Takes

Dak Prescott will be the undoing of the Cowboys in the playoffs

Dak Prescott will be the undoing of the Cowboys and they'll still have to extend him... would you ever trust Dak Prescott on a big, maybe fourth quarter, has to drive the team down the field?

The NCAA needs to fix the chop block and officiating rules

We've made it almost impossible for the officials to officiate a game consistently... when there's variance during the course of a game or during week to week, it just really makes it hard to coach... the rules have gotten screwed up and there's no impetus to change things.

Fullbacks add a necessary toughness to a football team

Fullbacks just add toughness to a team, and I think it was a really good way to articulate the value of a fullback... It just adds to your team's physicality and their toughness, and the way we play, that's really important to us.

Cody Kessler was brought in to make Blake Bortles nervous, not to make the team better

I don't think [Kessler] was there to make Blake Bortles better. I think he was brought in to make Blake Bortles nervous. And that's not a recipe for having a good football team.

Adults should only want cash for Christmas

If you want to get your significant other something very nice for Christmas, it is C-A-S-H, cash. You become an adult and you realize cash is king... I want the cash so I can pay my bookie.

Aaron Rodgers is an extremely competitive guy who still carries a chip on his shoulder from being overlooked in college

Aaron is an extremely competitive guy, chip on his shoulder kind of guy. He's always played like that. I mean, he still carries the chip around the shoulder that, you know, he didn't get offered by Pete Carroll or he had to go to junior college.

Aaron Rodgers is more talented than Tom Brady

I think from a talent level, definitely Aaron. I mean, the guy's insanely talented, and he's got a photographic memory... [but] I'm going to say, just because of my personal relationship, Aaron Rodgers [is the GOAT].

I saw Jamarcus Russell throw a football 90 yards in street clothes

I witnessed it with my eyes. He was in street clothes. We were walking, leaving practice... He was in the indoor facility, picked up a ball and threw it 90 yards. I'd never seen anything like it.

Mike McCarthy intentionally calls bad 4th down plays to spite statisticians

He fucking hates those people that tell him that [to go for it on 4th down]. So he's like fine, you know what, I'll do it. All right, we'll see how it works. And then he kind of intentionally calls the worst part possible so it gets blown up so he can be like, see, I told you. It doesn't work.

Russell Wilson is the most terrifying quarterback to face when down in the 4th quarter

Russell Wilson now, to me, is the number one guy in the NFL... right now, week 12, if you were down in the fourth quarter and you had to hand the ball to one quarterback, I'd hand it to Russell Wilson.

Ohio State is a better football team than Oklahoma, but Oklahoma would win a head-to-head game.

Ohio State is a better football team than Oklahoma, but Oklahoma would beat Ohio State head-to-head... Ohio State actually plays defense. Oklahoma doesn't. But if Oklahoma played Ohio State, Oklahoma would absolutely shred them apart because Ohio State's one biggest weakness is the big plays.

Urban Meyer doesn't actually want to make the College Football Playoff because he's afraid of Nick Saban.

I actually think Urban Meyer doesn't want to go to the college football playoff. Because if you remember, Nick Saban basically forced him to have a heart attack. He made Tim Tebow cry. Nick Saban made God cry and gave Urban Meyer a heart attack. There's no way he wants to do that again.

No work gets done in corporate America between the day before Thanksgiving and January 3rd

I would go one step further than that and say the year's over. No work gets done in corporate America between the day before Thanksgiving and, you know, after New Year's... and January 3rd. Get those out-of-office replies ready.

Ayahuasca could help fix Markelle Fultz's mental block

That could actually probably help Markelle Fultz because it's all in his mind. [Ayahuasca] will clear you up... his brain is broken.

Jalen Ramsey could eventually play in the fourth-tier SPHL with six months of training

If he had six months of elite training as far as becoming a hockey player, I think that he could maybe make the ECHL... I'll bump that down even more. Maybe the SPHL, which is the fourth league. And at that point, you're making $250 a week... but mentally he wouldn't understand the game much.

The NBA off-court drama is more entertaining than the actual games

The NBA is like – I find the off-court stuff more entertaining than the actual product itself and that's why I think that it's it's such a [successful] league... because people are just obsessed with the drama. It's like an episode of WAGS but you don't even need the wives or girlfriends, you need the players.

NHL parity is what makes it superior to all other major sports

To me, the parity is what strengthens the NHL over all the other major sports... things are constantly shaken up because of those rules... in the NBA, it's just like, hey, who's going to play the Warriors?

Judge Judy is extremely rude and needs to mind her own business

I'm not a big Judge Judy fan. She's just very rude to people. Like, 'no, shut up.' I'm not down with that... [She] grabbed my friend's hat and took it off and said, 'you know, take your hat off in a restaurant' and walked away. I was fuming when he told me this. My blood was boiling... I would have given her the finger wave and I would have went back at her.

LeBron James is by far the best player I ever played with

Well, clearly [LeBron James] is the best by far. I think you give D-Wade the nod [for second] because he has three championships, but T-Mac to me was the hardest cover ever.

James Conner has replaced Le'Veon Bell's production, but Bell is still 100% better as a receiver

James Conner made Le'Veon Bell almost expendable. If you watch that game, there were so many times that James Conner just missed a pass or didn't make a play that Le'Veon Bell 100% would have made. And so it's funny that the stats, the running stats are there, but they forget how good Le'Veon Bell is as basically a wide receiver.

Millennials ruined the service industry because they prioritize social media gratification over hard work

There is a difference between the people that we hire today and the people we hired 15, 20 years ago... When you grow up with social media today, you can post a picture of yourself looking the worst you've ever looked and somebody's going to say, man, you look great today... So we grow up getting this instant gratification all the time... when millennials now go get jobs, the gratification isn't as quick as they're used to, so they leave and they don't stay very long.

I would immediately fire any server who posted a celebrity's bad tip on social media

[If a server took a picture of a celebrity's bad tip and posted it on social media], I would fire him. Absolutely. [As an owner] I would probably tip her... and I'm going to promote [the celebrity visit]. I'm going to try to turn it into something good... You can't determine who's good enough for you and who's not.

Alcohol-detecting 'sniffers' in cars are bullshit because they aren't 100% accurate

[Interconnect systems] are sniffers in cars... it sniffs your breath and it knows if you've drank. So if you get in the car and the sniffer sees alcohol in your breath, the car will not start... my point is it's only about 80% accurate. So 20% of the time, that car is not going to start, and it's not your fault. That's bullshit.

The phrase 'Don't Drink and Drive' is an extreme slogan that hurts the alcohol industry

There's a phrase in our industry that says don't drink and drive. That's a good phrase. No it isn't. Because you can have a glass of wine and drive. It doesn't mean don't drink and drive. The statement should be drink and drive responsibly... 'Don't drink and drive' is extreme and if people buy into that premise, it can destroy our industry.

Tom Herman's hand job scandal is actually a step in the right direction for his marriage

I'm not going to pretend to know what goes on behind the scenes between Tom Herman and his wife. My guess is knowing how Tom Herman acts just in general, he's probably kind of a dick all the time. And her finding out that he was getting alleged hand jobs is probably the most normal laid back thing that Tom Herman does. So she's like, this is actually a step in the right direction for a marriage.

Urban Meyer's sideline health issues are dramatic acting based on game flow

Urban Meyer... every single time Maryland scored, he looked like he was going to pass out. He was doing the most dramatic things on the sidelines, going to his knees and throwing his headset... And then Ohio State would come down the field and score, and he'd have his hands up, and he'd be like, I'm back, I'm good.

Mike McCarthy is basically just Jason Garrett without the clapping

Mike McCarthy is basically Jason Garrett. I think they're actually comparable coaches, except [McCarthy] can't do the clap thing because his short little hands won't reach around his body and just clap all the time.

Aaron Rodgers is passionless and nonchalant about his throws

Aaron Rodgers is an exceptional talent... But doesn't it feel like he is very nonchalant about a lot of his throws? He does the flick the wrist thing. And he can do it better than anyone, and it feels like he just is very nonchalant about a lot of his throws.

Doug Baldwin is a timeless, unbelievable player

Someone who doesn't get, I think, enough credit in the NFL... Doug Baldwin is like a timeless, unbelievable player... if you watched him play, you're like, 'yeah, that guy can always break a big play.'

The Patrick Mahomes ketchup-shaming in the media is a Chicago conspiracy

I think that this is something that's been planted... by you Chicago elitist types who hate ketchup, and you are dead set on finding something wrong with Pat Mahomes so that you can be like, actually, Mitch is better.

Pancaking a defender is better than catching a touchdown

If you can take a defensive end and bend him over backwards and put his back on the turf, that's one of the greatest feelings of all time.

Nick Saban definitely uses the internet and is lying about it

I think he does have all those things... I just feel like that's a guy who has the internet who's ashamed of having the internet... he always says rat poison... how does he find this stuff out if he doesn't have the internet?

Draymond Green definitely thinks the Warriors are his team

If I can get inside Draymond Green's head, I'm fairly confident Draymond thinks it's his team. He's the straw that serves the drink on this team.

If a podcast lasts seven years, it is Radio Hall of Fame worthy

If you do a podcast for more than seven [years]... the 95% of podcasts go for exactly one month and end. And then the other 5%, if you can get past seven years, then you're officially Radio Hall of Fame worthy.

Bridges are more beautiful than tunnels and I love looking at them

Bridges. They're beautiful. Are you kidding me? Dude, bridges are so beautiful. The architecture, come on. ... Bridges and stadiums. I'll look at bridges and empty stadiums all day.

I prefer being in tunnels over bridges because bridges make me nervous

I would much rather be in a tunnel than on a bridge. ... my hands clam up when I'm driving on a bridge sometimes. I love bridges [to look at], but [driving on them]... yeah.

If a foreign actor plays an American in more than three movies, they are officially American

If you are in more than three movies where you're in America in the movie, you're American. Like Idris Elba, that guy's American. He was in The Wire. When I found out he had an English accent, it blew my fucking mind... Christian Bale? American. 100%. Russell Crowe? American.

The holiday season officially starts right now (November 14th)

My cool throne is actually for everyone who wants to get drunk all the time, because I think we can officially say it's holiday season. Starting right now.

Kansas football is a joke and deserved the treatment I gave them

Kansas football [is] a joke. And then you kick the shit out of them, and then you obviously are like, yeah, you guys are a joke. They should get everything that they deserve in that respect... I think it was more about being the bigger man in that one and letting them just—like you described Kansas football—letting them do that. And letting them stay at that level.

I would love to run the Oklahoma offense in the NFL

Obviously the easiest answer would be, yeah, I'd love to run the offense at Oklahoma. That's because I had three years to do it, and I got so comfortable in it.

Recruits will overlook a coach's personal scandals if the program is high-level enough

I'd say most kids probably would go play for that coach [who frequents massage parlors] if it was a high enough program. Hey, 17-year-old jock kid that is being recruited, your coach is so famous for being a good head coach that he's getting handjobs all the time... I bet you don't want to play for him.

Louisville is no longer fun without Pitino and Petrino

I wish they didn't fire Pitino and Petrino, because now I feel like Louisville's just not going to be as fun anymore. They went from the horniest campus in America to now just a really boring campus.

Michigan is currently a better team than Notre Dame

I honestly think Michigan, even though it lost to Notre Dame to start the year, is better than Notre Dame. At least it's playing better... I think Michigan just overall, special teams, defense, and offense has been a better team than Notre Dame.

The only way to slow down Drew Brees and the Saints is with interior defensive pressure

Interior pressure. Drew Brees trying to find passing lanes with a center and a guard's ass in his face. That's how teams have beaten them in the past.

Offensive linemen secretly hated playing with Michael Vick because his scramble drills led to injuries

A story I've always wanted to write, guys that played with Michael Vick secretly hated it because he was running around so much that people ended up falling all around their legs because the plays were going on too long. And there were several careers that were cut short or ended... because they played too long with Michael Vick.

Jimmy Butler screwed over the Timberwolves by tanking his trade value

Jimmy Butler fucked over the Timberwolves. Make no mistake about it. He fucked them over. Doing what he did gave them zero leverage. I'm going to sit out when I want to sit out. I don't give a fuck. And the Timberwolves were like, okay, well, now we're screwed.

The 76ers signing Carmelo Anthony would signify the end of The Process

If you bring Carmelo Anthony on your team, the process is over... No, you're starting to undo the process. You're stretching the process too thin. You're taking the tent down.

Carmelo Anthony's late-career decline is ruining his legacy

What's going to end up happening is he's going to keep hanging on and keep doing this, and it's going to ruin his legacy because he actually was an unbelievable basketball player... Syracuse Melo and Nuggets Melo and being an unbelievable scorer, it's all going to be ruined.

The writer of the 'I Miss Northwestern Losing' article is dangerous to society

Pat Fitzgerald actually is an awesome coach. We have friends on that team... But their alumni, when they're writing shit like this, you're dangerous to society. If you are struggling this much with watching sports, they're not for you.

Duke could beat the Cleveland Cavaliers

Zion Williamson, R.J. Barrett, Alex O'Connell. It's the big three, and Paul Pierce told them they could beat the Cavs, and they could. Dukes, yeah.