PMT DB
PMT DB
Dan Dakich on March Madness, Bob Knight, and the Hulk Hogan Trial
The show kicks off with a heavy dose of Texans talk, specifically focusing on the most basic man in the NFL: J.J. Watt. It is currently Watt’s birthday week, and he celebrated by flying his teammates to his "minimalist" cabin in Wisconsin for a surprise workout. Big Cat and PFT Commenter weren't buying the humble lumberjack act for a second.
Big CatJ.J. Watt is the most basic white bitch in the world
J.J. Watt is the most basic white bitch in the world now. It's official. This is birthday week. [He] wants you to think that he's Rocky training for Ivan Drago and pushing logs up a snowy hill all winter [but] he's got a mansion in Wisconsin with a Starbucks five miles away.
PFT was particularly offended by a grown man making such a spectacle of his own birth, suggesting that at a certain point, the celebrations need to stop.
PFT CommenterBirthdays are only for girls once you turn 20 years old
Birthdays are for chicks now, right? Like after you turn 20 years old, birthdays are for chicks. Hand over your man card, JJ [Watt]. Birthdays aren't men's stuff anymore.
Speaking of the Texans, Bill O'Brien recently admitted he hadn't actually met Brock Osweiler until the introductory press conference. His description of his new $72 million quarterback sounded like a parent describing a toddler who just learned how to use the potty. While discussing the team, the conversation naturally drifted to Vince Wilfork and why being a massive nose tackle might be the greatest gig in sports.
PFT CommenterA nose tackle is the best job in the NFL
I would love to be a nose tackle in the NFL because your job description is like eat as much shit as you want, as long as you can stand up and just not fall over backwards from your own girth. Just be so big that it takes two people to touch you at the same time.
The Legal Eagle Returns
To handle the heavy legal lifting, the guys brought in legal analyst Mike Portnoy (Dave’s Dad) to break down the Hulk Hogan vs. Gawker trial. Mr. Portnoy, who admitted to only reading the headlines, offered his professional opinion that the entire ordeal felt like a classic wrestling work.
Mr. PortnoyHulk Hogan's sex tape was likely a publicity stunt
I find it hard to believe that this wasn't some kind of a stunt where [Hulk Hogan] gave his permission to do this. I don't think the stunt was meant for him to originally bring a lawsuit. I think the stunt was probably so he would get clicks and hits and publicity.
The legal analysis eventually devolved into a debate about the "newsworthiness" of certain anatomical sizes and whether pleading the Fifth is a universal "get out of jail free" card.
Dan Dakich on the Madness
Dan Dakich joined the show to talk some college hoops and immediately went to bat for Tom Crean. Despite Indiana fans constantly looking for the next big thing, Dakich thinks the Hoosiers already have their guy.
Dan DakichIndiana has found its next long-term head coach in Tom Crean
Has Indiana found its next head coach in Tom Crean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, Tom Crean's done a really good job, I think, growing with this particular team. Once he cleaned out some guys over the last summer, yeah, I think they have.
Reflecting on the first weekend of the tournament, Dakich admitted that the Michigan State loss was one of the few things that can still truly shock him in this sport.
Dan DakichMichigan State's loss to Middle Tennessee was a total shock
I thought Michigan State... were getting set for a run. And the way they got beat, man... They looked slow. They looked sluggish. They got their ass beat, and they got it beat all day. That surprised me more than anything. I don't get shocked much, but that was a shock.
As the Sweet 16 looms, Dakich isn't overthinking his bracket. He's sticking with the Jayhawks as his favorite to cut down the nets, though he sees a clear path for whoever survives the Indiana and North Carolina matchup.
Dan DakichKansas will win the 2016 National Championship
I thought it was going to be Michigan State and North Kansas. And I like Kansas to win. I liked them before the tournament. I like them now.
Dan DakichThe winner of the Indiana vs. North Carolina game will play for the National Championship
North Carolina, Indiana winner. I think it's going to play for [the title]. I do. I think that, you know, I think they'll beat the next team.
The highlight of the interview was Dakich sharing stories of playing for Bob Knight. From Knight slamming doors and demanding everyone believe in a win over Jordan’s Tar Heels to the legendary coach bringing a literal shotgun to practice to keep the players on their toes, the stories were pure chaos. PFT thought the NCAA might actually benefit from a return to those motivational tactics.
PFT CommenterCoaches should be allowed to bring firearms to practice for motivation
I think the NCAA should reinstate the rule that allows coaches to bring firearms to practices. I think that would — you'd see a lot more toughness coming out of these guys.
New Segments and LeBron’s Twitter
The episode features the debut of "Parental Advisory," where listeners send in the unhinged sports takes of their parents. One dad’s insistence that Matthew Dellavedova is superior to Kyrie Irving led Big Cat to lean into the grit-over-talent narrative.
Big CatMatthew Dellavedova is a better player than Kyrie Irving
Deli is better than Kyrie. How does your starting point guard only have four assists when the team scores 124? Kyrie is more worried about his brand than actually winning. I like this really unathletic, scrappy white point guard more than the all-star black point guard.
Finally, the show wraps up with PR 101, analyzing LeBron James unfollowing the Cavaliers on Twitter. While some see it as a sign of drama, the guys see it as a masterclass in emotional manipulation.
Big CatLeBron should toy with the Cavs' emotions by following rival teams
He knows that he can do whatever he wants in Cleveland. So he should just keep toying with their emotions. He should go look at houses in Miami, rent a condo in Malibu. Unfollow the Cavs Twitter account. Follow the Knicks Instagram account. Just basically do all this shit to toy with their emotions.
PFT even theorized that the unfollow is just the setup for a very LeBron-style announcement later this summer.
PFT CommenterLeBron James will announce he is re-signing with the Cavs by re-following them on Twitter
I actually think what's happening is that LeBron unfollowed the Cavs and that when he signs his option... he's going to announce it by refollowing the Cavs. It's such a shitty, like not cool thing to do, but it's so lame that it perfectly fits something that he would think was a good idea.
If you ever get caught tweeting something you shouldn't, just remember: it was either a hack or a mistake by an anonymous foundation intern.
