I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

Jamal Adams is the new Antonio Brown of contract disputes

Dak Prescott and Jamal Adams to figure out whose contract is going to be... he is the new Antonio Brown. Not on the mental side, I'm talking about the fact that he is all convinced that he's a free agent when he's still got two years [left] that they can control his contract.

Joe Rogan is officially uncancellable

Twitter decided to go full send and I'm going to tip my cap to the cancel brigade because they went for the final boss, Joe Rogan, and failed... He is uncancellable because he would actually let's say that Twitter was able to get his contract with Spotify canceled, right? He would just take that wave of publicity, go back to what he was doing before and still make a shitload of money.

Hollywood actors in Marvel movies use a 'Marvel doctor' for HGH

I want to be in [a Marvel movie] just so I can meet their 'doctor feel good'. I want an excuse to have Elvis' bag man come in and hook me up. Because my man, Kumail Nanjiani... I see him in Eternals. And I'm like, 'whatever's going on, I want some of that.'

Magic Johnson doesn't physically write his own tweets

I found out that Magic Johnson does not physically do any of the tweets, which may explain some of it. It's articulated clearly across the room or while he's doing 17 other things as a titan of industry. And then there is a woman whose job is to figure out what he's talking about and make it a tweet.

The NFL shield logo hat is the dopest hat ever

There's no Team hat is their Championship hat nothing. Other than that NFL hat which by the way, I thought this is the dopest hat I've ever seen because I'd never really seen one other than on a ref.