Takes

You can't tell the story of football without Julian Edelman and Eli Manning

The best argument that Julian Edelman has and Eli Manning is you can't tell the story of football without those guys. Because you can't tell the story of the Falcons Super Bowl without Julian Edelman. You can't tell the story of Tom Brady's career without Eli Manning.

Ronald Acuña Jr. is officially the face of baseball

My cool throne is baseball because we do officially—I'm ready to call it—Ronald Acuña fully the face of baseball already. I just think Ronald Acuña, like, did you see what he did? He beat out the very routine infield hit... scores tagging up from third on a pop-up to the second baseman.

24-hour news networks should be tried for treason for dividing the country

I am a firm believer that there should no longer be 24-hour news networks because just the sheer panic of having to fill up all that time. I just find that CNN and Fox News, they should be tried for treason. All they do is divide the locker room.

Julian Edelman belongs in the Hall of Fame for his big game performance

Whenever we needed a first down, whenever we needed a big play, somehow that guy got open. I would put that [Atlanta Super Bowl] catch arguably as one of the greatest Super Bowl catches of all time. I look at him like he was on the modern day Steelers of the 70s and he was our Swan or Stallworth and both of those guys are in. I put him in there.

The OMAD (One Meal A Day) diet is going to 'kick everyone's ass'

I'm on a diet. You've got to get your stomach small, bro. Once you reach OMAD (One Meal A Day), it's a level of intermittent fasting... If I never eat again, I will be skinny. OMAD is going to kick everyone's ass.

It's better to take vacations while you are young and can actually do things

As I've gotten to my age, I realized that... I'd rather take vacations while I'm youthful and can do many things. As opposed to earlier when you never took vacations. You don't want to just be an ant marching, dude. You're just a rat in a cage.

Tiger Woods would have won the 2021 Masters if he had been able to play

I think Tiger [Woods] would have won this Masters, I'll be honest with you. I agree.

Brooks Koepka is a hero for playing the Masters on one leg

We should also say the real winner of this Masters is Brooks Koepka. Competing on one leg like a warrior. Walking paralyzed man. Exactly. So the fact he was even able to get out there and play two rounds of golf. That's impressive.

Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses

I think that Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses because everyone talks about it all the time. It's perfectly manicured. It always makes sure that it's presented in its best light. Even with the papers that they give you, they give you a wrapping paper for a pimento cheese sandwich... That's green, so even if it falls on the ground, you don't see all the trash getting blown around. It's always got its best foot forward, and they will go out of their way to make sure that it is never presented in a frumpy light.

James Harden is the best player on the Brooklyn Nets

The Brooklyn Nets this year, they are 36-17. They are 27-7 with James Harden playing, and they are 9-10 without. James Harden is the best player in the Brooklyn Nets.

Bryson DeChambeau struggled at the Masters because he lacked specific yardage books

Augusta National, they don't provide [yardage books]... I almost wonder if it kind of jams up [Bryson DeChambeau's] airspace, so to speak, because you've got to sort it out completely on your own, and I think that's why you hear people talk so much about local knowledge and about playing here for years.

Maryland basketball's success is cheap because it's built on transfer portal 'mercenaries'

Do you think that your success next year, which I'm sure you guys will have tons of success at Maryland, is cheapened by the fact that it's all transfers? ... Classy and honorable to talk to a kid when he's 12 years old and keep talking to him until he goes to your college, and then you win with him as opposed to getting just a mercenary from another school.

Augusta National pipes in bird noises for the Masters broadcast

I'm more convinced than ever that the birds are actually piped in crowd noise. Agreed. There's one bird in particular. They play its call over and over and over. It's a cardinal, I think. They're getting sloppy with it. I think it might be a whippoorwill. But whatever it is, it's very obvious.

Bryson DeChambeau looks fat when he is playing poorly

When you're bigger and you're doing well, you're strong. And when you're doing poorly, you're fat. And he looks fat today. Not to body shame, but there's something about the plus four next to his name that the strength now becomes a little pudgy.

Coach K's role with USA Basketball is a major gray area for recruiting

Coach K just, you know, getting to be friends with all of the NBA All-Stars and then, like, when he goes on recruiting visits being like, oh, you want me to FaceTime LeBron? Again, not cheating, but I would say that's a gray area, a major gray area.

Being a dad is the coolest thing ever

Being a dad is, like, the coolest thing ever. I'm just going to say that. Not to be sappy. But I fucking, like, me and my son, like, we bro out hard all the time... vibes to the moon.

Gonzaga should absolutely play in a real conference

Well, you should play in a real conference. You should absolutely play in a real conference. Yes, I'm going to say that with my chest. And yeah, a lot of it has to do with the fact that there aren't a ton of Gonzaga fans out there. It's not like we're talking shit about the Steelers... With Gonzaga, it's like free play. Consequence free zone.

If a player scores while committing a charge, the basket should still count

To fix the charge rule, because this is one of those things where there's so many and it's kind of annoying where it's like there's too many charges. They should make it so that if you score, it counts. No matter what.

Every team Kevin Durant joins becomes 'whack'

Every team KD goes to, he makes them whack, you know? I love the Warriors. The Warriors were cool. They had their thing going. And then KD showed up to the party and was like, wait, guys, include me. And then I hated the Warriors. And then, you know, he went to the Nets. And now they're like, you know... If they don't win the championship, they're so whack.

If Sam Darnold never gets mono, his career would have been completely different

My question is, does Sam Darnold get traded from the Jets if he never gets mono? Is that the sliding door moment of Sam Darnold's entire life? I actually kind of think it is... If he never gets mono, is he something different? And I actually kind of think yes.

The Masters is the best 'come down' from the stress of March Madness

There's nothing better, though, than the Masters come down from the March Madness. It is really the greatest... Like set up because it's high impact, high stress sports watching for three, four weeks. And then you get the most low impact, good on your knees, napping on the couch in and out the best type of sports watching.

Aaron Rodgers is the perfect fit to host Jeopardy!

I do think that this is the perfect fit for Aaron Rodgers. I think it's everything that he loves. I watched Jeopardy a lot, and it features mustaches heavily, and it features the host who gets to know the answers to everything and feel smarter than everybody else, which is exactly in Aaron Rodgers' name.

LeBron James never would have won the 2020 title if fans were in the stands

LeBron. Because he never would have won a title if there were fans. Seriously.

The cancelation of Barstool Van Talk saved their lives

We would all be super mega rich film stars or dead. Dead. That's my go-to answer when everyone, if anybody asks me a question like that, it's like, yeah, I would have died within six months. We did it for fucking seven days and I was pooping blood.

Miley Cyrus is the greatest entertainer of all time

I went to the one [concert] where she did the tour, and she had a bunch of... It was almost like a mini circus that she brought out onto the... She's the greatest entertainer of all time. It was awesome.

If a play is cool enough, it should not be a penalty or a foul

If it took place in a basketball game or in a football game, if it's cool enough, it should not be a penalty or a foul. Correct. Secondly, I also think that if you are the type of person that's going to well actually a great play like that, you should have a great play taken away from you as well.

The Jalen Suggs buzzer-beater is the third-best in NCAA Tournament history

I think this makes it three... Chris Jenkins is number one because you won the title... I think that's two [Laettner], but I think this makes it three.

WWE fans will initially complain about any major change

I'm of the opinion that no matter what you do, people are going to, in their initial take on it, their initial thought is to question or criticize... nothing is perfect in its first iteration. And there'll be a lot of changes that are made... i think this is going to be a great thing for people long term.

NXT has more passion than the main roster because they are still proving themselves

NXT has morphed into becoming sort of its own brand... it's sort of like college football where you're still playing for the love of the game. It hasn't become about just money yet or just position yet... I think in NXT that passion comes across harder. They're still trying to prove a point.

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied because he genuinely does not care that everyone hates him

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied just because he truly does not care that everyone hates him. And I think he might be the only person on it that actually feels that way.

North Carolina should not hire Brad Stevens

America wants it to be Carolina and I want to come on your show nationally and say: We don't want Brad Stevens. Why do I want a floundering NBA coach to be my coach? I'm trying to win championships. Send him to Duke. He's a private school coach. Send him to Duke.

Kansas and North Carolina are the top two jobs in college basketball

I think that the top two jobs in college basketball are Kansas and North Carolina, and they're interchangeable to me. Kentucky is probably number three on that list for me. I think UCLA is the fourth best job in the country.

Indiana basketball is the fifth best job in the country

I think my fifth school would probably be Indiana. I think that in general, you just have kids that want to play there because of the prestige, tradition, whatever it is. And you have Indianapolis, which has a ton of basketball talent and the surrounding area in general.

Houston winning the Final Four would be the worst case scenario for entertainment

I think Houston winning is worst case, though, because if Houston's in the title game, then Gonzaga or UCLA will beat them, in my opinion. I'm terrified of that.

Indiana basketball fans are exactly like Nebraska football fans

Indiana fans, they're much like Nebraska football fans where they think the glory days are right around the corner from coming back, and that is torture. That is true torture.

10:00 PM tip-offs separate the real college basketball fans from the casuals

The late start times, I initially was like, you know what? This separates the casuals from the real fans like me, if you're willing to stay up until 10 for a tip-off. Two school nights in a row of 10 o'clock tip-offs. I think I've seen enough.

Zach Wilson's cross-body pro day throw was absolutely insane

Zach Wilson had an insane throw where he rolled out left and then cross body through towards the right pylon, like 70 yards in the air.

Michael Strahan sold out by getting the gap in his teeth fixed

My hot seat's Michael Strahan... He got rid of the gap in his teeth... His approval rating will probably, I mean, people are used to seeing the gap, and it's like, you know, embrace your imperfections, dude.

Kevin Durant has actually become more likable by being more online

Kevin Durant is the most online person of all time. I think he has done the impossible. Usually when people are more online, they become worse people... Kevin Durant has become more likable by being online more.

Alabama's refusal to shoot mid-range jumpers hurt their free throw shooting

I would ask maybe the lack of mid-range jump shots in practice and making it one point and saying everyone has to only shoot fours or twos had something to do with them going 11 for 25 from the free throw line in a very important situation.

Billy Football doesn't have the punctuality to be a Navy SEAL

Billy drunkenly tweeted... 'I would trade it all to be a Navy SEAL.' Now... rule number one of being a Navy SEAL is punctuality. And Billy fails at that all the time.

Baseball suffered the most from having no fans in attendance

I'm very excited about baseball season because baseball, I think, was the sport that suffered the most not having fans in attendance. It didn't feel real with nobody in the stands. There's something about going to a baseball game in the middle of the day in the summertime.

Francis Ngannou's life story deserves a 30 for 30

We do need a 30 for 30 on Francis Ngannou's life. It's crazy. He worked in a sand mine when he was 10 years old in Cameroon... traveled to Europe, took 14 months, failed a bunch of times, had to go to prison because he illegally crossed the border... and now he's a world champ.

Soft basketball teams cannot win in the NCAA Tournament in March

You've got to get to the free throw line. Soft teams can't win in March. There you go. That was a Buffalo quote. I had a few quotes at Buffalo... quit avoiding contact. Get your butt to the free throw line.

Bill Walton incepted the Pac-12 teams into becoming the 'Conference of Champions'

He's [Bill Walton] incepted us into thinking that the Pac-12 is actually the Conference of Champions, and now he's incepted the teams themselves into believing in themselves so much that they are now advancing to potentially become the Conference of Champions.

If I become president, I will immediately ban any food that causes health conditions

If I become president, it's going to be an immediate change. I'm talking about a strong change. I'm going to start with food. I'm going to make sure any kind of food that I know draw any kind of health conditions, I'm just literally going to abominate it. I'm not going to ask for laws. I'm not going to ask for nothing. I'm literally going to just abominate them.

Coaches who have won a national championship should be required to wear a suit on the sidelines

If you've won a national championship, you should be required to wear a suit on the sidelines. Bill Self, no. Everyone else, yes. I like Bill Self in a suit. He's a good polo guy, but I agree. Coach K's a suit guy. Jay Wright's a suit guy.

The Syracuse zone defense is the most perfect invention in the history of college basketball

It's honestly like the most perfect invention in the history of college basketball. I can't think of a gimmicky type offense or defense besides maybe the triple option at certain schools that has existed for this long and will always fuck you up even when you know that it's coming for you.

Fill out a bracket when it comes out, then bet against it once the games start

As soon as the bracket comes out, you have to fill out a bracket and stash it away until right before the games are out... You just fill out a bracket without everybody saying right at that point. And then you put it away till Thursday and then you bet against it. It really works out a lot of the time.

The Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback

The Bears are just destined to never have a quarterback. Every time the Bears have the chance to possibly do a franchise-altering move, they find a way not to do it. It doesn't matter if the Bears have a top draft pick because we had a top draft pick and we drafted Mitch Trubisky. This sucks the soul out of my tone of be.