Takes

Anyone who truly dedicates themselves to throwing a knuckleball can make it to Major League Baseball

I think anybody that really dedicates themself to throwing a knuckleball, we'll make it to major league baseball. Agreed.

MVP Baseball 2005 is the greatest baseball game ever created

MVP Baseball 2005 was the greatest baseball player—was MVP Baseball? Yeah. The greatest baseball game. I think '04 as well was very good... those two versions were so, so elite.

Shohei Ohtani's success is not real and is impossible to believe

Shohei Ohtani. Not real. Not real. Not real. Anytime an athlete does something insane, that's not real life.

Miami Marlins are the most edible team name in professional sports

I was actually I went through all the teams and I was like, what is just the most edible thing? And I think it's the Miami Marlins. I would take the Marlins. I would eat them Marlyn. And I think that's something people actually eat. I believe so. I, they look delicious.

Daisuke Matsuzaka's gyroball was the biggest lie in sports

Daisuke Matsuzaka... I was promised the gyro ball. I was promised the gyroball. Okay, and I never got the Gyro Bowl. I was told that he had like 500 different pitches that he could throw that he was going to come over and do things that no human arm had ever done before... then he came over and he threw like 93 on the black.

A-Rod is an all-time sidekick because he agreed to move to third base for Derek Jeter

My next one is going to be A-Rod. Move to third base. Before he ever won anything.

The Montgomery Biscuits is a top-tier minor league team name

I got to go Montgomery Biscuits. The best part about it is the tongue is a pat of butter.

Milton Bradley is one of the biggest dickheads in sports history

My last one is going to be, how about Milton Bradley? One of the biggest dickheads that's ever walked the earth. He played for eight [teams]. It's almost impossible for a guy who has actually a ton of talent to play for eight teams.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.

Cal Ripken Jr. probably used a lot of steroids.

Mount Rushmore of steroid users. Cal Ripken Jr. He's number one. People didn't know that. Probably used a lot of steroids.

Mark McGwire is the top steroid user, and his 1998 home run title should have belonged to Sammy Sosa.

I got Mark McGwire. It's a shame what he did to Sammy Sosa that season because that should have been Sammy's home run title. So Mark McGwire is my number one.