Takes

Guinness is a soup

Guinness is a soup. It's soup. Guinness. And it is a soup. It's barley soup.

Watching Russell Wilson fail in prime time has become fascinating theater

That Russell Wilson clip that I somehow missed of him saying Bronco country, let's ride after the loss... Man I'm actually, I'm, I'm zagging on everyone being like, this sucks that we have to watch the Broncos and I kind of wanna watch Russell Wilson just continue to fail on prime time. It's fun. It's good theater at this point.

Babe Ruth would not even be a Double-A player in today's game

I saw a video, someone found a video of like 19-whatever the fuck he was born, he had a shitty swing. He looked slow and fat. If he was in today's day and age, he wouldn't even fucking be in AA. Who the fuck out of him put down field stands that I'm taking away his pinstripes. I'd probably strike him out.

The name change from Staples Center to Crypto.com Arena is disgusting

My system is the Los Angeles Lakers. Oh, they've destroyed their brand by changing their iconic name, the staple center to the crypto center. It's just a terrible idea. And I just think that staple center was such a great and original name. And the fact that they changed it to a corporation is disgusting.

The movie 'Cars 3' is better than the original 'Cars'

I'm starting to think cars three might be better than cars one. Cars two is trash. I've watched way too many cars.

The 2020 NBA City Edition uniforms are largely based on Reddit suggestions

NBA is the one league where I'm pretty sure someone in the league office is just scrolling through Reddit at all times and be like, look at this fucking uniform. This is cool. Let's build an entire uniform base off of this.

Hiring David Ross to manage the Cubs is a great idea

My stardom is David Ross. When would it ever be a bad idea to hire everyone's best friend to be the manager and boss? That's not going to be bad at all.

LeBron James only defended China to protect his Space Jam 2 ticket sales

LeBron is so transparent that he only wanted to say nice things about China because he wants to sell his stupid movie Space Jam 2. Space Jam 1 is better.

Ranking Steph Curry over Kobe Bryant all-time is crazy

Bleacher Report came out with their top 50 all-time NBA players and Kobe was 14, Steph Curry is 10... They're mad. They're real mad. They're big mad.

Kobe Bryant is not even a top five Laker anymore now that LeBron James is in Los Angeles

My sit-em is Kobe Bryant. He's not even a top five Laker anymore now that LeBron's there.

Jabari Parker was benched because he started the mutiny against the Bulls' practice

Jabari Parker, he has been benched because, and this is, I mean, I have no sources to back me up except my own brain, but he was clearly the guy who started the mutiny, right? Because he didn't want to practice. He doesn't want to play defense.

Duke could beat the Cleveland Cavaliers

Zion Williamson, R.J. Barrett, Alex O'Connell. It's the big three, and Paul Pierce told them they could beat the Cavs, and they could. Dukes, yeah.

Aladdin is the greatest Disney movie of all time

My sleeper is Aladdin, the greatest Disney movie of all time. Yeah, I said it. It's being made into a live-action movie star in Will Smith, The Fresh Prince, which means it's sure to fucking slap.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.