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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

MLB pitch velocity will decrease by 0.02 mph this year due to the new shot clock rules

This guy Corky knows his shit. He is projecting right now an average decrease in pitch velocity this year of 0.02 miles per hour. Whoa. Because the new shot clock rules. So yeah, keep that in the back pocket. We're gonna see slower fastballs this year.

MLB average fastball velocity actually slightly increased in 2023 to 94.1 mph from 93.9 mph, contradicting the prediction.

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Void
Feb 27, 2023
#16384
Big CatBig Cat

The college basketball chaos on Saturday was triggered by Fran McCaffrey's stare down with the referee

I think Saturday we got the chaos all because of Fran McCaffrey's stare down. It was from that point on the day, just went off the fucking rails. There's nothing like a good old fashioned coach just staring at a referee so close and neither one of them was gonna walk away.

While nine ranked teams did lose that day, attributing it to a stare down is inherently subjective and comedic.
Loss
Feb 27, 2023
#16386
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from his cat, which is why he's messing up player names

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from living with his cat. Oh. That's why he's messing up names. But I mean, is it really a mess up? Because Chaz Chisholm [Jazz Chisholm] is just a Hall of fame name.

This is a satirical medical claim about a sports broadcaster.
Void
Feb 27, 2023
#16387
Big CatBig Cat

I would rather be a grumpy, triggered sports fan after a loss than be numb to it

I absolutely let my team's success dictate my mood. I was very upset, grumpy, mad... people should be applauding the fact that I'm a grumpy triggered bitch after my teams lose. Because I could easily just remove myself... but I don't. You'd rather care way too much than be completely numb to it.

This is a philosophical stance on sports fandom.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.