Takes

Be wary of any new league that promises more football

As much as we love football, we did warn you. We warned you after the first weekend that as much as we love seeing extra football... We've been hurt before. The XFL did not last very long. Whenever someone promises you more football, just be wary.

Alex Jones would be a decent NFL defensive coordinator

I actually think Alex Jones would be a decent NFL defensive coordinator if you gave him just like two years in a dark room with some playbooks. Just showed him the basic concepts and let him just motivate the guys. He's like if Jim Tomsula took LSD at a very young age.

Boltman's retirement is the 'official' end of the Chargers in San Diego

And it's like this is the official move of the Chargers to L.A. When Boltman retires and he's like, I'm done. I've been pushed too far. Boltman, these diehard fans that the organization just pushes them a little too far, and they have to announce their retirement.

Hue Jackson jumping in Lake Erie on June 1st is a total cop-out

He waited until June 1st? Kind of a cop-out. That's the biggest cop-out I've ever fucking heard. ... You can't wait until June 1st to jump in a lake.

Russell Wilson 'invented' the concept of letting time pass to cure a concussion

Russell Wilson invented just how to make time pass. He was just like, here's how you get rid of your concussion. Ready?... Drink five cups of water a day. And in six days, you're going to feel better... and in six days, I will have cured you. So water cures sunburns and concussions.

Josh Allen will break the NFL by throwing a ball 90 yards at his pro day

Somebody on the NFL Network just said that Josh Allen is going to throw the ball 90 yards at his pro day... You know what? Is he going to break the NFL? Yeah, don't even let receivers run routes for him. Just have him stand back and just throw the ball as hard as he can like 10 or 20 times in a row.

Colin Kaepernick clearly should be signed by an NFL team

To start the offseason, I thought the Colin Kaepernick storyline was bullshit. But now it's kind of like, all right, he's clearly – someone's just – like, he should be signed. They signed two backup quarterbacks that I had never heard of.

Adrian Peterson's NFL career is basically over

I think Adrian Peterson's career is... it's pretty much a career for him... he hitting his kid with a switch... he doesn't catch the ball that often. He doesn't run the ball out of shotgun. This isn't the NFL for him.

The bench press is the only true measure of an alpha male and a quarterback's locker room command

Mitch Trubisky... he's not benching. I would bench so hard if I was that. That would be the only thing I would train for. That's really the only thing that you can measure man to man is the bench press. Who's the bigger man? How much can you bench? Alpha dog shit. Right, and you're looking for a quarterback? You want a guy that commands the locker room, a guy that benches more than everybody.

Terrell Owens not being in the Hall of Fame is the biggest joke of all time

But seriously, T.O. not being in the Hall of Fame is probably the biggest joke of all time. What is he, second most in reception yards?

The NFL is stirring up political protests via back channels to boost the Falcons' Rise Up hashtag

A little stay woke on this. NFL stirring up controversy through back channels to get people to tweet the Rise Up hashtag. I actually completely agree with you because what's one of the storylines of this Super Bowl? Atlanta, bad sports town. Not a lot of Falcons fans. Guess what? Now we are all Falcons fans.

Odell Beckham Jr. has officially matured because he proposed to a kicking net

Thoughts and prayers to Odell Beckham's immaturity because he's clearly grown up now. He's just a tremendous young man... because he learned his lesson. The lesson was stop making it about you and having all these antics. And so he did that by proposing to the net.

The NFL will finally cure breast cancer this year

I think this is the year that the NFL finally cures it [breast cancer]. ... Stay woke on breast cancer.

Odell Beckham Jr. is basically European

Odell Beckham, maybe you should put Pacifier in your mouth. You're basically European, dude. Hey, I know you like to not use one of your hands. Use none of them and go play soccer. You like to dance around and flop. You like the weird hair.

Colin Kaepernick's dead arm is a blessing in disguise because it will make him a 'touch' passer

Dead arm was the best thing that could have happened to Colin Kaepernick. Now he's a touch guy. Great. Now he's Chad Pennington. It's like a reverse rookie of the year happens. Yes, yes. And he needs to cash in on it.

Warren Sapp staged his shark attack to get back into the national media spotlight

Connect the dots. Warren Sapp doesn't have a job right now... Best way to get yourself back in the national media spotlight without saying, 'Hey, I want a job,' get attacked by a shark. ... I'm just saying, do we know what that shark looked like? No... That's for sure a fake shark. Truther Warren Sapp did not get bit by a shark. He rigged this whole thing.