Takes

Keeping Adam Gase is the smartest move for the Jets because he is a 'tank' that can't be accused of tanking

Keeping Adam Gase is the smartest thing you can do is GM because... it actually Adam Gase is your tank like he is your tank but not tanking. You can't be accused of tanking, but you are tanking when you have Adam Gase there.

The Seahawks defense will start turning a corner and stop being a liability within five weeks

Jamal Adams is going to be back. I think that the Seahawks defense is going to start turning a corner here playing well and it's going to take a little bit of time for people to catch up to it. But like in like three four weeks we're going to be sitting here being like, you know, who's really playing well to Seahawks defense.

Ryan Tannehill is a great quarterback, but he still actually stinks

Ryan Tannehill still stinks. I don't have anything beyond my eyes that told me that he still deserves not to be honest my guts right. It's my guts that are telling me that he still stinks. I just I still don't trust him. I've never trusted Ryan Tannehill... he is just been delaying the stinking.

The 'Christian Doctrine': NFL teams are actually harder to stop when their star player is out because of unpredictability

When a good player goes out or is traded the team does better I think we called the Christian doctrine... when a defense plans and you know Christian McCaffrey out there, you know, he's going to touch the ball like half the time when he's not you don't know where the balls going.

Daniel Jones is JaMarcus Russell 2.0 because of his turnover rate

Daniel Jones and JaMarcus Russell had the same player in terms of turnovers... I will bring you know what I want. I will bring that exact same energy starting this weekend Daniel Jones. I'm going to run with that but is he is JaMarcus Russell 2.0.

Antonio Brown joining the Buccaneers will not end well because he is a 'legit psycho'

I'm calling my shot on this Antonio Brown is a legit psycho. You're hot right now because essentially your shots are... it's not going to end well now it's just not. I'm calling my shot on this Antonio Brown is a legit psycho... Big big-time bad news.

Take the Vikings to cover because the Packers are 0-6 straight up on Daylight Savings weekends

The Packers have lost the six six times in a row on daylight savings we can... I think I won six straight out. I thought it was against the spread. I don't know. What is it Jake find it whatever it is. I'm fall forward happened... you probably going to want to take that stat into your real to your play Barstool app picks.

The Rams are winning the Super Bowl

the biggest winning Super Bowl the revs winning the Super Bowl. Yeah, I want on the record. Really. Yeah. Wow, but you don't like golf. I love Jared go. You said you hated to no one of my best friends in this world... Jared has the experience. Aryans he's been there before this time. He's gonna get revenge.

The Seahawks defense is soft

I'm going to say that I think that the the Seahawks defense I'm going to use the S word. I think they're soft. I'll link their sauce sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, you know, what's terrible, you know, I'm doing right now. I'm giving side I to I'm throwing shade. Yeah all the s words for Seattle's defense know they're really I think that the Niners come out and just absolutely take their soul from them.

I love the Panthers to beat the Falcons

Panthers-Falcons, start there. Falcons, this could be the end for Dan Quinn. I have said many times I'm going to respect Teddy Bridgewater more and that's why I love the Panthers in this game.

The Eagles will win the NFC East with a losing record like 3-5-1

The Eagles win the NFC East at like 3-5-1. The Eagles, they should have stopped playing right now. Yes, 1-2-1 is good enough to get you top of the NFC East this season.

The Bears will beat the Colts

Colts-Bears, Nick Foles baby... I don't know why the Bears are underdogs, but we're doing this... I think that the Bears are gonna win this game.

The Dolphins will upset the Seahawks in a low-scoring game

I think something funny is going to happen here... I think that the Dolphins could do this, they could win and like a 19 to 14 game.

I am officially out on the Eagles

The Eagles are just, they're so sad. I'm done. I'm done. You're pulling the cord on him? Yeah, right. I can't. I'm thinking that they are the same team that won the Super Bowl and I'm just done, I'm done.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year

If the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year, I will cut off from the nail up tip of my pinky left hand. It's on.

The Bears will beat the Giants by 10 points in Week 2

I'll say it for you. I think the Bears win this game by 10 points. I'm very nervous for this game. But I'm nervous for every Bears game.

The Jets are the 'disgusting' underdog pick of the week against the 49ers

I kind of like the Jets here... Once having the same thought and everyone's betting the 49ers... this is going to be my dog of the week. It's the hold your nose. This is disgusting. You're going to hate yourself at like 1:35 on Sunday when it's 17 to three 49ers, but you're not dead yet.

Tom Brady will have a massive 'get right' game against the Panthers

I think Tom Brady's going to eat this week and everyone's like, oh my God Tom Brady's back. Yeah Bruce Arians did the classic Bruce Arians thing where he just spent the entire week making fun of Tom Brady.

Tyrod Taylor is a 'rebound' quarterback who provides stability but never wins games

He is the epitome of an average Quarterback, but he's somehow worse than average Quarterback... He doesn't make the mistakes that bad quarterbacks make... He just won't do anything... Tyrod is the rebound quarterback. They take right after you get done with a crazy person that just fucked your brains out.

Bill O'Brien general manager should fire Bill O'Brien head coach

Bill O'Brien general manager of the Texans is firing Bill O'Brien head coach of the Texan. I would love to see it... It's the opposite of Bill Parcells when he was in Dallas and said if you're going to ask me cook dinner, then at least let me shop for the groceries.

Social media will bully Pete Carroll into letting Russell Wilson throw more this year

The Seahawks are going to be an interesting case this year because we might have the first time ever in the NFL that social media bullies Pete Carroll into actually letting his MVP caliber quarterback throw the ball more. I'm calling it 'Let Russ Cook'.

The Bills will go 13-3 and win the AFC East

What if the bills go like 13 and 3 and win the AFC East and maybe even get a first round bye? But it's so fucking sad think about like the fans in Buffalo not being able to be in the stadium.

The Buccaneers and Patriots Week 1 results will be a referendum on Tom Brady's legacy

What has to happen is we need the Buccaneers to win and the Patriots to lose or the Patriots to win the Buccaneers to lose so we can really hammer into that story. Storylines cannot be taken back. This weekend is a referendum on the life-altering change of course that Tom Brady made.

The 'Can't Lose' Parlay: Eagles, Colts, and Bills money lines will all hit

I have my can't lose parlay the first one of the year. It cannot lose. Eagles, Colts, Bills money line. There's no chance that loses. It says it right in the name. I'm telling you right now there is no way it loses.

I will bet on any NFL team that was bad the previous year in Week 1

My week one strategy is just basically bet on the teams that sucked last year.

To be a successful NFL quarterback, you have to be an 'absolute weirdo'

To be a good quarterback in the NFL, you got to be an absolute weirdo. Okay, cool guys burn out. You can't be cool... real swag is no swag... winning multiple Super Bowls makes you weird.

I might get an NFL call-up as a 'camp leg' based on my XFL kicking film

I'm also thinking that there's an outside chance that with what I've put on film already and what I will continue to put on film, maybe I get a call for a training camp for an NFL team. Maybe I'm a camp leg... They need camp legs. I'm not worse than Vinatieri. I'm a better kicker than the greatest kicker of all time.

The Chiefs will win Super Bowl 54 and Tyrann Mathieu will have a turnover

I'm also taking the Chiefs. I have a lot of conviction in that bet... The Honey Badger is making the difference in this game. He's going to have at least one turnover. He has been the key to the Chiefs defense stepping up.

Deebo Samuel will score the first touchdown of Super Bowl 54

I'm also going to make a bold prediction. I think that the Niners are going to hit them with a play-action bomb on the first drive... It's going to Debo [Samuel]. He's going to Debo for six. First score Debo Samuel for six points.

The Chiefs will win and the game will go under the point total

My official prediction is basically a repeat of last year. The old-timer is going to beat the new guy. Under and the Chiefs.

The Chiefs and the Titans game will hit the over on 53 points

I'm taking the over and I don't care because I actually, when you're looking at this game, I feel like both offenses match up perfectly with both defenses... Give me the over. 53. I don't care.

The Packers have no chance to beat the 49ers in the NFC Championship

The Packers' defense cannot stop the 49ers' offense, and the Packers' offense cannot stop the 49ers' defense. I don't see a way that the Pack win this game. I really don't.

The 49ers, Ravens, and Chiefs money line parlay is a can't-lose bet

The 49ers, the Ravens, the Chiefs. Parlay them all, plus 105 on BetMGM, even money everywhere else... How does that lose? I don't see a way that it does.

The Titans will win if they have a single drive over 11 minutes long against the Ravens

If the Titans have a single drive that's over 11 minutes long, then they will win this game.

The Chiefs will blow out the Texans because Houston are frauds

I got Kansas City. I think they're going to blow them out. I think Houston, they reveal themselves to be frauds. That game against Buffalo... Buffalo lost that game more than the other way around.

Russell Wilson is not good in cold weather

The only thing I'm worried about is I don't think Russell Wilson can play in the cold. I don't think he's a cold guy... his record and his stats in the cold, he's not good. He gets spooked.

The Buffalo Bills will beat the Houston Texans 17-10 on Saturday

The final score will be 17 to 10. Yep, and the Buffalo Bills will win. Whoo. Okay, put it in stone.

The Patriots will beat the Titans easily and make everyone look stupid

This feels like one of those games where everyone is going to talk themselves into the Patriots being done... they're going to beat the Titans easily and everyone's be like damn we feel stupid.

Ryan Tannehill is not afraid of Tom Brady and the Titans will win

I'm taking the Titans. Okay, I think that Tannehill is the one quarterback that is not afraid of Tom Brady. He's beaten him four times... now we got Tannehill he's going to go in there. I think that the Titans are going to win.

The Eagles are my lock of the year against the Seahawks

I'm taking the Eagles because it's Tony's it's my Tony Danza lock the lock of the Year. Okay. I mean, I'm not an idiot. I'm going to also take Tony Danza.

I'm taking the Packers, Cowboys, and Broncos in a can't-lose parlay for Week 17

My can't lose parlay this week is the Green Bay Packers, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Denver Broncos.

The Seahawks will beat the 49ers on Sunday Night Football

I feel like I don't have faith in either of those teams. But that just feels like a Seahawks win. You close your eyes and you just see it's probably drizzling.

The Chicago Bears will beat the Kansas City Chiefs outright

I like Chicago. I like the Bears to win outright. How do you think they will ya fuck with me? I that's my entire logic behind. This is to just give you a victory that you can't do anything with.

Kirk Cousins cannot win games in California

Cousins can't play on the Left Coast though. He is something like 0-8 in California.

Ryan Tannehill is peaking and will never play better than he is right now

We're in the process of watching Ryan Tannehill as good as he's probably ever as good as his body is capable of playing football. That's how he's playing. The best will ever get it's probably not going to get any better than this.

The Cowboys are the new Falcons: high talent, low results

I finally realized what the Cowboys are: the Cowboys are the new Falcons. They are a team with a ton of talent that we say 'well, they haven't played their best game, it's coming.' You can name all these guys on the team... They're just not good. They're average to below average throughout the season.

The Rams will beat the Seahawks because Sean McVay owns Pete Carroll's defense

Here's Sean McVay's offenses against the Seahawks the last four times: 29 points, 33 points, 36 points, 42 points. The Rams for whatever reason it is can figure out how to attack Pete Carroll's defense... I'll take the Rams.

The Buccaneers will finish 8-8 and franchise tag Jameis Winston

My favorites the Bucks. I think the Bucks are going to finish 8-8 I do. I think Jameis is going to get franchise tagged. I do, I hope so I really do.

I love the over in Bills vs. Cowboys on Thanksgiving

Fellas, I love this over. This is going to be my over of the day. Because you've got to have at least one over on Thanksgiving. It's a lot going against Buffalo. Buffalo on the road. Different defense at home. Very good defense on the road. Maybe not as good. And also, teams have been able to run a little bit on the Bills. Guess who the Cowboys have? Zeke.

The New Orleans Saints will blow out the Atlanta Falcons

I think that the wonky game already happened with the Saints and the Falcons. I think the Saints are going to blow them out.