Takes

Paul Tagliabue is the smartest person in the world for making Roger Goodell his concussion scapegoat

Paul Tagliabue basically said, I've known about concussions forever, but I kind of don't want to be asked about this anymore. So here, Roger Goodell, you look stupid enough to take this job and have everyone come at you and hate you. And that's exactly what happened. So he's actually the smartest person in the world.

I actually thought the boos for Kevin Durant's return to Oklahoma City weren't loud enough

I actually thought the boos [for Kevin Durant's return to Oklahoma City] weren't loud enough. [Durant] said, 'I thought that they'd be louder.' Kind of a little twist in the knife there.

'Smooth' by Matchbox 20 and Santana deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award

Can we get a Lifetime Achievement Award for Matchbox 20 and Rob Thomas doing 'Smooth' with Carlos Santana? You never hear about Lifetime Achievement Awards for a song. But if there is one, it should absolutely go to 'Smooth'. That song took over a whole summer. Every single time that there's a national sporting event on TV, you can count on 'Smooth' to be one of the transition songs.

Brian Kelly knows he is on the hot seat at Notre Dame

Brian Kelly knows that he's on the hot seat. I mean, the people in the facility, the players and the coaches know that if they don't improve, things are going to change. So going into this year, Brian Kelly knows that he has to improve, and hopefully they can.

The NFL is still king and ratings aren't in real trouble despite the 2016 dip

I don't think the league's in trouble at all. I don't. I mean, it's still king. Even though when their ratings were down, any other sport would still take the ratings. And I think one of the things you look at is it was also an election year that hurts ratings. I think after the election was over, some of the ratings started to go back up.

The Houston Texans are definitely not better off without J.J. Watt

How could you be better without [J.J. Watt]? You know, no matter what people think about him off the field, on the field, he's a pretty darn good player. Now you put him with Mercilus and Clowney, it'll be interesting what happens. So to say the Texans would be better with him off the football field, I don't think is—that's just [the PMT] hot take.

I would beat Mike Greenberg in tennis if my life was on the line

If my life was depending on it, I would practice enough and do enough to beat him because I knew my life was on it. [Greeny] can't even play his one little nerd sport better than [me]. He's probably better than me at all, but in that given situation, not only would I try and beat him, the best way to do it would be try and somehow hurt him during the match so he couldn't finish.

Rajon Rondo passes up easy layups specifically to hunt for assists

You know what Rondo does that's so fucking annoying? Everything, but he also loves, loves, loves to pass up super easy layups just to get assists. He's the worst with that. He did that today when the Bulls got smoked by the Wolves. He was ready to go for a layup, and then he passed it for a three-pointer. Dude, just fucking shoot the layup. Stop trying to get assists.

Disrespecting Madison Square Garden should be a hate crime

If you disrespect the Garden, it should be a hate crime. There are certain places that, as an American, it's like Madison Square Garden, Lambeau Field, the gym where they filmed Hoosiers. If you disrespect those places, it's a hate crime.

Kevin Garnett is a fake tough guy

Kevin Garnett always struck me as a semi-fake tough guy. His routine was head-butting himself to get pumped up. That's a fake tough guy move. Like punching walls and stuff, that's a fake tough guy move.

Bill Laimbeer would absolutely beat up Kevin Garnett

You think Bill Laimbeer would beat up Kevin Garnett? Yes, absolutely. ... Kevin Garnett, though, isn't really human. So I don't know if he counts in this because he's an alien that was put on Earth to fire people up.

The 2016 New England Patriots are the toughest team of all time

Honestly, not to be too serious for a second, but I really do think I just played on the toughest team of all time. The guys in that locker room literally didn't flinch. I knew I was like I'm a human being, I'll admit it, I was like golly, I got some doubts right now... but guys were like walking in going we're about to make the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history.

Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time

I do think he's the greatest coach of all time. And, you know, any curve ball you get on Super Bowl Sunday, you might think it's, the hill's too steep, but, you know, guys were just conditioned to be able to go out there, hit the curve ball, keep rolling.

MLB's extra innings rule changes are a David Stern-style publicity stunt

David Stern used to do this all the time in the middle of the summer when the NBA wasn't getting any headlines. ... I think MLB is trying to do something. Super Bowl just ended. They're trying to get everyone back into baseball season, get some people talking about baseball. So let's just throw a stupid rule out there that's never going to work.

The United States would not exist if it weren't for autograph seekers like the Founding Fathers

I have a soft spot for autograph seekers. I want to tell them a little story about 56 men who were autograph seekers. ... They met in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and their names were John Hancock and a bunch of other guys. They were just being guys, and they were autograph seekers. They collected 56 of those suckers, and they sent them to the king. And without that, we would not have a country.

Mike Tirico replacing Bob Costas is a win for white media members

NBC announced that Bob Costas is handing over Olympic duty to Mike Tirico. And if you remember, Mike Tirico is a white guy, as he said. ... As a white guy, I'm happy that Bob Costas is passing off the Olympic coverage to another white guy. It's good to see the white guys keep their jobs in the media business.

The CFL is the perfect place for Johnny Manziel to start a comeback

Johnny Manziel is back. He has reportedly had a tryout with the CFL, which the CFL is exactly where Johnny Manziel needs to start his comeback.

The Green Bay Packers are idiots for charging their shareholders for new certificate artwork every year

The team I bought [a shareholder certificate] from, they keep producing new artwork every year and charging me more money every single year even though my shares don't actually mean anything. It's actually the Packers. Packers are doing that to their shareholders. They're fucking stupid idiots.

The Falcons choked the Super Bowl away to the Patriots

I think the Falcons choked it away pretty hard. I didn't realize how bad the choke was until I saw the Patriots should have lost in four different wins.

The Falcons lost the Super Bowl because Kyle Shanahan got 'too smart' and stopped running the ball

I don't know why they stopped running. Kyle Shanahan... Got a little too smart. You know what would have been funny is if they had just pulled his offer [to coach the 49ers]. Actually, you know what? The 49ers would probably kill half their homeless population just to get to a Super Bowl.

Phil Jackson is only at the Knicks because James Dolan is a sucker

I respect [Phil Jackson] for spotting the sucker in the room and basically saying, oh, James Dolan wants me to come and work for him, and I don't have to move, and I don't have to do anything, and he's going to pay me millions of dollars. What's the worst going to happen?

The Bruins firing Claude Julien during the Patriots parade is the greatest PR 101 move ever

The Boston Bruins who fired Claude Julien... The morning of the New England Patriots parade and held a press conference during the parade. That is the greatest PR 101 story of all time.

If a coach with personal issues wants to rehab their career, they should go work for Nick Saban

This is PR 101 in general for any coaches out there who might have a drinking problem... Lane Kiffin looking at you. If you want to be rehabbed, go to Nick Saban. Let Nick Saban scream in your face in front of the nation on Saturday afternoons on CBS... and you'll be back on track.

Mark Wahlberg used his sick kid as an excuse to leave the Super Bowl early

That is an unbelievable story, the fact that he got exposed for leaving early and then threw his kid out there. ... The blame aspect is really strong in that.

One of the only benefits of having children is being able to use them as an excuse to avoid events

That is like one of the only pluses to having children... is to basically be able to blame. I can't go to this because my kid is sick or I can't go to this. I got to put the kid down. It's like getting a dog. ... I got to walk my dog. I can't be over here.

Isaiah Thomas is in the 'Jimmy Butler zone' of being good, but not great

I think that Isaiah Thomas is firmly in my Jimmy Butler zone. ... Good, not great.

The movie 'Airplane!' is likely the source of most people's 'first boob' because of its PG rating

I think that Airplane! has got to be up there because it's comedy. It's a PG, and you get people like our age that liked it when we were kids. They let their kids see it, and they forget that there's a boob in it. But there's two boobs, the same woman.

Super Bowl 51 is the best Super Bowl of all time

Number one, right off the bat, is this the best Super Bowl of all time? ... [Big Cat] well, people forget there's never been an overtime. [PFT Commenter] That's a good point.

The Falcons lost Super Bowl 51 more than the Patriots won it

Maybe the biggest thing that we're going to talk about is, did the Patriots win this game or did the Falcons lose it? Ooh, I think they lost it. I think the Falcons lost it.

Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time

That's why he's the greatest quarterback of all time. No, we can say he is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Kyle Shanahan was too focused on his new head coaching job with the 49ers during the Super Bowl

Kyle Shanahan, was he too focused on his new job? Absolutely. Yes. His mind was on West Coast time. No doubt.

Roger Goodell is back after taking his medicine from Patriots fans

The boos that were rained down on Roger Goodell... He stood up there. He overdosed on his medicine. I think he's back. I think it's now fair's fair.

David Stern was a worse commissioner than Roger Goodell

Which commissioner do you think has done a worse job, Roger Goodell or David Stern when he got into that beef with you? Yeah, that's going to be a tough call... David Stern. Yeah, Stern was not happy with me that day. He was not happy with me asking him something that I've probably asked him 20 times before. [The frozen envelope].

Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James because he has the clutch gene

LeBron is a fraud. He's a hot fraud. Michael Jordan's all that. He's an all that guy. Get your 32, 11, 6, bank it. More importantly, clutch gene.

Lady Gaga's Super Bowl halftime performance was stellar

Lady Gaga's halftime performance, which was stellar, by the way. Anyone who hated that, get out of my face. Stop listening to this show.

Terrell Owens not being in the Hall of Fame is the biggest joke of all time

But seriously, T.O. not being in the Hall of Fame is probably the biggest joke of all time. What is he, second most in reception yards?

Mark Wahlberg leaving the Super Bowl early was a bad move

Marky Mark, Miami Heat fan slash New England Patriot fan. Left in, what, like 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter? Yeah, he left really early... how about you respect your favorite player, I assume, Tom Brady, and his ability to come back in a game. That's a bad look... that was a fucked up move for you to leave.

The Falcons take some luster off the Super Bowl because they haven't won anything yet

It feels, maybe it's the Falcons, and the Falcons forever will be kind of a fake team, and I don't mean that, no offense to Falcons fans, but that's just, they have to win something, right? No, but they have to win something to be, that's just how it works, right? So the Falcons definitely take a little luster off the Super Bowl.

New England's musical culture is better than Atlanta's in a landslide

If you stack [Boston and Atlanta] up side by side, it's not even close in terms of musical culture. In Boston, you've got Stained. You've got New Kids on the Block. You've got LFO... In Atlanta, you've got Travis Tritt, and that's it... New England in a landslide.

The Patriots' roster strategy is just signing every productive white receiver in the league

They found the team aspect defensively... they reload at receiver, man. They get [Chris] Hogan, freaking lacrosse player. They got Edelman. If Edelman is going to go down, they'll probably go get that [Cole] Beasley kid from Dallas... You're just picking out white guys... That's what the national press thinks they like to do.

The Super Bowl is played at a speed so fast it's hard to even remember individual plays

It is so fast that I could probably tell you in 14 years, I could tell you every game that I played in from a rookie to a third-year player... and I can barely recall plays from the Super Bowl. It's that fast. It's wait, wait, wait. ... and then all of a sudden, you're on the field, and it's like the final drive.

Tom Brady is a 'medical science miracle'

And Tom Brady's playing. He's 39. 39, right? And he's getting better. A medical science miracle.

Butch Jones' 'five-star hearts' recruiting philosophy is a spin for missing out on actual talent

Butch Jones, Tennessee, they're back... Butch Jones said this after maybe a less than stellar recruiting class: 'We want five-star hearts and five-star competitors.' So he's not looking for five-star recruits. He's looking for five-star hearts.

NFL security is on the hot seat for letting PFT Commenter sneak into Media Night

Hot seat is is NFL security. The I mean, the all of the bands, the pronouncements that NFL makes and and PFT just waltzes right right in.

Michael Vick's legacy is secure as one of the best quarterbacks ever

I'm just going to throw it out there. I think Michael Vick's legacy is secure. He's one of the best quarterbacks ever.

NFL TV ratings are still good but need to be adjusted for cord cutters and mobile viewers

Ratings have to be adjusted. You can't go straightly off the TV ratings, which are still good enough. because now you have to try to incorporate what's on your iPhone and all that, and they don't blend right now. Once they blend, they'll find out there's probably more football fans, but it's different football fans.

Kirk Cousins is comparable to Andy Dalton and Alex Smith as a quarterback

I think you'd have to have a good running game. I mean, you kind of look at Kurt as kind of, well, I mean, He and Andy Dalton, I think, are very similar. And you put him probably in the same vein as Alex Smith.

Shaka Smart having an assistant hold a paint can to remind players to stay in the paint is a good move

You know, we make fun of a lot of things and we kind of have a good time on this podcast, but I actually buy this move. Full on. That is like a literal, you know, get into the paint while a guy's flashing a can of paint in your face. You remember to get in the paint.

Alex Smith should start a business holding penises in photos so his small hands make them look larger

Alex Smith should start a business where he is like a contractor for guys taking dick pics. He's like, 'I'll hold your dick in the picture' [so it looks bigger because of his small hands].

Andy Reid is a better coach in Orlando than in Hawaii because he isn't drinking Mai Tais on the beach

Andy Reid [is back, he] won the Pro Bowl. It turns out Andy coaches a lot better in Orlando than he does in Hawaii when he's on a beach drinking Mai Tais for nine hours before the game.