Takes

The 1992 Dream Team is better than the 2008 Redeem Team and it isn't close

I would say the dream team was the greatest basketball team of all time... And it's not even close. Well, yeah. Probably, probably not close. But this team was very, very good.

Losing a preseason game to an NBL team is bad for Chris Paul's legacy

The sun's lost their first games. Good for us. They lost an NBL team, an Australian league team... How did Chris Paul do though legacy wise? [Hank:] I mean, that's bad for your legacy. [Big Cat:] I'm gonna count that as another 3-1 lead blown.

Ben Simmons will be one of the most hated and mocked players on the internet this season

Ben Simmons is back and he's shooting basketball... It's gonna be awesome when it's like a Thursday night primetime game... and he just misses a shot. And the whole, like this is now this we're we're looking at one of the most universally hated guys on the internet... There's not a lot of defense for Ben Simmons.

Ime Udoka's suspension from the Celtics is a messy, public drama nightmare

My Fyre Fest besides the Celtics coach getting suspended for a year... for what? Disgustingly messy public drama. Yeah, that sucks. The only crime he did was his dick was too hard.

Seahawks fans deserved to lose the SuperSonics

The Seahawks take, which was correct... I think what people got really mad about is when you said like you deserve to lose the Sonics. Yeah. That Joe sports... because the Sonics like just straight up, they left, they fucked over the city of Seattle.

Chet Holmgren should spend his injury year getting 'dummy thicc'

If I'm Chet Holmgren, I'm spending this year, like doctor's orders. You can't go on the treadmill. You can't go on the elliptical. No Peloton, no stair climber, just get dummy [thicc] Chet. Just get fat, Chet. You'll be a better basketball player.

Either Russell Westbrook or Patrick Beverley will be gone from the Lakers by mid-season

This is going to be the team that will absolutely implode. It's going to be incredible. Like Russell Westbrook and Patrick Beverley there, that's the very definition of like, there's only room for one of those two guys. Like one of those guys is going to be gone by mid season. There's no question about it.

The Brooklyn Nets will be a top 4 team in the East if Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving play

I don't know if they'll want, but they were like before Kevin Durant got hurt, they were the one seed last year. I think if Kyrie and Kevin Durant and that's a big if play, they will be a top I don't know what we call it, three, four, four team in the East.

Ben Simmons, Kyrie Irving, and Kevin Durant will combine for under 139 games played for the Nets this season

Set the over under, if we could put up a bet, that's like will Ben Simmons, Kyrie, and Kevin Durant play over under 139 games for the Brooklyn Nets? I'm taking the under. I'll be honest. I'm taking the under big time.

Sam Hinkie was too unapologetic about tanking and didn't play the media game well enough

Because [Hinkie] didn't play the game with us, we got more mad at him. Yeah. Like he definitely could have done it and done it a different way. Been better with the media been more open pretended he wasn't really doing it even though everybody like teams are tanking, but we don't wanna be told it. It's fucking crazy. Right? And that's why like it to me is a, is a clear relation to how politicians talk to us.

The Golden State Warriors are going to be even better this season

I think the warriors are gonna be even better. Ooh.

I have zero sympathy for Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving because they don't play in enough games

Sean Marks is the guy when you, you basically were like, Hey sign Deandre Jordan... You're getting everything you want and then you still want everybody fired... Just play in the fucking basketball games. And maybe things will work out... I have no sympathy for any of those guys. Whenever I see anybody on TV being like, well, you know, they could have done a better job with their buy level exception and I'm like, stop fucking talking. It's about one thing the guys don't play in enough games.

Sean Marks is a bad GM because he brought in Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving

I kind of agree with Kevin Durant. I think that Sean Marks is a bad GM because he brought Kevin Durant in. So Kevin Durant is right. They should fire him for bringing him in there.

Bill Russell is the most 'Mount Rushmore-able' NBA player ever

[Bill Russell] might be the most Mount Rushmoreable professional basketball player of all time. Like on various Mount Rushmores. Yeah. As far as like what he did obviously for the Celtics, he's maybe the most clutch postseason player of all time. He was 10 and 0 in elimination games in the playoffs.

The NBA should retire Bill Russell's number 6 league-wide

Retire his number. Yeah. All across the league. He was, I like, let's go Hank. He's got the MVP trophy right? So yeah. I agree. Retire his number. Yes. Good call Hank.

I would pay any price for NBA League Pass

For the NBA league pass, I would pay anything. I have to watch those games. So I think it's like, I think it's 300 bucks. I don't know what it is, but don't tell Adam silver, but if it was higher I would pay higher.

Ben Simmons' claim that playing with Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant would be 'scary' meant he was literally scared to play

[Ben Simmons] said, quote, 'It's going to be scary.' So I actually think he was correct about this. He was talking about, he was just expressing his emotions. He was like, 'I'm scared to play. I'm scared to play basketball.'

LeBron James will respond to Skip Bayless and try to 'Time's Up' him

I think this is the year that LeBron responds to Skip. Tries to get him off the air... Skip's gonna start going after Bronny Jr. And then LeBron's gonna be like, 'that's a bridge too far. Time's up.' He's gonna try and time's up Skip.

James Dolan's 'Moneyball' approach to overpaying for good-but-not-great players is relatable

I kinda actually like, now that I'm saying it, I kind of like James Dolan's process strategy. ... as a gambling brain, I think the same thing where it's like, maybe this is maybe it's just like, everyone just plays their best for an entire season. ... let's sign people and just hope for the absolute best case scenario all the time. ... That is a gambling brain of like, yeah. Yeah. This is the one that's gonna work.

Joel Embiid should have won the MVP

Obviously I'm going to I'm on the [Joel Embiid] campaign of why he didn't win MVP, but it is what it is.

NBA players are often targeted on defense based on their appearance

When you look like the slow white guy, that's kinda like the, the worst is when someone's like pointing at you and the other guy runs up and the guy's like, no, no, no him. And if you're on the other end of that, it's it sucks.

Being deceptively slow is an advantage in the NBA

Because everybody's used to these dudes being so fast and when you change it up and someone goes slow, like it's tough to go from fast to slow... If I hit you with a six mile an hour, that's like Tim Wakefield and the knuckleball.

LeBron James only played in the Drew League because he wants to be like Kobe Bryant

The Kobe one was awesome when he hit that game winner and everyone just mobbed him and LeBron just wants to be Kobe. So that's why he [played in the Drew League].

The Suns would be stupid not to match Deandre Ayton's offer sheet from the Pacers

Deandre Ayton might be a pacer. They signed an offer sheet. I feel like the sons will be stupid not to match it, but I don't think they like him though. Well, the sons are stupid.

Chet Holmgren will get dunked on so hard this year it will deflate his cockiness

He's going to get dunked on once so viciously this year. It will, it will take 5% of the cockiness out of him. I was going to say that right now, you know, someone's going to just yam, got to pay her dues.

LeBron James and Steph Curry would beat Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson in a 2v2 because of the three-point shot

I think Steph Curry, he doesn't let LeBron touch the ball except to rebound. And then Steph, if he hits 40% of his threes, two is 50%... 100% more than one. I think mathematically they would dominate that game.

The Nets should refuse to trade Kevin Durant and force him to stay

I actually am of the belief that the Nets should just be like, fuck it. You're staying on the team. You signed a four year deal. Like they used to mean something kind of pushed back player empowerment. Like, Hey, no, you can't be traded. We're going to keep you.

The Jazz will be a championship problem in 8 to 10 years after their draft pick haul

It's essentially like the Jazz are just, and they're going to probably do the same thing with Donovan Mitchell. And it's just going to be the Jazz in like eight to 10 years are going to be a problem. I'm calling it right now.

Kevin Durant requested a trade because he is sick of Kyrie Irving

Instant takes, turns out. He might not like Kyrie anymore. It turns out he might've thought, Hey, Kyrie, isn't that much fun to be around.

Kyrie Irving's teammates probably don't enjoy the drama despite what they say publicly

I would guarantee his teammates don't love this. I don't know. But he gets so much... I feel like all of his teammates that have ever talked about him publicly have said how much they love him. They like go out of their way to come up them playing with him. Yeah. But he, the problem is he hasn't been playing that much.

The Clippers are going to be a problem in the NBA this season

John Wall moving to the Clippers. Club's going to be a problem. So Clippers are an issue right now. Playoff P is back this season... Kawhi is him. They have three hims. He plays every other year... he comes back and plays one insane year and they're like Kawhi, best player in the league.

The Detroit Pistons are back

The Detroit Pistons are back... the main takeaway, I know this sounds crazy to say, but Jaden Ivey falling to five... Jaden Ivey and Cade Cunningham. They're building. You fuck with that. Because let's build. It's that's why Jaden Ivey going to the Detroit, the Pistons are back.

The Orlando Magic are five years away from being any good

Paolo Banchero, he went first overall. Credit to coach K for going out on a high note right there. I can never really tell with some of these players, like you go to a team like Orlando, that's just dog shit. To me, they're like probably five years away from being any good.

Grady Dick will be the first white American drafted first overall since 1977

The guy that's going to break the streak. I'm calling my shot right now. He's going to go to Kansas and his name's Grady Dick... There's no better shooter in this class in McDonald's All-Americans.

Kevin Durant will stay on the Nets for one more year and leave in 2023

I think KD will be on the Nets this year. And then next year is when he'll be like, I'm out.

John Wall will be a great player as soon as he leaves the Rockets

He's still a good player, right? He's totally healthy now. Yes, he has no lingering foot injuries. He's back. I feel like he's going to be a great player as soon as he gets off the Rockets.

The Phoenix Suns will win the 2023 NBA title in six games

I know the truth. I've been able to—the Chris Paul thing. I'm good to go. I can't wait. Suns in six next season.

Chris Paul will not be a successful head coach because he lacks patience

I actually don't know if [Chris Paul] would have the patience for it. You can keep holding these guys to a standard that they're never ever going to meet, because they don't even comprehend that that's possible. I don't know if those guys [like Chris Paul] are the best coaches.

Paolo Banchero is the best player in the 2022 draft class right now

I don't think there's any debate that Paolo [Banchero] is the best player of the three of [Jabari Smith Jr.] and Chet [Holmgren] right now. The job is to go star hunting. Paolo just took over as a 6'10" playmaker dribbling off a high ball screens. To me that's what the game is.

Jabari Smith Jr. will be a better shooter in the NBA than in college

I still think [Jabari Smith Jr.] took a lot of bad shots because Auburn's guards were terrible. I think he'll be even a better shooter in the NBA.

The high-end talent in the 2022 NBA Draft ends after Jaden Ivey

Everyone's talked up—does it end after those three guys [Banchero, Holmgren, Smith]? I think it ends after [Jaden] Ivey. I do think he's that good. There's just something to be said about a guy that moves unlike everybody else. They don't make a lot of people that move on a basketball court like Jaden Ivey.

Jeremy Sochan will be a winning player that every NBA team wants

I just think that [Jeremy] Sochan's got some way that he's wired, that he's going to impact games in a very unique [way]. I think he's the kind of guy, if it goes right, that every team's like, shit, we need somebody like that. He gets out there with his edge, his athleticism, and he just impacts basketball games.

Benedict Mathurin has the most 'dog' in him of any player in the draft

If you're just traveling on dog alone, dog alone, it would be [Benedict] Mathurin. He's got some juice to him too.

Steph Curry has accidentally ruined basketball for children

I don't like what he's done to the sport of basketball, but I like him... through no fault of his own. He's just, he's all the, every kid out there that doesn't grow... is like, you know what? I'm just going to shoot from half court now... and fun fact nobody's the next Steph.

Dan Dakich's take that the Pacers were wrong to pick Reggie Miller over Steve Alford is stupid

He tweeted interesting Pacers are praised for picking Reggie Miller over Steve Alford in 1987. Yet Pacers have not won a single thing... what we do know is nothing was won with Miller. That's. I mean, that's a, that's a hell of a take... it's a stupid take and we'd debate it.

Steph Curry is now in the conversation for best basketball player of all time

Steph Curry is now in the conversation for best basketball player of all time, all time, but he still hasn't had the, the MVP trophy handed to him by the commissioner yet because we had the backup commissioner that filled in for silver and did that tonight.

Derrick White was the worst player in the last two games of the NBA Finals

I was going to wear this shirt that we just came out with for Derrick White, who fucking sucks is maybe the worst player in the last two games. So that was just dumb on my part. Cause I thought about it after game three and by the time the shirt was made, he was just an absolute garbage can.

The NBA Finals moment was too big for Jayson Tatum

Tatum might've just shown his true colors. Like that's, that's who he is under the bright lights. I don't know. But that's a good spin zone Hank.

The current Celtics are destined to be like the 2012 Thunder and never return to the Finals

I feel like the only real good comparison to the Celtics team is the fucking Thunder and they never got back.

Bench depth doesn't matter in the NBA Finals; you only need a tight seven-man rotation

We know this every year we learn this every year. We forget it during the regular season, like bench doesn't really matter in the NBA finals in the playoffs, deep in the playoffs. Like it does because you need like one or two guys, but guys that were really good at playing bench minutes in February, like, you need, you need a five that is going to play like 42 minutes.