Connor McDavid cannot win the big one

[Connor McDavid] cannot win the big one. That part is unfortunately true unless you count the Conn Smythe trophy as the big one.

NHL goalies should be pulled from the ice with at least four minutes remaining

I think the goalie should have been pulled with like six minutes left in the period... no, I think they just like four and a half... I think you pull the goalie super early... it should definitely be more than one minute 45 seconds.

Dog influencers use their pets' social media accounts to get dates

How often do you think fucking happens between two dog owners or a dog owner with that Instagram handle of their dog and uses the DMs to fuck? ... She slid into my goldendoodle's DMs... not Ms. Peaches because Dave is famous in his own right. I'm talking about like the people who have no fame, but their dog has insane fame. You definitely use that dog to fuck, right? A hundred percent yes.

The overturning of Folarin Balogun's suspension is the smallest piece of justice the United States has ever received from FIFA

The United States has never benefited from FIFA's corruption before, and it feels like we've been left out of that party. If this is our taste of the corruption, and all the corruption is just overturning a suspension that should never have been given in the first place... it's the smallest piece of justice that the United States could ever get from FIFA.

The sensor chips inside soccer balls are bullshit and not perfectly aligned with the cameras

I'm so deep into this chip in the ball thing, I've become convinced that it's all bullshit. The sensors, yes, they're there and yes, they pick up on stuff, but there's no chance that it is perfectly aligned with the 50 cameras that are running concurrently in the stadium on live TV at any given time.

Brandon Aiyuk is in a bad space mentally and will not be signing with the Washington Commanders.

The Washington Commanders have released Brandon [Aiyuk] today from the contract that he didn't sign with us and was never going to sign. Things got kind of weird over the weekend. So [Aiyuk] was saying like talking shit about Jayden's mom... I think that should probably put an end to the Brandon [Aiyuk] to the Commanders rumors. But I was never really on board for it, it's been weird for quite some time with Brandon. I hope he gets whatever help he needs. It doesn't seem like he's in a good space mentally. And it seems like even his best oldest friends have tried to help him and he just burns those bridges too.