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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Billy Football's dog definitely thinks that Billy is a bitch

You know what? Billy's dog definitely thinks that Billy's a bitch. Billy's dog is like, 'Dude, we could have handled [the geese].'

The opinion of a dog is inherently subjective and cannot be verified.

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Void
Jun 16, 2023
#17367
Big CatBig Cat

Nikola Jokic isn't 'trying' to not care; he's just being an honest guy who wants to see his horses

I don't think Jokic is doing, he's just being himself. It's not like he's going online being like, Ooh, am I getting points for not caring. Like he's just being an honest guy. The guy wants to see his horses. He's not doing this for some payoff where it's like he's gonna gain some points.

This is a subjective assessment of a player's personality and motivations.
Void
Jun 16, 2023
#17368
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Las Vegas residents should boycott Oakland Athletics games in solidarity with Oakland fans

If I lived in Las Vegas, I would not go to an Oakland Athletics game once they moved to town. I think Las Vegas needs to stand, or at least threatened to stand with Oakland fans. It just feels dirty. I would not be comfortable supporting that.

This is a prescriptive opinion on how fans should behave.
Loss
Jun 16, 2023
#17369
Big CatBig Cat

I'm betting Tennessee at 8-1 to win the College World Series

I'm thinking about driving over to New Jersey and betting the College World Series. I think I'm gonna go Ball for life and take Tennessee eight to one.

Tennessee did not win the 2023 College World Series; LSU defeated Florida in the finals to win the championship.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.