Takes

I am a James Dolan defender because nobody wants to win more than him

Nobody has branded themselves as a James Dolan defender. That's all I'm going to say... I think it's disgusting how everything's always James Dolan's fault. I'm here to tell you, nobody wants to win more than James Dolan.

The best actors are actually not acting at all

Acting is the absence of acting. It's believing in the truth of the moment you're creating at that time with your heart without thinking.

I went to the spiritual zone and was surrounded by angels after my motorcycle accident

I know what [heaven] feels like because I have been in the spiritual zone and the supernatural surrounded by angels... I was dead for two hours, correct? ... It was a beautiful experience of understanding something that I wouldn't have understood without having the accident.

Deja vu is when your mind picks up something before your brain does

A deja vu is when your mind picks up something before your brain does. Then when your brain picks it up, it's like, I've been here before. This has happened before.

The word L-I-F-E stands for 'Living In Forever Eternity'

Life, L-I-F-E, stands for living in forever eternity. It's not ever over.

Hell is a self-imposed condition created by yourself

Hell is what you make it within yourself... So hell is a self-imposed condition... Hell is really something you create yourself.

I don't trust anyone who marries someone they went to college with

First of all, right off the bat, I don't really trust anybody that gets married to somebody that they went to college with.

Penalties occurring after a negated interception should not count

The rule that if you have like a excessive celebration or a, you know, Block in the back or something on an interception that gets negated. It shouldn't count. if the interception is negated everything after that should be allocated.

The Drew Brees injury was the best thing to happen to the Saints because it removed the pressure

Drew Brees' injury was the best thing to happen to the Saints because it took all the pressure off this season... The Saints were the snake-bitten team with all the pressure in the world... He gets hurt and now it's like the old nobody believes in us theory.

I'm defending Mike Tomlin's decision to kick off in overtime against the Ravens

Mike Tomlin did the unthinkable and in overtime they did, they won the coin flip and they elected to kick... it actually makes sense... He said that his kick return team was so bad on Sunday that he knew that if he elected to receive they would have a very good chance of not moving the ball and then giving the Ravens great field position.

I would trade a first-round pick for Justin Tucker

Honestly the way the Titans are built where its defense and you don't know which Marcus Mariota you're going to get I would trade a first-round pick for Justin Tucker.

Getting the new iPhone within the first month of release is a brag

I have a take I hate people who get the new iPhone within the first month. It's such a fucking brag... if you get it right away, then you are the new iPhone guy and then you have to keep doing that. Every time everyone knows the person who gets the new iPhone immediately.

Your morals are only morals until it fucks with your wallet

It's a good life lesson: Your morals are only morals until it fucks with your wallet... The NBA is just showing them like, hey, we go against Trump because it doesn't cost us anything... but if we're talking about people wanting to be free, just kidding, we've got to sell the League Pass to [China].

Troy Aikman is permanently concussed

He's concussed. He's concussed permanently. When he talks about Jared Goff, he calls him Jared Goff [Goff as in Golf]. I kind of like it. All the time.

Jay Gruden played Dwayne Haskins early just to prove to the front office that he wasn't ready

I actually think it was [Jay Gruden] saying fuck you to Dan Snyder and Bruce Allen who want him to play Dwayne Haskins. He put Dwayne Haskins in knowing he was going to fuck up just to be like, see, I told you he wasn't ready.

Roger Federer is the GOAT of tennis

Federer is a goat. We better not be talking about Novak.

Rapping is only 20% of being successful in the music industry

I think personally, rapping is like 20% of it. And it doesn't mean that you don't have the 100% potential and experience and lyrics and, you know, do what you do. But I feel like people forget about the business side.

The Cincinnati Bearcats' black field prank was a terrible joke

Cincinnati...dying their field black for Friday night's game. I've never been more excited to bet on a team. Turns out they were just kind of like joking... that's not a good joke. Getting everyone excited about it. That's a terrible joke. I was so pumped to watch Cincinnati on an all-black field.

You have to be at least 80 years old to officially die of 'old age'

I would say you have to be over 80 to die of old age. ... Once you pass 80, you can't expect anyone to be sad about your death. That actually is the nice zone.

Adult males who buy baseball pants should be put on a no-fly list

I think any time somebody buys an adult male buys a pair of baseball pants. They should be put on a no-fly list.

Ben Roethlisberger gets healthier the more he gets injured

I think he gets healthier the more he gets injured if that makes sense because he had some spunk in his step. He was very demonstrative. He was like jogging back and forth. I like big been injured on the sidelines better than I like him in a game.

Shaquille O'Neal won the diss track battle against Damian Lillard

The problem was that Shaq's diss track went harder and Shaq has the power of Inside the NBA... lyrical M3 time Finals MVP MVP candidate. You are not one.

Killer Kowalski would think modern wrestling training has 'made a bunch of pussies'

What would Kowalski say [about the Performance Center]? He would say we made a bunch of pussies. Like his version of if you did something wrong he had a plastic bag with a knot tied in the top... and he would hit you in the head with phone books.

Wrestling is about the emotional story, not the stunts

I'm a big believer in all of the stuff that we do is just stunts. The story is what gets people. There's that Maya Angelou statement of people don't remember what you say, they remember how you make them feel. I believe that's what's true in our business... it's the emotion of what you do.

Kirk Cousins is a beta for apologizing to Adam Thielen

Our long National nightmare is over. Yes Kirk Cousins apologize to Adam thielen for not throwing the ball more deep on Sunday... so such a beta so so virgin Kirk Cousins Chad Adam thielen.

The Florida Panthers are the most irrelevant franchise in the history of sports

Could you think of a more like a more forgettable franchise. Whoa. I don't think so... Florida Panthers of the most irrelevant get your charade rise in the history of sports have to be.

Matthew Stafford outdueled Patrick Mahomes in Week 4

Matt Stafford, I'm going to say this, Matt Stafford outdueled Patrick Mahomes. ... [Mahomes] did not look sharp. He was missing guys. He was throwing guys—he looked okay, but he wasn't Patrick Mahomes.

Aaron Rodgers gets 'too cool' in the red zone

As Skip Bayless said, Aaron Rodgers gets too cool in the red zone.

I would rather have an aggressive coach like Doug Pederson than a wishy-washy one like Freddie Kitchens

I'd rather live with a coach who's aggressive and tries to steal the moment than a guy who goes wishy-washy, Freddie Kitchens. Do we call it the Freddie Kitchens or the Matt LaFleur when you just passed from inside the five-yard line?

Ranking Steph Curry over Kobe Bryant all-time is crazy

Bleacher Report came out with their top 50 all-time NBA players and Kobe was 14, Steph Curry is 10... They're mad. They're real mad. They're big mad.

College football is better when Nebraska is a good team

I rooting for you in Nebraska. I want you guys to be relevant again. College football is better when Nebraska's a good team. Yeah, when Nebraska's doing steroids in the 80s.

The fullback should be in the Hall of Fame as a position

I think there should be a fullback in the Hall of Fame. I think if you look at Moose Johnson, you look at guys like Sam Gash, you look at, you know, even Corey Schlesinger... I look at it and I'm just like, I just think that there has been, they let red guy, you let punters and stuff in. It should be a fullback, should be in the Hall of Fame.

Jeff Bezos remains bald to keep the 'fire within' to destroy the world

Bald guys are angrier... I think he keeps himself bald to keep that Fire Within. If he had his hair he be like everything's perfect. Why would I build a bunch of robot drones that could kill the world?

Short, bald men are perpetually angry because the world has given them nothing

Bald guys are angrier. It's like bald and short they're just angry at the world because the like the world the world has not given them anything... Walden short guys are just angry all the time.

Pete Rose belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame

Pete Rose Hall of Famer has to be in. Yes. Okay.

Michael Vick is not the moral authority to criticize Cam Newton's fashion

Michael Vick saying how dare you sir to Cam Newton wearing ridiculous postgame outfits... so strong words from the moral authority of quarterback play. Stay stick to just playing football don't do anything outside of football like wearing ridiculous outfits or murdering dogs.

John Elway is an idiot who is ruining his legacy as the Broncos GM.

John Elway is an idiot. John Elway is a smooth idiot. If you're Broncos fan, tweet us your real thoughts about John Elway at this point. Is he at the point where he has soured your memories of John Elway?... You win two Super Bowls, but dude, you stink.

Frank Gore's longevity at 36 is more impressive than Tom Brady's.

Frank Gore, he's 36 years old. He's never going to stop... This would be a take: Frank Gore and his age is more impressive than Tom Brady and his age... a running back shouldn't be playing at 36.

Daniel Jones is electric and is a live version of Eli Manning.

Daniel Jones, electric. Daniel Jones is electric... The difference between Daniel Jones and Eli Manning was so fucking apparent... Daniel Jones, he looks like the difference between an alive person and a dead person.

Anyone named 'Chase' is limited to being an SEC quarterback, a NASCAR driver, or an American Ninja Warrior course builder.

We realized that if your name is Chase... it's essentially SEC quarterback, NASCAR driver, and American Ninja Warrior course builder. That's it. That's it. Could you imagine being like, 'here's my doctor, his name is Chase'?

If you live in the South, you must cancel your wedding if it is scheduled for November 9th.

PSA. If you're getting married on November 9th, and you live anywhere below, let's say Kentucky. You need to cancel your wedding right now. Because your wedding will be cursed.

Gardner Minshew's ability to make fans "feel things" is exactly what you need in an NFL quarterback

Gardner Minshew is a quarterback. We don't know if he's great yet, but what we do know about Gardner Minshew is he makes us feel things, and that's all you need from a quarterback in the NFL. You want a quarterback that makes you feel stuff. Gardner Minshew makes me feel amped up and ready to go out and get in some trouble. And that's what I want out of a quarterback.

My dad and I would walk out as the winners in a cage match against any other father-son duo in the NFL

I'd like to see me and my dad in a cage match versus anybody, any other father-son duo. And, you know, I think we'd stand out, you know, we'd walk out, and then afterwards there's no telling who would come up to us or come on to us. It'd be fun.

NFL teams should run significantly less on first down

They should not be running as much on first down. They need to be passing the ball more. The floor on completion percentage has risen tremendously. So it's a lot more efficient to throw the football and you're not having as many of those risks that coaches get scared about.

Running the ball on 2nd and 10 is the worst thing a coach can do

They opt to run the ball on second and 10, which is the worst thing that you could do on second down because you're very unlikely to have a successful gain and you might as well just pass twice to try to convert that first down as opposed to run then pass.

A quarterback’s performance is almost impossible to evaluate independently of the quality of their play-caller

There's two things that are very difficult to separate out in football. It's very difficult to separate out the performance of a quarterback from his play caller. Those two are like married so tightly together that it's very difficult to understand the context... and then it's, of course, the running back and the offensive line. It's hard to create a value of what is the running back because he's so dependent upon that offensive line.

Jared Goff's performance is almost entirely tied to Sean McVay's play-calling

I personally didn't think Jared Goff was worth that contract because I thought so much of what he was doing, his performance, was tied to his head coach... Sean McVay is so great [at] projecting fourth Jared Goff to become better.

Teams should either spread the defense out at the goal line or pass out of heavy sets to maximize efficiency

If you're not the Patriots, you need to spread teams out at the goal line spread them out and run... passing out of heavy sets... is very efficient. But coaches are concerned what the repercussions are going to be. They're concerned what the press is going to say if I stick Adrian Peterson on the bench and I use Chris Thompson and then it doesn't score a touchdown.

In the modern NFL, a high-quality secondary is more valuable than elite edge rushers

Now defense is a lot more about secondary play and takeaways because more teams are passing the football. So if you can get like five good DBs out there, that's more valuable at times than having the massive strength of your edge rushers and having just adequate secondary.

The Jaguars would be crazy to trade Jalen Ramsey

I think the Jaguars would be crazy to trade him. Crazy. I mean, he's really, really good. Really, really good.