Tom Brady is the GOAT of retirements

It's back-to-back retirements, two consecutive retirements for Tom Brady. He's the GOAT at that too. Not a dynasty, but a nice little run.

There is a 25% chance Tom Brady comes back from retirement

I listen, Tom Brady. Thanks. It does feel like he's officially retired this time. Would we say, you said 25% chance he comes back. I still think he can come back.

No one will ever win seven Super Bowls again

He is the greatest quarterback of all time. I know that there's now debates going around... Tom Brady was seven and three. I don't think anyone will ever win seven Super Bowls again.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.