Tom Brady will never die

Tom Brady will never die. ... Even when he got the ball back again down seven or down six, you knew he was gonna win the game.

Tom Brady's arm is still there, but he clearly doesn't trust his offensive line anymore

His arm is still there. It's just that he doesn't trust his offensive line and it's so apparent... Because he doesn't want to get hit, why would you if you're 45 years old? He will bail out of plays early or he won't stand in it as long... He is dumping down constantly because he's like, I don't trust these guys.

The Saints are afraid to play Jameis Winston because they know they mishandled his earlier injury

I have a conspiracy theory... I think the Saints know that they fucked up his injury when it happened when they put [Jameis Winston] back in. And I think that they're trying to make sure that they're doing the right thing for his health on the back end of it... That's why I think that we're not getting James. They're afraid to play him right now.

It is physically impossible to chug a beer out of the Buffalo Sabres sword

The mc of the event's, like, dude, these things you can't chug out of 'em. You have to drink it slow because you can't chug. They end up spilling. It's impossible to chug. I said, oh, all right. Well I wish you told me that beforehand mc guy.

Connor McDavid has lost his superpower due to injury

McDavid's hurt. And it just sucks... It's like he lost his superpower. So he skates like no one I've ever seen before... And now he doesn't have that. He still has the straightaway speed, I've noticed... but the little cutbacks where he is beating D out of the corner... He doesn't have it.

The NBA product has never been worse

The product's never been worse. The NBA and I don't watch it. So you can say, how do you know the product? It's, it's terrible. And if you're not somebody, I've asked you guys... lead off your show with hockey when football season's not going. But no, you guys stick to basketball and it's horrible.