Takes

The rims at the Final Four were so soft I could have shot 50% on them.

I could have shot like 50% on those rims. Those rims, there was a few shots that were laughably like they would, the ball would just kind of like bounce around and just stay on the rim and then go in. It would hit like five pieces of the rim and then just fall in.

Duke basketball players are the type of guys who get cheated on

Kyrie Irving, if you go to Duke, you're a guy who gets cheated on. That just kind of – that feels like a Duke thing that happens. If Kyrie Irving had gone to North Carolina or Kentucky or Kansas, I don't think he gets cheated on. I just think that Duke is a very – guys who go to Duke get cheated on.

Tom Izzo is the only blue blood coach who gets a free pass from criticism

He's like the only blue blood coach who gets a free pass by everybody. Like he's just universally beloved. Everyone hates how [Coach K] is stuck up. Bill Self, people think he's a joker. Calipari is a sleazeball. Pitino is a sleazeball... Everyone has shitty things to say about every coach at a big-time program except Izzo.

Syracuse's defense is as unpredictable as a knuckleball pitcher

Syracuse's defense to me is like R.A. Dickey's knuckleball and – when he's got it working, it's unhittable. But then when it's not working, he just gets fucking rocked. Like, that's how I feel about Syracuse. And right now, like, the knuckleball's humming.

Ryan Spangler (Oklahoma) wins the 'Pitsnoggle Award' for the worst tattoo in college basketball

This dude [Ryan Spangler] has probably the worst tattoo that I've seen this year in college basketball on his shoulder. It's like a massive tribal design that I don't think he even knows what it is. I feel like there needs to be an award every year... name it after like Kevin Pittsnogle... The Pittsnogle Award for the shittiest college tattoo. I think, without a doubt, this year Spangler's got it.

The 2015 Villanova team was better than the 2016 Final Four team

I think last year's [Villanova] team beats this year's team... They don't have Pinkston or Hilliard now. Just to me, they're the same team, they just lost two seniors who were great.

Oklahoma fans will forget they even played in the National Championship game two weeks after it ends

I got the Sooners and the Tar Heels in the finals, and I got UNC winning, and like Oklahoma, their fans just really don't—forget about it like two weeks later that they were ever in the national championship game because they don't really give a shit about basketball.

Coach K is the ultimate sore loser

He basically told a kid [Dylan Brooks], don't showboat. And, like, don't show up the other team while showing up the other coach by coaching a kid that's not his kid. And that's Coach K to a T. Like, he's the sore loser.

There is 'no chance' Coach K's program at Duke has been run as squeaky clean as people believe

There's got to be dozens of Coach K scandals that have been covered up over the past 20 years, right? There's no chance that his program has been run as squeaky clean as we've been led to believe that it has.

Syracuse's zone defense is essentially cheating and violates the gentleman's agreement of college basketball

I feel like playing the zone defense is something that any team could do in the tournament, but nobody does it because it's cheating, basically. Like, it's a gentleman's agreement that, yeah, we could all play zone and be pretty good at defense. It's like playing against your friend in GoldenEye and they play as Oddjob.

Coaches should be allowed to bring firearms to practice for motivation

I think the NCAA should reinstate the rule that allows coaches to bring firearms to practices. I think that would — you'd see a lot more toughness coming out of these guys.

The inconsistency of NCAA tournament referees makes it impossible for players to adjust

The refs not only aren't consistent game to game, they're not consistent in game. If you watch the Wisconsin Xavier game, the first 10 minutes they let them play. They let them bang down low. Then the last 30 minutes, it was ticky-tack all the way through. They were calling every little contact. I just don't know how, as a player, you can handle that.

Watching the first half of any March Madness game is a waste of time

What are you even doing if you're watching the first five minutes of a March Madness game? I don't think I've ever done that.

Northern Iowa would have won if they played their bench of 'small white guys' who know how to take charges and throw the ball off legs

If they just put their bench in for the end of that game, those guys could at least, I guarantee you, everybody on Northern Iowa's bench could throw a ball off their opponent's leg better than anyone else that was in the game. As a small white guy, that's one thing that I knew how to do really, really well... you put that bench in, you might give up like four or five, six points, but you're not losing that game.

John Calipari is an overrated in-game coach who relies on superior athletes

I think Calipari is actually a little bit overrated as a coach... I think he's obviously the best recruiter in the country. I don't think he's the best in-game coach. He's like one of those guys. He's actually kind of like Roy Williams, who they always have really good athletes. I don't know if they always do the best job coaching those athletes because they just kind of let them go.

The NIT should be renamed the 'Nice Invitational Tournament' because the winner is the 69th best team

I'm supposed to pitch to you guys the idea of calling the NIT the Nice Invitational Tournament because the winner is the 69th best team in the country.

Marshall Plumlee only joined the military to stop people from making fun of him

I don't know if you guys saw, but Plumlee is joining the military after he graduates, which is total bullshit. He's basically saying we can't make fun of him anymore. It's like someone saying they have a disease and you can't make fun of him. I'm pissed that Plumlee took that away from us.

Rick Pitino definitely hired Andre McGee specifically to arrange prostitutes for recruits

Rick Pitino is an egomaniac who runs an entire program, who knows everything that's going on. And then, oh, whoops, he somehow didn't know the time that the prostitutes showed up and started fucking all his recruits. ... He knew in the fact that he was like, Andre McGee, I'm hiring you to make sure all of my recruits get properly fucked.

Every NCAA tournament team besides the 16 seeds is 'dangerous' and can 'make some noise'

The tourney is like I looked at the whole bracket besides the 16 seeds. Every team is dangerous. Every team you don't want to play. Every team can make some noise, which we will get into later. I have a list of all the make some noise teams.

Cincinnati is always a 'dangerous' team because their coach Bob Huggins might stab you

I think danger in general is you want to be the dangerous team... It implies that like they could either beat you in basketball or maybe stab you... Any Bob Huggins team is going to be dangerous.

A number one seed only 'makes noise' if they reach the Final Four

If you're a number one seed, you've got to get to the Final Four. I think that would be the only noise that you could make.