Takes

Marc Trestman's start to his NFL coaching career was statistically better than Matt Nagy's

Through 23 games and their NFL career one coach has 7,472 yards of offense the Has 7,887 yards of offense... Congrats? You took Marc Trestman. One was Matt Nagy and the other was Marc Trestman. That's interesting.

Winning Super Bowl 53 means Rob Gronkowski has three rings because of rounding rules

If Gronk had lost that Super Bowl, he'd still have one Super Bowl ring, but winning that Super Bowl means he has three... if you weigh 250 pounds, you can say, I'm pretty much 300 pounds... everybody would be like, yeah, you definitely look like you weigh 300 pounds.

Mike Wilbon thinks analytics have hijacked baseball

Wilbon... actually thinks that we're under an analytics hijacking... Analytics have hijacked his sport, baseball. And he says that we've gone so far and we undervalue wins. He doesn't care about ERA... He cares about wins.

The Capitals are a Team of Destiny because they beat the Lightning

Every single team that has defeated the Lightning in any round besides the first round went on to win the Stanley Cup. Team of Destiny. Doesn't get any more Team of Destiny than that. Now they're 2-0 in Stanley Cup this year. It's a dynasty.

The boat picture officially jinxed the New York Giants franchise

The Giants are 1-9 and have been outscored by 113 points since the famous boat picture... Even Cam Newton knew you had to get on board the Titanic... I am fully on board with the theory that the boat totally jinxed the entire franchise for the Giants.

Andrew Luck is the NFL's version of Derrick Rose

Andrew Luck, by the way, is now... He's, like, almost, he's not Derrick Rose, but, like, there's that semblance of, like, he could just have a random surgery at any moment without an injury happening

Kobe Bryant retiring both numbers is the most 'Kobe' story ever

Kobe Bryant, they're going to retire both of his numbers. That is the most Kobe story I have ever heard... Kobe Bryant, they're going to retire both of his numbers. [Jordan] is one number. No, but it's two separate numbers in different locations. Different teams.

The worse Bill Belichick looks, the better the Patriots play

The more I actually review these outfits, it's just the worse he looks, the better they play. It actually makes sense. He's the opposite of look good, play good.

Jacksonville cannot beat teams that are named after big cats

Jacksonville has lost seven straight games to teams that are named after big cats, just like the Jaguars. So it's one of those situations where Superman can beat anybody, but he can't beat Kryptonite because he's from Kryptonite.

LSU will lose this week because Coach O cannot handle the extra time of a bye week

I think LSU's fucked this week. My sabermetrics is you can't give Coach O two weeks to do anything. Coach O has to have a game a week... You don't spend 14 days studying 2 plus 2 equals 4. That's too long to study that.

October 22nd is the most significant date in Chicago Cubs history

October 22nd, 2016, the Cubs clinched the NLCS. October 22nd, 2011, the Cubs hired Theo Epstein. October 22nd, 1970, the man behind the Billy Goat curse died. October 22nd is a big-time sabermetrics date in Cubs history now.

The Royals' praying mantis should be burned to kill their team's mojo

I'm just saying it'd be a real shame if someone snuck into their dugout and dropped a match in there and watched the, what's it, a terrarium? ... If you're trying to get rid of their mojo... That's a direct correlation.