A-Rod probably saved sports and the world by talking to President Trump

A-Rod probably saved sports and the world but I'm not bragging about it... Sports will probably be back before you even know because President Trump called up A-Rod on Friday night.

A-Rod used to buy three custom suits for every rookie on his team to teach them how to dress in the big leagues

A-Rod every year would buy every new player on the team, every rookie who was coming up, three new custom-made suits... he'd take them to his tailor, he'd buy them three suits and say 'this is how you have to dress, you're in the big leagues now kid.'

I could survive retirement if I were able to gamble on sports every night

I might never be able to retire because I'm like a worker bee that needs to be working... if I had the ability to still gamble on Sports at night? Would that keep me working enough? Because that just part that you have to pay your you have to pay your gambling debts... I think the answer is yes.

I will never learn my lesson and will continue to believe in the Houston Cougars for the next four years

If you think this is going to deter me from believing in the Houston Cougars for the next four years, you are sadly mistaken. I will never learn my lesson when it comes to this team.

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday because he has enough people sucking his dick

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday by the way. Fuck, fuck that guy. He's got enough people to suck his dick and wish him a happy birthday. Awful announcing quote that. I hope I do it again next year.

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.