Takes

The 49ers are officially back

Niners are officially back. Also George Kittle is a hundred percent back because I don't know how he got that open, but he he deserves a couple easy ones... Niners are officially back a hundred percent back.

I am still buying the Eagles to win the NFC East

I have actually two takeaways from this game. And the first one is I'm still buying the Eagles. Yeah, so I think that there are they could have beaten the Ravens today... the NFC East is terrible Dak Prescott got hurt and the next four games for the Eagles are giants Cowboys Giants Browns. Mmm. I think they're going to go at least three in one and we're going to be sitting here being like watch out for the Eagles.

There is a zero percent chance the Patriots miss the playoffs

What do you think that the chances are that the Patriots miss the playoffs entirely is here? Zero. Zero percent chance here.

The Bears will be underdogs every week and I will keep betting on them

The Bears are 5-1. I don't give a fuck how they're winning. They're going to be underdogs every single game. I'm going to keep betting on them... the defense is back... I know that deep down the Bears are destined for a 10 and 6 11 and 5 record and then to lose in a heartbreaking way in the first round and everyone to shit down my throat.

Trevor Lawrence will pull an Eli Manning and refuse to play for the Jets

I feel like Trevor Lawrence is going to pull a Elway in an Eli. Mmm-hmm and say I'm not doing that... It's something wrong with the organization. You can't have it. It's not too many. That's too many consecutive quarterbacks in the in a system that's bad. That's just bad... Ain't No Way in the world he's going to pull it. He like.

The winner of the Bears vs. Panthers game will make the playoffs

Whoever wins this game, I would say will be in the playoffs. ... if the Bears win this game, they go to 5 and 1. ... It's got to be like 92% of teams that start 5-1 make the playoffs.

The Rams -3 line against the 49ers is a 'rat line' and the 49ers will cover

This is my stinky stinky game of the week because the line makes no sense. ... I saw Rams -3 and I was like, 'Oh my god, that's the easiest [bet] of all time.' ... It's a rat line. ... I'm going to take the 49ers.

It is not sustainable for the Jets to keep Adam Gase through their bye week

The next four opponents... Bills, Patriots, Chiefs... it feels like it's moving in the direction where it's not sustainable for the Jets to continue with Adam Gase, even if ownership really wants to... I think it's moving in the direction where it's not sustainable.

If Drew Brees gets injured, Taysom Hill would be the Saints' starting quarterback over Jameis Winston

If he gets injured, my gut feeling is it would be Taysom Hill over Jameis Winston who would play. ... I've got the impression this year if Brees would get hurt, it would be Taysom Hill playing quarterback.

Kyle Shanahan will look for a new quarterback like Kirk Cousins to replace Jimmy Garoppolo after the season

I think the bigger question here is after the season. What do they do? ... I think that Kyle Shanahan is going to look for somebody else after the season. ... it wouldn't surprise me at all if the Vikings decide, 'You know what, we've had enough with this guy' and Shanahan embraces [Kirk] Cousins.

I will tattoo Drew Brees' career touchdown total on my arm if the Saints make the Super Bowl

If The New Orleans Saints get to the Super Bowl. I will tattoo the final number of Drew Brees touchdowns for his career somewhere in my arm.

Le'Veon Bell will sign with the Patriots

In which case I think we can all agree. He's probably going to go to the Patriots because that's what always happens.

I am developing an app to crowdsource the 'vibe' and gender ratio of bars in real-time

I have developed an idea for a Marketplace that will get information from producers to consumers in The Nightlife and entertainment industry. It would crowdsource information real time from people on the street going to a bar or a restaurant... You basically just get demographics to go where you want... how many dudes are at the bar right now?

The Seahawks defense is so bad that they cannot go deep in the playoffs

Russell Wilson is incredible and maybe when Jamal Adams is out there the Seahawks will look better. But from what I saw. I saw from the Seahawks and watching them. You know, I think we've watched every single one of their games and that defense doesn't get fixed. They can't they can't win a plate like they can't go deep in the playoffs.

The Eagles are going to win the NFC East

If you're an Eagles fan sitting here on Sunday night after week 5, you're you're winning this division. I really do think you're sitting there saying we're in a good spot.

The Dolphins might make the playoffs with Ryan Fitzpatrick

Imagine if the Dolphins make the playoffs that's just the dolphins with Fitzpatrick make the playoffs. We could only be so lucky... I could see nine and seven might not get them in the AFC so tough.

I like Nick Foles and think the Bears will have a great effort against the Buccaneers

I like Nick Foles in this. There's not a lot to like, it's Tom Brady and Nick Foles. I've seen this movie before... I feel like the Bears are going to have a great effort tonight.

Something weird will happen with the kickers in the Bears vs. Buccaneers game

Something weird is going to happen tonight. It's gonna be weird kicker night... I'm thinking Cairo Santos might do something good. I'm thinking... suck up [Ryan Succop] is going to do something weird. Whether it's missing three field goals, maybe missing an extra point.

Tom Brady will make a mental blunder that costs the Buccaneers the game

It's going to come down to whether Brady's been aging, whether we see Brady's age physically and kind of mentally... maybe he gets slower as you age... so to recap Billy, you think the Tom Brady is going to make a mental blunder that's going to cost them the game.

I love the Panthers to beat the Falcons

Panthers-Falcons, start there. Falcons, this could be the end for Dan Quinn. I have said many times I'm going to respect Teddy Bridgewater more and that's why I love the Panthers in this game.

The Eagles will win the NFC East with a losing record like 3-5-1

The Eagles win the NFC East at like 3-5-1. The Eagles, they should have stopped playing right now. Yes, 1-2-1 is good enough to get you top of the NFC East this season.

The Heat will win the NBA Finals in seven games

They did not [win Game 4]. However, they're going to win the series in seven games.

Clayton Kershaw will have an epic meltdown in the playoffs

Are you telling me that you're not going to root for an epic Clayton Kershaw meltdown in the playoffs?

Dan Quinn will win enough games to save his job and finish 8-8

I think Dan Quinn might rattle off enough wins to get to 8 and 8 and keep this goddamn job... the next five games that you just mentioned right there, they seem all winnable.

Matthew Stafford will eventually go to a different team and win a playoff game

The my prediction for the Lions. So they're going to fire Matt Patricia. I think Matt Stafford is going to go somewhere else. And win a playoff game when one playoff game.

Washington will be in the playoff hunt all season because the NFC East is so terrible

I still think they're gonna be in the hunt though. They're in the NFC East is so bad that you guys going to be in the hunt. No matter what your record is.

The Lakers will win the NBA Finals in five games

I still think the heat will or the Lakers will probably win in five, but it was good the Jimmy Butler reminded everyone like it's not a fluke that they're here.

The Lakers will win the NBA Finals in 5 games

Shoot, Lakers in five, Friday night. You know what, let's do it.

The Bears will beat the Colts

Colts-Bears, Nick Foles baby... I don't know why the Bears are underdogs, but we're doing this... I think that the Bears are gonna win this game.

The Dolphins will upset the Seahawks in a low-scoring game

I think something funny is going to happen here... I think that the Dolphins could do this, they could win and like a 19 to 14 game.

I am betting a front-runner parlay on the Yankees and Lakers to both win titles this month

I might put a front-runner parlay down and go Yankees, Lakers, the Cowboys, Alabama football, and Duke basketball this year. We're going chalk.

Odell Beckham Jr. will be criticized for video game streaming as soon as he misses a route

Odell, he started a video game stream. He isn't in the hot seat yet, but as soon as he does anything, you know, mess up on the field, everyone is going to be like: 'you should have been in your playbook and not playing video games.'

The Cowboys are the best 1-2 team in the NFL and will soon be 5-2

I'm ready to declare by the way the Dallas Cowboys are the best one and two team in the NFL. Yeah, they're actually gonna I'm actually scared because I want to like laugh at them... choose what you say wisely because it could come back to bite you. Mmm. It could come back to bite you they have the Browns in the Giants the card the Browns Giants Cardinals and Washington football team and eagle. They're going to the Cowboys are going to Blind. You're going to Blink in the Cowboys are going to be 5 and 2.

Trey Lance will be a first-round NFL draft pick

Trey Lance is going to be a first rounder probably... This mock draft I'm reading right now has Trey Lance late in the first round to the [Saints].

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year

If the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year, I will cut off from the nail up tip of my pinky left hand. It's on.

Mike Leach will have the most talented roster of his career at Mississippi State

This is still a better roster than from a talent standpoint than Mike Leach has ever had either at Texas Tech or at Washington State... smart quarterback [Costello] can come in and learn the Air Raid. I do think they're going to come along pretty fast.

Blake Bortles will take the starting job from Jeff Driskel in Denver

Let me be perfectly clear Blake Bortles is getting the starting job. I don't think that there's any question about that.

We will see a 70-yard field goal in the NFL this season

I think we're gonna see a 70 yard field goal. I wouldn't be surprised if is this year... Whoo. Okay, I like that... the way Butker hit that 58 that that had another 10 on it.

The Vikings are officially 'done-chained' and won't win the Super Bowl

The Vikings suck. I would like to say I'm going to done-chain the Vikings again after week two. They are totally done. Vikings are done... If the Vikings win the Super Bowl, I'll get Creed lyrics tattooed on my body.

Josh Allen is a legitimate MVP candidate

Josh Allen for MVP. It is people talking about honestly, I'll accept an apology from anyone at this point... he's fucking fun.

LeBron James is definitely winning the NBA title this year

LeBron's gonna win [the] title... I ran some simulations and they're all kind of coming out the same way.

The Bears will beat the Giants by 10 points in Week 2

I'll say it for you. I think the Bears win this game by 10 points. I'm very nervous for this game. But I'm nervous for every Bears game.

The Jets are the 'disgusting' underdog pick of the week against the 49ers

I kind of like the Jets here... Once having the same thought and everyone's betting the 49ers... this is going to be my dog of the week. It's the hold your nose. This is disgusting. You're going to hate yourself at like 1:35 on Sunday when it's 17 to three 49ers, but you're not dead yet.

Tom Brady will have a massive 'get right' game against the Panthers

I think Tom Brady's going to eat this week and everyone's like, oh my God Tom Brady's back. Yeah Bruce Arians did the classic Bruce Arians thing where he just spent the entire week making fun of Tom Brady.

Ryan Tannehill is a fantasy lock for 250 yards and 4 touchdowns

My starting this week is Ryan Tannehill. If one thinks the Titans are running team, he's putting up forties and 250 yards minimum this weekend minimum, bro.

The Lakers will gentleman sweep the Nuggets in the Western Conference Finals

I'll say right now Lakers... it's a gentleman sweep. I'm calling it a sweep four games to one. They're gonna gentleman sweep their way. I think the Lakers like I think they're going to win the series. I just don't I'm not going to say there. It's going to be sweep or five games. Yeah.

The Celtics will win three of the next four games against the Heat

I mean I feel like we should have won that game easily. We're gonna fight back and when like three of the next four, yeah, that's for me to feel good.

The Big Ten will officially announce its return tomorrow

I do think the big Ten's going to be back. I think they're gonna announce it tomorrow. There's a there's a mini power play inside the power play that Nebraska was feels like Are the team that spearheaded this

Aaron Rodgers will shave his beard into an ironic waxed mustache by Week 10

I have a prediction to make about Aaron Rodgers facial hair this year. So he's growing out the big hipster beard... at least by week 10 or 11, he's going to shave it into an ironic mustache. I even think he might do the curly cues. Yeah the cowboy he's gonna do the waxing thing at the end.

The Green Bay Packers will make the 2020 NFL playoffs

Packers are going to make the playoffs there. I gave you mine.