PMT DB
PMT DB
Mark Titus on March Madness Brackets, Tom Crean, and Ohio State
We are on the absolute precipice of the NCAA tournament, which means Big Cat and PFT Commenter are entering their most degenerate, buffalo-wing-fueled state of the year. PFT even admitted that he used to have a tradition of quitting his entire job just to ensure he didn't miss a single minute of the first round.
PFT CommenterQuitting your job before March Madness is the best feeling in the world
It is the best two days of the year to call in sick for work, bar none. I had some friends, and back like six or seven years ago, we would all quit our jobs in anticipation of March Madness so that we just wouldn't have to worry about going into work... it feels like you're on heroin because it's such a reckless thing to do for like this little bit of endorphin payout.
While quitting a career for a 12-5 upset might be extreme, Big Cat has a much simpler joy in life: the high of canceled plans. He argued that there is no better feeling than being let off the hook for social obligations, especially when you weren't the one who had to do the canceling.
Big CatThere is no better high in the world than getting to cancel plans
The canceled plans, when I get to cancel a plan, there is no better high in the entire world. Actually, no. I should take that back. When someone else cancels plans on me because I never want to do anything anymore. So when they cancel plans on me, then I'm not the shithead who canceled the plans. That's the best feeling in the world.
Concussions and the NFL's Bird Problem
The conversation shifted to the NFL finally admitting a link between football and CTE, only to immediately backtrack. PFT has a very specific scientific theory involving nature’s original head-butters: woodpeckers. If the NFL really wanted to solve the concussion crisis, they’d be looking at why these birds aren't constantly stumbling around with brain fog.
PFT CommenterWoodpeckers prove that concussions aren't real because they don't have CTE
If concussions were real, don't you think that woodpeckers would have a lot of concussions? Don't you think woodpeckers have CTE? All they do is just like headbutt trees all day long.
Speaking of health hazards, PFT also warned about the hidden dangers of synthetic turf. Apparently, diving for a ball can result in more than just a turf burn if you aren't careful about what you're inhaling.
PFT CommenterSynthetic turf fields are cancer hotbeds for kids
There have been like five or six goalies that dive too much and get tires up their nose... and they come down with childhood cancer. And like that's, that would affect a lot of people across the United States. If that's true, because we've completely gotten rid of all of our grass fields. And now we've just got these cancer hotbeds.
The Johnny Manziel Experience
Johnny Football is back in the news after reports surfaced of him taking hangover naps in the Cleveland Browns' equipment room. While the media is clutching pearls, Big Cat and PFT are coming to his defense. They argued that anyone who hasn't snuck a nap at the office while nursing a hangover is either lying or the most boring person alive.
Big CatIf you haven't taken a hungover nap at the office, you're the lamest person in the world
I'm not going to say that Johnny Manziel should be taking naps when he's in the NFL... But show me a guy who, and probably a lot of women, who has not taken a hungover nap at their office, and I'll show you the lamest guy in the world.
Big Cat noted that Manziel’s spiral was predictable, especially after the ultimate indignity: being benched for a guy who reportedly doesn't even watch adult films.
Big CatBenching a starting quarterback for Josh McCown will cause them to hit rock bottom
The act of having of like benching a person for Josh McCown, I think will put anyone like into a rock bottom spot. Like it's spiraled out of control from Johnny Manziel the minute Josh McCown was put in place of him.
Mark Titus Joins the Show
Former Ohio State walk-on and Club Trillion founder Mark Titus joined the program to break down the brackets. Titus, an Indiana native, is currently living through a personal nightmare because Tom Crean did just enough winning to keep his job at IU for the foreseeable future.
Mark TitusIndiana winning the Big Ten was a nightmare because it saved Tom Crean's job
This was my nightmare as an Indiana fan... now they're probably going to lose to Kentucky in the second round... And then people that like Crean are going to say, Oh, but they lost to the final four Kentucky team... It's a weird position to be in when you're kind of cheering for them to lose. So that way you just fire Tom Crean.
As the guys looked at the actual games, the disrespect for the NIT reached an all-time high. Titus pitched a rebranding that perfectly captures the prestige of finishing just outside the Big Dance.
Mark TitusThe NIT should be renamed the 'Nice Invitational Tournament' because the winner is the 69th best team
I'm supposed to pitch to you guys the idea of calling the NIT the Nice Invitational Tournament because the winner is the 69th best team in the country.
Big Cat isn't buying the hype on Virginia, noting that their slow-down style is a recipe for disaster when you need a bucket late. He also took aim at Duke and specifically Marshall Plumlee. While the world is praising Plumlee for his post-grad military plans, Big Cat sees it as a tactical move to avoid being roasted on the internet.
Big CatMarshall Plumlee only joined the military to stop people from making fun of him
I don't know if you guys saw, but Plumlee is joining the military after he graduates, which is total bullshit. He's basically saying we can't make fun of him anymore. It's like someone saying they have a disease and you can't make fun of him. I'm pissed that Plumlee took that away from us.
New Segments: Fall Guy and Suh Dude
The show debuted "Fall Guy," a tribute to Cris Carter’s legendary advice to NFL rookies. The inaugural winner is Andre McGee, the Louisville staffer who Rick Pitino is conveniently blaming for the program's recent stripper-related scandals. Big Cat isn't buying the "ignorant head coach" act for a second.
Big CatRick Pitino definitely hired Andre McGee specifically to arrange prostitutes for recruits
Rick Pitino is an egomaniac who runs an entire program, who knows everything that's going on. And then, oh, whoops, he somehow didn't know the time that the prostitutes showed up and started fucking all his recruits. ... He knew in the fact that he was like, Andre McGee, I'm hiring you to make sure all of my recruits get properly fucked.
Finally, the guys checked in with Hank for the debut of "What's Hot on the Streets." Hank introduced the "Suh Dude" phenomenon, a trend that PFT actually respects for its sheer efficiency in being lazy.
PFT CommenterThe 'Suh Dude' trend is worthy of respect because of its commitment to laziness
Anytime you're too lazy to pronounce the third letter of a word that has three letters in it, that is worthy of a little bit of respect for trying that hard to be so lazy. ... To pronounce and actually speak English to another person is a total try hard move.
Just remember, if you want to succeed in this country, you have to be willing to work for it—unless it's Thursday at noon, in which case you should be three beers deep watching a 14-seed keep it close.
