Texas can never lose to Maryland in football

[Texas], you can't lose to Maryland in football. No, you can't do it. You can't.

College football teams should never actually schedule Alabama; just have your fan base chant 'we want Bama' but don't play them

Don't schedule Alabama. Just have your fan base chant, we want Bama, but don't actually play Bama... Beating the best is way overrated. As a Wisconsin fan, it's way more fun to just beat Purdue and Iowa every year and then lose to Ohio State in the Big Ten championship... [sneaking] in the back door and then have everybody say, hey, you are the best... It's actually pretty fucking awesome.

Florida's passing game has been so bad that Tim Tebow is their best passer of the last decade

The best passing quarterback that Florida has had in the last 10 years is Tim Tebow.

The Falcons are a real, flawed good team

I do think that the Falcons are real. Yeah. I think that they're a good team. They're a flawed good team.

The Falcons may have the NFL's best skill-position group

I think that if the Falcons can do that, they have maybe the best set of skill position players in the NFL. If you're able to protect Penix, he's good enough to distribute it and then just let their awesome players do awesome shit.

MLB's proposed check-swing replay would make everything a check swing

Yeah. Parallel with the plate. Yeah. That's what I thought the rule was. And apparently that's just not the rule anymore. If they ever bring this system to Major League Baseball, I get—everything's a check swing.