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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Every crime headline should include the sports teams the criminal roots for

Every time that there's a crime in the paper, if the detectives are able to figure out what teams they supported, they should include that in the headline. So like Pittsburgh Penguins fan hits Washington Wizards fan in a drunk driving accident.

This is a satirical rule suggestion for newspapers.

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Win
Dec 23, 2016
#15727
Big CatBig Cat

Grayson Allen should seek treatment for his tripping addiction

He's addicted to tripping. He's got a problem. He should go to rehab. Go to rehab for tripping. Seek treatment.

Grayson Allen continued to have multiple tripping/flagrant foul incidents throughout his career in both college and the NBA.
Void
Dec 23, 2016
#27701
Big CatBig Cat

Grayson Allen is everything I need in college basketball right now

Grayson Allen is everything I need in college basketball. And I think most Duke fans, the rational Duke fans, we have a mutual respect. I hate their guts. But they're like, you know what? [We] need [each other] to exist.

Void
Dec 23, 2016
#27702
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Coach K uses 'dizzy spells' and gray hair as deflection tactics when Duke is struggling

Look out for Coach K to maybe take a little heat off Grayson Allen, have a little dizzy spell sometime soon... Or he could grow the gray hair out a little bit and be like, you boys are giving me gray hairs. And then once they start playing well again, just dye it totally jet black again.

This is a satirical theory about Coach K's behavior patterns that cannot be definitively proven.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Brewers are what baseball fans say they want

The Brewers are everything that I think most people say that they want in a baseball team now. The knock against the direction baseball's been going for the last 10 years is you strike out, you hit home runs. And that's the way that you do it with the Brewers.

This is an evaluative claim about the Brewers' style and what fans want, so it is inherently subjective.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Broncos would have won with the quarterbacks reversed

If quarterbacks were reversed tonight, who wins? Broncos. I think Drew Lock on the Broncos would've won tonight.

This is a counterfactual opinion about a completed game and cannot be definitively verified.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The 24-team playoff is the ongoing Savannah-ification of sports

It's the ongoing Savannah-ification of sports in America. It's a sad day.

This is a broad cultural opinion about sports commercialization and cannot be objectively resolved.