PMT DB
PMT DB
Joe Burrow and Mike Posner on Draft Life, Walking Across America, and the NFL Schedule
The NFL schedule is officially out, and for the first time in months, there is actual hope on the horizon. Big Cat and PFT broke down the slate, and while the league is trying to pretend everything is normal, some of the scheduling choices felt like a personal attack. Specifically, the NFL is moving in on the NBA's turf by putting a game on December 25th.
Big CatThe NFL's Christmas Day game is a direct shot at the NBA
The NFL is now saying, fuck you, NBA. We're not giving you this day for free. They're fighting back, and they will have an NFL game on Christmas Day.
While the schedule gives us something to look forward to, it also reminded everyone that the Rams still have the worst branding in professional sports. Big Cat couldn't help but roast the new logo again now that it's officially plastered all over the Sunday Night Football opener against Dallas.
Big CatThe Rams new logo is even worse than when it was first revealed
The Rams logo sucks even worse than I – like, they did the logo reveal a month ago. We all roasted it. I forgot about it... But, man, does that logo suck.
Before the interviews, the guys had to address the wildest story of the offseason: Earl Thomas being held at gunpoint by his wife after she caught him in an orgy with his brother, Seth. It’s a level of family bonding that nobody asked for. PFT and Big Cat debated the logistics of the "fuck shack" and how a pandemic doesn't seem to slow down the most committed members of the community.
Big CatPeople into orgies will continue to have them regardless of the pandemic
The orgy people have been key. You don't stop orgying because there's a pandemic... I'm confident that orgy people will, in the face of a pandemic, they will keep sucking and fucking their way through it.
Joe Burrow joined the show fresh off being the number one overall pick, but his life hasn't exactly turned into a rap video yet. Because of the lockdown, the savior of the Bengals is currently stuck in his childhood bedroom.
Joe BurrowI am probably the first No. 1 overall draft pick to still be living in their parents' basement a month after the draft
My dad likes to make the joke that I'm a 23-year-old millionaire living in my parents' basement. Yeah, it's not a joke. It's not a joke at this point.
He’s spent his time doing Zoom installs and, apparently, watching Big Cat struggle as Coach Duggs on Twitch. Joe didn't hold back, critiquing Big Cat's play-calling and clock management. If Big Cat want to actually win a Natty with the Red Raiders, he might need to listen to the Heisman winner’s specific gaming strategies.
Joe BurrowThe 'Free Fire' play is the secret to a dominant defense in NCAA Football 14
Free fire, the one with the Mike and Will blitzing every single time. The Will comes free in the big gap every single time, and you just play man-to-man... The linebacker on the right side in the B gap comes through every time. I'm telling you. That was my secret.
Joe BurrowThe best offensive strategy in NCAA Football 14 is running Four Verticals and audibling to stops if the corners play off
Call four verticals every single play, and if the corners are playing off, just change it audible to a stop, and you get completion every single time.
Next, musician Mike Posner hopped on to talk about his incredible journey walking across the entire United States. The conversation took a turn into the Darwinian when Mike described getting bit by a baby rattlesnake in Colorado. It turns out, youth is a disadvantage when it comes to reptilian restraint.
Baby snakes are more dangerous to humans than adult snakes
Baby snakes are actually more dangerous than grown adult snakes... [They] don't know well enough to not use all their venom on you, right? So they just shoot you the fuck up. It's a full load.
Mike also got deep about the realities of fame, explaining how having a massive hit like "Cooler Than Me" didn't actually fix his internal problems. He spoke candidly about the "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" era and the disillusionment that comes with reaching the top of the charts only to find out you're the same person you were before the platinum plaques.
Achieving fame and success does not actually make you more secure as a human being
I really thought I would feel more secure with myself having attained the success I wanted... What I noticed was I was making more money, more popular, I was having more sex, but my experience of life really was exactly the same. It wasn't worse. It wasn't better. It was just the same.
Fyre Fest of the week featured Hank buying a rug that is roughly the size of a football field and Big Cat coming to the defense of his quarterback, Jay Cutler. Jay is currently being dragged in the press amidst his divorce from Kristin Cavallari, and Big Cat smells a reality TV rat.
Big CatKristin Cavallari will eventually star in a reality show centered around her divorce from Jay Cutler
No, she is going to try to make a reality show out of this. 100%. She is going to have a reality show being like living through a divorce or some bullshit... Jay will not be involved.
The show wrapped up with a Mount Flushmore of minor injuries. From stubbing your toe to the soul-crushing pain of a nut shot, the guys covered it all. Big Cat also used the segment to remind everyone of his freakish physical durability, claiming he has a nose that simply refuses to produce blood.
Big CatI have never had a bloody nose in my entire life
Good time to remind people that people don't believe me, but I've never had a bloody nose in my entire life. And I've been hit hard. Not a drug guy. Never had a bloody nose. I just don't think my nose can bleed.
It turns out Coach Duggs isn't the only one who needs to work on his execution, but at least we have a Week 1 schedule to gamble on now.
