, the sport just doesn't hit the same when the old guard isn't in the hunt on Sunday.
PFT CommenterGolf is only interesting when Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson are competing on Sunday
golf is a better sport when tiger's competing on sunday... the ratings were all down... we need Phil or Tiger. Basically, we're going to be saying that forever... I guess just like Spieth and Rory and those, they don't do it for me.
Dikembe Mutombo Joins the Show
NBA Hall of Famer Dikembe Mutombo sat down with Big Cat and PFT for an incredible interview that covered everything from his legendary defensive prowess to his full nine-part name. When the conversation turned to his place in NBA history, Dikembe didn't hesitate to crown himself as the king of the defensive end, regardless of who PFT tries to compare him to.
Dikembe MutomboI am the best defensive player of all time
No, I'm still number one. [Over Dellavedova]... Yeah, I think I was the best I've ever done it.
Dikembe also discussed the evolution of the game and why the traditional, back-to-the-basket center seems to be a dying breed in the modern NBA. He doesn't think the position is obsolete; he thinks the coaching has just changed.
Dikembe MutomboThe 'back to the basket' center is dying out because coaches have stopped teaching the fundamentals
[The back to the basket center is going away] maybe because I believe the coaches are not teaching that much. I think it's about the principle. I don't think there's not a lot of coaches who are emphasizing on that game. Everybody wants to see how fast they can play and move the ball.
Of course, they had to ask about the most famous urban legend in sports history: the "Who wants to sex Mutombo?" story. While it's been a staple of locker room talk for decades, Dikembe is still on a mission to find the source of the lie.
Dikembe MutomboThe 'Who wants to sex Mutombo' story is completely false
I have defended myself. I have splendid myself, and I continue to splendid myself. Nobody don't know where that story come from... That story is not true. And I always even ask Alonzo Mourning, where did you get it? He said, no, somebody told me too.
Mount Rushmore of Dad Fashion
With August in full swing, it was time to honor the men who keep the cargo short industry in business. The Mount Rushmore of Dad Fashion hit home for everyone. Big Cat made a strong case for the foundational element of any father's wardrobe: the inexplicable tuck.
Big CatA tucked-in t-shirt is the foundational element of 'dad fashion'
One that we missed that I should have said... just tucked in t-shirts. Just getting a t-shirt and tucking it in for no fucking reason.
Other picks included Nike Air Monarchs, khaki baseball caps with the metal buckle, and the classic "Your kid's alma mater" golf polo. It’s a look that says, "I have a lawn to mow and I don't care who sees my white socks."
Hot Seat/Cool Throne and Segments
In a very meta Hot Seat/Cool Throne, PFT Commenter decided to cover his bases by putting every possible viewpoint of every issue in the same spot.
PFT CommenterThe 'all sides' of the political discourse are simultaneously on the Hot Seat and the Cool Throne
My hot seat is all sides. All sides are on the hot seat right now. Got to hear all sides. All sides are being heard. All sides are being considered. My cool throne is also all sides. So when all sides are on the hot seat, that also means all sides are cool throne.
PFT also gave a nod to the island of Guam for surviving a tense week of international relations.
PFT CommenterGuam is on the Cool Throne because North Korea backed down from their missile threats
Cool throne is Guam. The island of Guam. People forget that exists. Yeah, North Korea, they turned their missiles away. They cucked out big time. They said, guess what? We're going to point our missiles at our own belly buttons or something stupid.
The guys also checked in on Big Ben Roethlisberger, who was spotted at Steelers camp looking like he was auditioning for a role as an ice sculpture. PFT isn't buying the severity of the "injuries" based on the sheer logistics of the tape job.
PFT CommenterBig Ben's trainers should make him sit in a cold tub if his injuries actually required as much ice as he wears
Icing down after practice [Big Ben] had like five huge bags on him. I don't even think that was a real tape job... trainers did not do that because think about this way if you're so injured that you need like six bags of ice the trainers are going to make you sit down, right? You're going to be sitting your ass in a cold tub.
In fact, the diagnosis for Ben seems to be more mental than physical at this point in the preseason.
PFT CommenterBig Ben is a hypochondriac who spends his time searching WebMD
I think it's time that we officially diagnosed Big Ben as being a hypochondriac. Big Ben, when he's not on the practice field studying the playbook, he's at home searching WebMD.
Finally, Big Cat is smelling a conspiracy down in Durham. Coach K went in for knee surgery just as Duke landed the top recruit in the country, Marvin Bagley, and the timing is just a little too perfect for it to be a coincidence.
Big CatCoach K used his knee surgery as an alibi to recruit Marvin Bagley
Coach K went into surgery on Friday, and then boom, on Monday, the best recruit says, I'm going to Duke. Now, he went in surgery at Duke's hospitals, so is there a chance he just didn't go to the surgery, and that's the greatest alibi ever, and he was on a private jet greasing the wheels... for Bagley?
The show wrapped up with a very enlightened version of Guys on Chicks featuring the Wonton Don, who helped the guys explain the intricacies of internal anatomy and why some guys might need a little extra help from a blue pill.
If you see a dad in a tucked-in Senior Frogs t-shirt today, give him a finger wag for us.
