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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Coach K is essentially a war profiteer in college basketball

I think that Coach K is essentially a war profiteer. Pretending to care about our country, but really there's some ulterior motives... Coach K just getting to be friends with all of the NBA All-Stars and then when he goes on recruiting visits being like, 'Oh, you want me to FaceTime LeBron?'

Profiteering is a legal/ethical claim; here it's used as a hyperbolic metaphor for recruiting advantages.

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Apr 9, 2021
#17420
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Augusta National pipes in bird noises for the Masters broadcast

I'm more convinced than ever that the birds are actually piped in crowd noise. Agreed. There's one bird in particular. They play its call over and over and over. It's a cardinal, I think. They're getting sloppy with it. I think it might be a whippoorwill. But whatever it is, it's very obvious.

While CBS was caught using recorded bird sounds in 1990 and 1991, Augusta National and modern broadcasters maintain the sounds are natural, though the theory persists among fans.
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Apr 9, 2021
#17421
Big CatBig Cat

Bryson DeChambeau looks fat when he is playing poorly

When you're bigger and you're doing well, you're strong. And when you're doing poorly, you're fat. And he looks fat today. Not to body shame, but there's something about the plus four next to his name that the strength now becomes a little pudgy.

This is a purely subjective observation about visual perception based on athletic performance.
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Apr 9, 2021
#27310
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I like Patrick Reed more than Bryson DeChambeau because Reed is a genuine villain

I somehow like Patrick Reed more because he's more of a villain than Bryson is... He's the ultimate heel in golf. Bryson is like, he's an aspiring heel. [Reed] knows everyone hates him, and he kind of has just accepted it.

Subjective opinion on which golfer is more likable or a better villain.

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Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.