Takes

Jamal Murray should claim he has coronavirus to make people forget his accidental sex tape

PR 101 for him. I don't know what you do. You just actually say you have coronavirus. There you go think that really is the only way out. If you say you have coronavirus people will just feel bad for you and then kind of forget that that happened.

The NFL Network should hire Jeff Fisher to bring them back to mediocrity

Jeff Fisher, he brings the mediocrity back. So you're going from low... To right in the middle. I think Jeff Fisher's the perfect hire.

Markelle Fultz failing to fill in the template on his Instagram ad was a genius marketing move

Everybody ought to ignore everything Big Cat just said because we actually gave Markelle Fultz the best PR advice of all time... We got millions more impressions on this thing than he would have got if he actually tweeted out the right thing... this is a genius marketing strategy by Tissot.

United Airlines should become the presenting sponsor for the UFC to embrace their 'dragging' reputation

I had one go the self-deprecation route and become a UFC sponsor, like the presenting sponsor for UFC. That'd be pretty funny.

ESPN First Take's ratings would improve if they made it an R-rated adult program

How can we solve First Take?... Or make it porn. People love porn. Just make it porn. Everybody's naked. First Take, porn... Replace them with Ron Jeremy, Peter North, and Madison Ivy.

Johnny Manziel should become a sports blogger

He needs to become a blogger. He needs to write for the Players' Tribune. I'm sure they'll hire him over there. ... because pretty much all bloggers do all day is they talk about sports and then they get drunk at night. And that seems like it would be like a square peg, square hole situation.

LeBron James will announce he is re-signing with the Cavs by re-following them on Twitter

I actually think what's happening is that LeBron unfollowed the Cavs and that when he signs his option... he's going to announce it by refollowing the Cavs. It's such a shitty, like not cool thing to do, but it's so lame that it perfectly fits something that he would think was a good idea.