John Elway is officially canceled as a GM

John Elway has been canceled. He is obsessed with height. Height is not everything. He has traded for Joe Flacco... John Elway will not hear of anything unless you are a tall, rocket arm quarterback. And guess what? He's been canceled... He cannot find a quarterback.

Every man over 6'5 except for Blake Griffin is an asshole.

Every guy that's over 6'5 is an asshole... Every guy over 6'5 except for Blake Griffin is an asshole.

Paxton Lynch is the most unremarkable first-round quarterback of the last 25 years

Paxton Lynch, I'm going to say it right now, is the most unremarkable first-round quarterback that has ever been drafted in the past 25 years... No one even knows if Paxton Lynch is good or not because he only played four games... a guy that you will soon just forget even existed.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.