Takes

Le'Veon Bell's absence accelerated Antonio Brown's departure from the Steelers

The locker room wasn't the locker room until Le'Veon left. Le'Veon is the mediator of everything... his absence, you think, helped accelerate the Antonio Brown stuff? For me, 100%.

The NBA should have a 'kill switch' rule for playoff games decided by 35+ points

In a playoff series, if a team wins by a certain amount... in basketball if they beat them by 35-plus, the series is automatically over right there. We just fast forward and we save everybody the time. If you get beat by 35 points, it's just the kill switch. And it would make blowouts exciting because teams would be having to try really hard in game one.

NBA Playoff teams should be eliminated if the main story of the game is players farting on the bench

If the takeaway from a game was someone farting on the bench and everyone covering up their nose like it was for the Sixers tonight, you also get eliminated because basically that means you're losing so bad that the camera's just going to show that.

Jack Dorsey is intentionally trying to ruin Twitter

I love how committed Jack [Dorsey] is to ruining Twitter. Yeah, he's just like every decision that he's ever made has actually made it worse. It's been pretty fun to watch.

Modern weed has become too good and it actually sucks now

My first personal Fyre Fest is weed. Just pot. I don't like smoking really good weed. I think really good weed has gotten so good that it sucks. I like nice, kind bud. Like a decent KB is what I'm about. If you give me something... orange crystals... I'm like, no, I don't want to smoke that because I'm going to feel like I'm on the moon and I don't want to be on the moon. I want to be like in the clouds.

Led Zeppelin is the greatest stage band of all time

Band band, like get up there and kick ass on a stage, it's Led Zeppelin. It's not even close. They invented a different genre of music... It's because they're the greatest.

There are only three quarterbacks in the NFL worth a 4-year, $140 million contract

There are three quarterbacks in all the NFL that you would give this deal to... Aaron Rodgers already got it. Russell Wilson just got it. Patrick Mahomes is the third. There's not anyone else. You can't think of any other guys.

New Orleans was God's calling for me, and Nick Saban belongs at Alabama

I think we can only recognize that it's worked out for both of us. That New Orleans was where I belonged and... I was there for a reason. That was truly God's calling for me and my wife and for [Nick] Saban. I think that he's done pretty well for himself at Alabama, so it's all worked out for everybody.

Neil Armstrong is a more significant Purdue alum than I am

I'd say that's pretty significant, though, what Neil Armstrong accomplished. So I'd have to put him up there [above me].

Blake Snell was actually having sex in the shower when he hurt his toe

Dude, you're having sex in the shower. Like that was a really long way of just saying, hey, I was having sex in the shower and I stubbed my toe.

Max Kellerman farted on 'First Take' because he's terrified of Stephen A. Smith

I think he did fart, and I think it's because Stephen A. Smith has just been owning him with debates... Kellerman is scared of Stephen A. Smith. He is absolutely frightened by the very sight of him.

The 2019 Masters was a bad weekend for the Augusta National course

I don't think I root for the course anymore. The course got embarrassed. This was a bad weekend for the course. Yeah, low scores.

Jimmy Butler screwed up the 76ers' chemistry

I think Jimmy Butler came in and screwed up the whole chemistry. That's what I think. Simmons can't shoot. It's so much easier to defend in the playoffs.

Cersei Lannister is the best character on Game of Thrones

I love Cersei. I love her. One of the best lines when they're like... I choose violence. And then she blows up everyone in the city... As soon as you get to a certain point where it's like, oh, this bitch doesn't care. I fucking love her.

Masters Sunday is the biggest napping day of the year

Everybody watches the Masters by themselves, maybe with their dad, maybe with a roommate or something like that, but it is the one day a year where you can take part in the biggest sporting event of that sport of the year and just sit there and chill, fall asleep, take a nap. It's the biggest Seebs Day of the year.

I am a B-plus level celebrity

What level of celebrity do you guys think you are now? [Vinny]: D minus... [DJ Pauly D]: Yeah, he's like a B. B plus. [Big Cat]: I live with that.

Chris Davis's hitless streak is actually fun to watch

Do you feel bad for Chris Davis, who is now 0 for 53? [PFT]: No, because it's so much fun to watch. And if the Orioles were going to be a threat to do anything this year, then maybe I would be. But he's helping them.

The best sports teams are usually the luckiest ones

To me, it seems like the best teams are always the ones that get the luckiest. You can make the case like, oh, Tom Brady shouldn't have as many Super Bowls because the interception bailed him out at the end of the Seattle game... But it turns out that if you have luck that adds up a lot, you're probably just good.

Unders in the first half are a strong betting trend for games played on raised floors in football stadiums.

I've noticed that teams, when they're on that raised floor... in the first half, it seems to me like all the first half unders were hitting on any game that's ever been played on an elevated floor, like in a football [stadium].

Basketball broadcasts should use the baseline rolling camera angle more frequently.

More basketball games should have the camera that they have on the baseline that rolls with the action. I only see that during the Final Four National Championship.

Instant replay should have a shot clock to keep the game moving

We should just have a shot clock on the replays because that would be thrilling. If the ref only has a certain amount of time... if they can't find the replay fast enough, guess what? Tough shit.

Sports replays should be broadcast in standard definition to better reflect what the human eye sees.

The replay should be done in standard definition... Going back to standard definition makes you feel like you're intoxicated already. It's blurry as shit. That would be actually a great way to tell.

Jimmy Kimmel is no longer a 'guy's guy' because he thinks 'One Shining Moment' is bad

That's when Jimmy stopped being a guy's guy. [When he said] that one shining moment lived out its one shining moment 15 years ago... that it's not cool anymore.

Steph Curry's ankle injury timing is perfect for providing an excuse if he plays poorly in the playoffs.

Steph Curry getting his yearly sprained ankle so that now when the playoffs start, we can say is Steph really 100% if he starts sucking? That was actually the perfect timing for him to roll his ankle.

The Masters deserves all the hype it gets and cannot be overhyped

You can't overhype the Masters. Take your microphone off. That's a bad take. The Masters deserve all the hype.

Patrick Reed's Masters menu looks like what a 14-year-old thinks an adult dinner is.

This menu really is like what a 14 year old would think an adult's menu looks like. He basically was forced to be like well I like steak and and I don't really like anything else. I like macaroni and cheese. I'm surprised chicken fingers weren't on here.

Tiramisu is an overrated dessert

The dessert is weird. It's tiramisu. Tiramisu is overrated, by the way.

The player who signs second between Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving will be viewed as the follower, not the leader.

Durant and Irving are debating on who will sign first. Why is that important? The player that is signed second is viewed as the follower, not the leader. Oh, my God. This league.

Instant replay has been positive for the NFL and fans generally don't mind the pace of play issues.

I think replay has been good for football... Honestly, I don't know how we'd get through games nowadays without it. I think people mostly don't even notice that it's slowing the game down at all. I think we're mostly glad we have it.

Being a sports fan is way harder than being a professional player

It's totally different as a fan. It's almost more nerve-wracking. You just feel so hopeless... As a fan, I am just, man, I, uh, I'm, I'm a basket case... being a fan is way harder than being a player.

Aaron Rodgers isn't a malicious teammate, just passive-aggressive

I don't think that Aaron Rodgers is as bad as the article might have made him out to be. I don't think he is a maliciously bad teammate. I think he is very passive-aggressive and will cut someone off probably pretty quickly.

Auburn's loss to Virginia is the worst possible way to lose a Final Four game

Auburn, I would say that might be the worst possible way to lose a Final Four game of all time... hitting three free throws in that situation, that's the shit you do in your backyard, and you miss two out of three, and you're like, all right, redo. He was money on all three. And Auburn, I would say that might be the worst possible way to lose a Final Four game of all time.

You can't play the 'sliding doors' game with officiating mistakes in a loss

Auburn has a terrible loss but at the end of the day it's like that's kind of how it goes. Like you can't play sliding doors, you can't be like, well this call should have gone another way and it would have changed everything.

Kirk Cousins is an average quarterback who doesn't motivate anyone

Kirk Cousins also gave the pregame speech which is perfectly Kirk Cousins. It was, it didn't motivate a single person and I honestly don't think like Michigan State like didn't lose the game as much as Texas Tech was just so fucking good.

The 2006 Suns were better than the 2007 team that everyone thinks should have won the title

Everybody speculates thinking [2007] was the year we should have won the championship... I don't. [The year before that] was better... I was physically, mentally drained because I was going from Sam Cassell to Elden Brand and Chris Kaman. From Kobe to Lamar to Ron Artest... Then I had to go against Dirk. My body was shut. I was tired. I was dead tired.

I was the best shooter in the NBA and my form didn't need fixing because I bust everybody's ass

I would beat the shit out of everybody. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I would bust everybody ass... [Coaches] couldn't shoot either. What the fuck are you going to tell me what to do?

Dirk Nowitzki was actually a great defender during the Mavericks' 2011 championship run

Dirk was actually a great defender for us in the championship run. People like, you know, I ain't, but like I said, it's not all about individual defense, but team defense. He was amazing.

LeBron James isn't a bad teammate, but he does show his teammates up too much on the court

He's not a bad teammate... but I'm just going to be real candid and honest, though. I think he shows his teammates up a little bit too much on the court. You know, and, you know, that's just part of him.

LeBron James shows his teammates up too much on the court

I think he shows his teammates up a little bit too much on the court. You know, and, you know, that's just part of him. I mean, you know, he kind of feel like he earned that. And I mean, that's him... but that's one of the things I don't like he does.

The Jets should release new, shittier uniforms every year to match the state of the franchise

The Jets should almost come out with new shittier versions of their uniform every year because that goes right along with the state of the franchise. And it's probably if you can get the people talking about how bad your uniforms are, that's a great distraction for the Jets.

The 2018 Evolution event was the best WWE pay-per-view of the year

This year we had our first ever all women's pay-per-view Evolution, which I think stands as the best pay-per-view we've had all year... it blew the roof off the place.

The Undertaker is the most intimidating person in the world

Undertaker is the most intimidating person. There is nothing more intimidating. When he steps in that ring, it's just magical. He's literally a dead man walking.

Referees and umpires are more entertaining when they stand up for themselves

I like umps that stand up for themselves. I think that we've done umps a disservice recently... I like it when they stand up for themselves, when they have a thing like Country Joe West. It's kind of fun knowing that there's a guy out there who's absolutely not what people paid to watch that thinks that he's what people paid to watch.

Lying to your doctor is a universal human experience despite being dangerous

Doctors are the one profession that we should not lie to, but we lie to them the most. All the time... whenever you have to fill out a form, whenever anyone has to ask you, like, hey, give us the honest truth about your health. Yeah, I don't really want to do that.

There are many number one tight ends in the NFL, but Rob Gronkowski and Tony Gonzalez are the standard

Man, I think there's a lot of number one tight ends right now... I'm going to keep going now. It's working for me so far... [Who's the best?] Gronk and Tony [Gonzalez].

The AAF was like the cold pizza served at the end of a wedding when the party is already over

I think it was actually the cold pizza that they buy like 50 pizzas at the end of a wedding when the music stops and everyone's sweaty and drunk... That's what the AAF was. The party was over.

John Calipari's lifetime contract actually proves he was on the hot seat

This also, I think, proves that we were right all along by saying Cal's on the hot seat because you don't give a lifetime deal if a guy's not on a hot seat. You know what I mean? You just let it ride out because you're like, it's fine... To do this drastic deal for life, that feels like they're trying to get in front of the hot seat that probably was very, very hot.

Tom Izzo is overrated until he wins a second title

Tom Izzo himself is on board the Tom Izzo is overrated bandwagon. He said that he needs another title to validate his time there as a head coach. Okay, so I'm going to consider that a win for myself. And if he wins this year, then guess what? I'm taking him off my overrated list.

Upperclassmen leadership is the difference in the NCAA tournament

Sometimes you run across a Michigan State team that's as physical and have maybe a little more junior and senior leadership than we had. And that makes a huge difference in the tournament if you have some upperclassmen that give you some experience.

The one-and-done era has watered down both college and NBA basketball

And it's watered down the game a little bit. And then everyone leaving early for the NBA, I think, waters down the NBA a little bit. But it's hard to stop kids from pursuing their dream.