I'm reporting that Aaron Rodgers is retiring (per my arch-nemesis Aaron Nagler)

My arch nemesis, Aaron Nagler... he actually told me breaking news that Aaron Rodgers is going to retire... he was actually crying when he told me it. I had to like console him. He cried on my shoulder.

Steakhouses in Indianapolis are engaged in a spicy cocktail sauce arms race

I noticed the shrimp cocktail sauce was spicier than normal. I think they're trying to compete with St. Elmo's. It's an arms race... St. Elmo's is going to eventually just burn your mouth off and be like, 'here's your bill'.

James Harden has finally figured it out and will have smooth sailing with the Sixers

I think that James Harden, he's really figured it out this time. I think he's going to be smooth sailing.

The 4-1 loss to Belgium was the worst USMNT performance in years

That was the worst performance from the US that I've seen in years. Just completely lackluster from the start. So much blame to go around. Tim Ream, friend of the program, good guy over the hill, turned into soccer Shawn Bradley before our very eyes got dunked on twice.

Christian Pulisic was a 'no-show' and looked like he didn't care against Belgium

Christian Pulisic, the long anointed Captain America future face of this league for American soccer. Absolute no show of a game, I would say worse than a no show of a game. And then he checks himself out. Just looks lackluster, looks like he doesn't care at all. Had the most turnovers on the field of anybody. That played just really, really, really bad.

The US will never close the skill gap compared to the rest of the world in soccer

People will never close the skill gap. USA will never close the skill gap compared to the rest of the world in soccer.