Best of 2019 (featuring Gary Busey, Zac Efron, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Patrick Mahomes & more)

I'm taking the Packers, Cowboys, and Broncos in a can't-lose parlay for Week 17

My can't lose parlay this week is the Green Bay Packers, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Denver Broncos.

The Seahawks will beat the 49ers on Sunday Night Football

I feel like I don't have faith in either of those teams. But that just feels like a Seahawks win. You close your eyes and you just see it's probably drizzling.

Clemson will beat Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl

I have a future on Ohio State, but I think Clemson is going to beat them.

LSU will crush Oklahoma in the Peach Bowl regardless of the spread

Was it 13 and a half right now? Yeah, 14, 13 and a half. Fuck it. Make it 21. I still like LSU.

The Cowboys are an absolute joke and worse than a fraud

The Cowboys are a joke. They are an absolute joke... Worse than a fraud. Because a fraud would imply that they are good but fraudulent. A joke, I don't even want to fucking spend time with them.

Hell is a self-imposed condition you create within yourself

Hell is what you make it within yourself. So hell is a self-imposed condition... hell is really something you create yourself. The difference between organized religion and spirituality is organized religion is built for people to be afraid of hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there.

Golf takes too long and should be reduced to 14 or 15 holes

Nobody wants to spend five and a half hours out there... Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes. Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker.

Today's wrestling has lost the spontaneity and sense of urgency of the Attitude Era

To me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I just think the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost. And if you bring it back and create that excitement, I don't think you need to go to filling up this with that or crushing things. Sense of urgency I think is the most important part.

No matter how smart you think you are at 20 years old, you are actually an idiot

No matter how smart you think you are, you're an idiot... This is why everyone older than you hates you, because they all went through the exact same thing where it's like I got everything figured out, and then you just realize you don't. And it doesn't mean you're not smart. It doesn't mean you're not creative... [but] you can't have any of this perspective that you're going to need.

Ben Roethlisberger is tough as hell but often exaggerates the severity of his injuries

It's a lot of injuries Seven [Roethlisberger] shouldn't have played. But he's just a tough... That's what makes Seven seven... And there's probably a lot of other injuries that... Seven, man, come on, man, stop all that BS... So you're going to have the boot on on Monday, but Tuesday you're going to be all good.

A VCU home game is more life-altering than a 10-day trip to Europe

Yeah, but you haven't been to a home game at the Siegel Center [VCU]. And I was like, this was peak Shaka [Smart]. This was Travion Graham, Briante Weber. Like, you want to do push-ups on picket fences when they put the press on. So this was kind of my subtle way after we broke up to kind of, like, send, you know, a shot across the bow.

I bought a Tesla to quit dipping, but I just ended up going to the gas station to buy dip anyway

The plan was to buy a Tesla so that I could quit dipping because then I wouldn't have to go to the gas station anymore. So now I just go to the gas station just to buy dip.

NHL refs rely on video replay too much as a safety net, which creates inconsistency

With that sort of difficulty now that they've infused this video replay that is such a safety net for guys, they rely on it too much. It's not even they don't... a goal goes in the net and they're standing so deep in the corner. They don't even signal it. They might not even see it. You got to see everything and use the replay to verify.

I'm the number one person in the world at finding open tables at packed bars

I think I'm number one in the world at finding open tables at packed bars or seats in general because of my figure and I don't like to stand very much... I will always find an open table.