Takes

Russell Westbrook is a bad fit for the Denver Nuggets

He went to the nuggets today. So he went, he went to the jazz, they bought the contract out. And then he goes to the Nuggets. I don't like that fit on the nuggets either.

Victor Hovland sucks

Victor Hovland sucks. That was a bad decision by us with the whole death thing. And then he was eating ice cream. That sucked. This is a tough course.

Links golf is never fun to watch

it just never seems fun. When I watch it, I'm like, what? This, the wind is always blowing. It's overcast. There's huge bunkers. It just doesn't seem fun.

The Open Championship is the worst sporting event to attend as a fan

it looks like the worst event to go to as a fan, as a spectator. Just sitting out in the rain, in the wind the whole time.

Meatball salad is an excellent Italian staple

I'm gonna go mushrooms... I always pick meatball. Great salad. Meatball salad is an excellent salad. It's an Italian thing. Meatball salad.

Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza

I fucking love pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple with, with barbecue chicken on a pizza... At what point did it become a thing where people are like, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza?

Teams that play hard are guaranteed to stay in the game

There was a veteran coach at Ohio State... he said, 'man, your guys would play hard.' I didn't realize how good that felt when he said 'your guys play hard.' So I always try to carry that through. If you play hard, you're gonna be in the game.

I would not lose to Luke Fickell in a street fight

I do not believe if it was a street fight that I would lose to [Luke Fickell]. [Even though he's an elite wrestler], that is not a sanctioned wrestling event. I'm intimidating. I'm bigger than him. I would not lose.

The NBA is better for basketball fans when the Knicks are doing well

it's better for basketball if the Knicks are doing well, it's better for basketball. Same with hockey. If the Rangers go well. Brunson is out. Amazing. And I met him at a game and he's such a nice guy.

Most people are full of shit and lie just to make themselves seem more interesting

I think everybody's lying to you... just think that everybody's full of shit. And most people are. I mean, you a lot of times you go and you start talking to people. If they're at a party, people start bragging... they're already lying because you're trying to be entertaining, you're trying to sound interesting. So a lot of things that people are saying to you are gonna be false.

There is a unique thrill and rush to sneaking into places without paying

It's a absolutely. You have a rush. There's something about it. There's something about not paying for something and getting away with it. And you gotta see something. That was amazing seeing Game seven of the Stanley Cup. I met Jordan at his double nickel game.

The Home Run Derby is officially dead

The Home Run Derby is officially dead. And here's why... the Home Run Derby has lost its luster. The Juice Ball Home Run Derby. The way the format was set, the Home Run Derby is dead because all it took was one horrific national anthem to steal the night.

Alex Ovechkin being ranked 54th on ESPN's Top 100 Athletes list is disrespectful to hockey

That Ovy [Alex Ovechkin] is so far down. Like Hank said, it's disrespectful to hockey, it's disrespectful to the entire country of Russia. The man is about to surpass Wayne Gretzky for the top goal scorer of all time in the NHL.

The world would be better if George W. Bush had become Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

If George W. Bush had become commissioner of Major League baseball, the world would be so much better. Baseball would be so much better. Say what you want about the man, the fucking All-Star game's not ending in a tie with George W. Bush.

Bronny James is not currently a professional-level basketball player.

The way that he said, 'I don't think Bronny's a pro' isn't that bad for [Jalen Brown] because it's also not wrong. He's not a pro. Which is probably an accurate [statement].

LeBron James only brought Bronny into the NBA to bolster his GOAT case against Michael Jordan

Some people could argue that LeBron, when he realized that he wasn't going to win six titles and match MJ, he's like, 'what else can I try to get that will, they'll say in my GOAT conversation' and having Bronny—playing with Bronny—will be there. MJ's son never played in the league.

Human beings just become worms after they die

I think what happens after you die is you get eaten by worms. We all just become worms.

Seasons three through eight of The Simpsons are the best television ever made.

I think Seasons three through eight on The Simpsons are the best TV ever made.

Jameis Winston is a great player who doesn't get enough credit for how good he is.

The one thing I love about Jameis is he doesn't get enough credit for just how good of a player he is. Because he is hilarious, he's a funny teammate, he has all the sound bites... but he's a great player.

My brother David Carr is way more talented than I am.

I go back and I'm like, dude, like [David Carr] is way more talented than I am. He's 240, you know, runs a 4.6, throws the ball 85 yards. Like genius smart... he never felt football like [New York] since college. Of course you think, man, what if he was in a different situation?

Antonio Brown is the hardest practicing player I've ever seen in my life.

I loved AB. He is the hardest practicing player I've ever seen in my life. He practices hard. He competes at just a different level. And you know, hopefully he's a hall of famer. As a player, he's insane.

Taysom Hill is a Hall of Fame football player

Taysom Hill is the best football player I've ever played with... that man is a Hall of Fame football player. He does everything. Throws, runs, catches, fullback, quarterback, tight end, receiver, slots, punts, blocks, punts, personal protector.

I make up fake stories to motivate myself like Michael Jordan did.

My caddy who was my best friend, he is like, 'you're a psychopath.' Because like, I'll make stories up. I see Jordan do that. He's like, I make stories up. Like yeah, they thought I couldn't do this... those are two plays... that fuel you.

The Open Championship is essentially a 'Snow Game' in football terms

The open is a snow game. There's just so much unpredictability involved in a snow game. Maybe you can throw the ball, maybe you gotta run it. You don't know if you can depend on your kicker at all. That's what I look at here.

Jalen Brunson taking a massive pay cut is the coolest move possible for a fan

Pretty much the coolest move you can do if you're a fan of the Knicks. I don't think players, I think players should get what they're worth, but I wouldn't complain if our were Knicks fan right now that he just left 113 million on the table to make his team better and hope and deliver a championship to the Knicks.

Offsides should be removed from soccer

Offsides should be taken out of soccer. There should be no offsides.

MVP Baseball 2005 is the greatest baseball game ever created

MVP Baseball 2005 was the greatest baseball player—was MVP Baseball? Yeah. The greatest baseball game. I think '04 as well was very good... those two versions were so, so elite.

My brief stint with the Rams saved my NFL career

Going to LA just for that like last five games of the year was so unbelievable for me. Like getting a fresh start... it brought the fun back and like, that's when I'm having fun, talking trash, enjoying it. Like that's when I'm at my best and yeah. I, I needed that.

Mike Evans is a top 5 receiver of all time if he plays a few more years

If he plays three, four more years the way he's been playing, he's a top five receiver of all time. No he is... he's had 10 seasons in a row of a thousand yards. And he's the consistent one. Right. And like he doesn't get that recognition.

I saw a bright circle UFO in Austin, Texas

Literally like, we got the, the screen on the car's real bright... Emily's in the passenger seat. She's looking at her phone, this like, like circle shape object. Like bright as hell. Literally just goes from right here and goes straight down. She was looking at her phone... it was so bright that she looked up and saw it too and it just like disappeared. Like completely disappeared.

Adam Schefter is one of the few media members you can actually trust with off-the-record information

Adam and I actually are close... he's one of the media members you can actually trust that if it's off the record, it's not going anywhere. Like he actually will keep it close to the vest.

The USMNT will never be great until the players care enough to fight fans in the stands

The United States will never be great at soccer until our players care enough to go into the stands and fight people from other countries. It just means more. That somehow a Malice at the Palace situation... these guys just fucking care about soccer.

Nike is likely behind Jaylen Brown and Kyrie Irving being left off Team USA

And I do think there is probably some truth to the Nike thing where Kyrie is also, you know, if [Jaylen Brown's] a snub, Kyrie's a snub... They're both very outspoken against Nike. Coincidence? Probably not.

Kyrie Irving and Jaylen Brown are clearly better basketball players than Derrick White

Obviously Derrick White's a great player... but if we're talking on pure talent, Kyrie and [Jaylen Brown] are better than Derrick White.

The Pirates should have let Paul Skenes try to finish his no-hitter despite the pitch count

Paul Skeens threw a no hitter through seven innings... 99 [pitches]. Took him out before he got to a hundred. I get it. But also, fuck that... put 'em out there for the eighth inning. See if he can get out of it in 10 pitches.

Taking $30,000 is better than playing one week in the MLB

Would you rather get handed 30 K right now or play a week in the big leagues? 30 k all day... If you put me on an MLB team for a week, I think it'd be the most miserable week of your life. Every single play just being a disaster for you.

It is almost impossible to get a bad version of a BLT

I'll go with BLT. Classic. Never fails. Some of these sandwiches, you can get bad versions of them. It's almost impossible to get a bad version of A BLT.

A Chicken Club sandwich is much better than a Turkey Club

I'm gonna go with chicken club. Much better than a Turkey club. Oh, much better.

The Banh Mi is the best sandwich in the world

I'm gonna go with it Bon me [Banh Mi] the Vietnamese sandwich. It's so, fuck. I, I think it's rated as like the best sandwich in the world. I read that a couple places... It's awesome. Yeah. It's, I would say it's worthy of a first round grade.

Pimento cheese is an overrated sandwich filling

I think pimento cheese is overrated... The problem with pimento cheese is there's absolutely no crunch or hard factor in there. It's just soft. Just soft.

I would retire from football if it guaranteed the Bills a Super Bowl win

If that's what it took, I would do it. [Big Cat: You guarantee it?] I would do it. I feel like I would have a part whether I played or not.

Keegan Bradley being named Ryder Cup captain is an intentional 'make good' for his 2023 snub

It does feel like a make good, but it's, I mean, he's a great dude and he's gonna be a good captain. I just want him to be as petty as possible and like, maybe even call Zach Johnson and be like, 'Hey, you've made the Ryder Cup team, we need you on the team.' And then him be like, 'Really? That's awesome.' Like psych you bro.

Dak Prescott is only wearing a walking boot as a precaution to avoid getting into vacation fights

Maybe Dak Prescott is wearing the walking boot because in the past he has gone on vacations and got his ass beat. So if he puts on the walking boot, it's kind of a like, 'Hey, I'm not here to fight guy.' You're not gonna hit a guy who's handicapped... it's a precautionary 'don't want to get my ass beat like I did on spring break'.

One bagel is never satisfying; a backup bagel is essential for breakfast

One and a half bagels is usually the perfect amount... One bagel is never fully satisfying. A backup bagel is the most important. What about bacon, egg and cheese. Great. You need to finish it off with something. Keep it off with a bagel.

I sometimes order backup sandwiches at Jimmy John's

Sometimes I'll do backup sandwiches... like if you want to try two different things. I'll get like a buffalo chicken sandwich and a cheesesteak... I always get a backup sandwich. You can put that in the fridge.

Andy Pettitte is the best big-game pitcher I have ever seen

Andy Pettitte's probably the best big game pitcher I've ever seen, you know, in my career. He just, that guy just, he knew how to win.

I wish I had used steroids during my MLB career

I look back now, I go, fuck, I wish I would've done 'em. Yeah. To be honest with you. I wish I would've because I, I don't think I would've, I I think I would've gained velocity. You know, I, I, I think in that aspect, so with my ability to throw strikes, I think it would've made me a lot better.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred hates baseball and should have been fired years ago

Rob Manfred. I just, I think he hates baseball. So he's just screwing it up while his tenure's still going. And he's gonna see how much he could fuck it up... They should have booted him years ago.

MLB should fire all analytic guys and get rid of the pitch clock because a computer has no heartbeat

I would get rid of the clock. I'd get every analytic guy outta there. All the nerds. Drop 'em off in the middle of the lake and let 'em swim in. A computer doesn't tell you, it doesn't have a heartbeat... now these kids nowadays, they don't have to think for themselves.

I would kill Hitler if I was on the 1936 Olympic team

I think I would wanna be Jesse Owens and just win gold medal Right. in Hitler's face... And I would kill Hitler while I was there. Kill Hitler.