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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Taco Bell Cheez-It Crunchwrap will be elite

Let me just say that The Cheez-It Crunchwrap looks elite. Yes. It looks, I without tasting it, I can tell you that's probably on my Mount Rushmore of Taco Bell Foods.

The Cheez-It Crunchwrap was released to generally positive reviews but reviews are subjective.

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Void
Feb 14, 2024
#5460
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

NFL teams that score first in overtime should go for two

If you do get the ball first in overtime and you score, should you preemptively go for two? That would be the only thing that could save the 49ers if they said, yeah, our plan was to go for two if we scored a touchdown.

The 49ers did not score a touchdown first, so the theory wasn't tested, but the math on this is a major talking point in analytics circles.
Win
Feb 14, 2024
#5461
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Kyle Shanahan is officially the coach that can't win a Super Bowl

This is a label that's gonna wear on him. It is what he is at this point. Like until he wins a Super Bowl, we're just gonna say, yeah, Kyle Shanahan is the guy that can't win a Super Bowl.

Shanahan remains without a Super Bowl ring as of mid-2024.
Void
Feb 14, 2024
#5462
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Patrick Mahomes will soon reach AI-like super computer status

He'll soon reach super computer status where he'll know what to do before each play starts. He's just becoming AI. We've got AI Mahomes.

This is a hyperbolic description of football IQ.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.