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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Le'Veon Bell should fake a concussion test to get out of playing

He could probably do it. Also, he could just go and get concussed. That's true. That would probably be the easiest thing to do is just fake screwing up your concussion test. Right. Count backwards from seven and just count backwards from two every time.

Bell never reported and sat out the entire season.

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Win
Sep 28, 2018
#18089
Big CatBig Cat

The Rams are officially the team to beat in the NFL

I feel so proud of our friend Jared Goff, and the Rams are officially the team to beat. Circle them, put them on the pedestal. They are a fucking juggernaut.

The Rams went 13-3 and reached the Super Bowl, though they lost to the Patriots.
Loss
Sep 28, 2018
#18090
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

All signs are pointing to a Jared Goff vs. Blake Bortles Super Bowl

All signs are pointing to a Jared Goff-Blake Bortles Super Bowl right now. We're going to have to be in attendance wearing the jersey that Brady Quinn's sister used to wear when Quinn played against A.J. Hawk.

Blake Bortles did not make the Super Bowl; the Jaguars went 5-11.
Win
Sep 28, 2018
#18091
Big CatBig Cat

The Bucs vs. Bears game is an elimination game for the playoffs

The Bucs and the Bears, I have dubbed this an elimination game. So the loser will not make the playoffs. The winner will, unless the Bears lose.

The Bears won and made the playoffs; the Bucs lost and missed the playoffs.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.