Takes

Jersey Shore is the most iconic reality TV show ever

If the debate is Jersey Shore versus Vanderpump Rules... Jersey Shore was like guys and girls liked Jersey Shore parties. There is no Vanderpump without Jersey Shore.

The Masters is the ultimate 'dad weekend' of all time

The Masters is the most dad weekend of all time.

Brian Harman is the Ben Simmons of golf

He's right-handed, but he plays left-handed. Love it. He's the Ben Simmons of golf.

I am a fan of Brian Harman because of how much he pissed off the entire country of England

I had no thoughts about Brian Harman. I ended up the tournament being like, I hate watching this guy because of the waggle. But the fact that he pissed off England so much made me a Brian Harman fan. It felt personal. It felt like a US versus England situation. I want him to be boring and short, all these things right in your fucking face.

Rory McIlroy's focus on the FedEx Cup is 'loser talk'

[Rory] said, I don't think that way. I think about trying to go and win a fourth FedEx here in a couple weeks. Go try and win a fifth race to Dubai. Go and win a fifth rider cup. I just keep looking forward that my friends is loser talk. FedEx Cup means nothing.

Every golf course should have pot bunkers

I like the open just because the course, like every course should have the bunkers that that England has because when you hit in a bunker, it should be punitive. You should be fucked. You should be totally fucked. Yeah. And that's what happens in these I want pop bunkers in every golf course. Like that's it, it it, everything is harder. And I like that.

Naming a company 'MegaCorp' guarantees you will eventually try to destroy the Earth

If you name your company MegaCorp, at some point in the history of your company, you will try to destroy the earth.

The NFL franchise tag should be abolished entirely

There really shouldn't be a franchise tag in general. And I started to think about the franchise tag because it's something that's become so just natural to talk about and part of the game... But from a logical standpoint, there's really no reason why the franchise tag should even be a thing at all.

The NFL franchise tag should be a flat $50 million and not count against the cap

It's either there should be no franchise tag or they should make the franchise tag not punitive to the cap, but it ha you have to pay the person 50 million for any position... It's essentially like, we can't figure out a deal. We want you so bad. Here's so much money that you won't be upset about it.

Shame is the most powerful motivator

We should just shame quarterbacks into doing a GoFundMe for the running backs. Yeah. That's what shame is. The most powerful motivator.

MLS team names like Inter Miami and Real Salt Lake are stupid

I fucking hate MLS team names. Yeah. Inter Miami... I love the entire aesthetic of Inter Miami... but it's just the team names are stupid when it's like inter Miami Ray Salt Lake. FC Sporting kc. Yeah. Gimme a fucking break.

Lionel Messi is the greatest walker of all time

[Lionel Messi] is elite at walking. He's the greatest walker of all time. They did a whole study about it and he spends the first five minutes just walking around, basically figuring out the weaknesses, weak points in the defense. A lot of times he'll be walking while everyone else is running and his gravity, the way that the defense has to move around to him just walking, changes the whole scope of the game.

NFL teams should not be allowed to wear throwback uniforms from a city they moved away from

The Houston Oilers are back. The Tennessee Titans unveiled their throwback uniforms... if you move your team to a different city, you can take those colors. I get that. But you can never actually put on the Houston Oilers... uniform... You're neither Houston nor Oilers. And they're iconic. They're great... It sucks. It sucks.

Modern bunk bed technology with built-in staircases is incredible

My son has a bunk bed and I did not realize bunk bed technology has gotten insane. He has bunk beds with like a legit staircase on the side of it. I got jealous of something that my four-year-old has that I bought with my own money. It used to be a ladder where you were basically going to get hurt. Now they just fucking rock. There's bunk beds with slides, legitimate slides. I want one.

Silence is the most powerful tool a broadcaster has

I think so there have been times in my career, and that's 20 plus years ago, there are times in my career where you realize silence is the most powerful tool you have to let the natural sounds come over at television, which, you know, I think I've been pretty respectful of over the years.

The Home Run Derby would be a better product if it were slowed down to allow viewers to follow the ball

I feel like the rapid fire... it's hard to piece together how many home runs the guys actually got because they're flying over and one hits the wall and you don't know which ball that hit the wall is connected to which swing. I think slowing it down... so you can actually follow the ball and know how many home runs the guy hit, that seems like a better use.

Patrick Mahomes is the nicest superstar athlete I have ever met

Patrick [Mahomes], who might be the nicest superstar athlete of anybody I've ever met, might handle [criticism] okay. I think some guys might get a little ticked off or perturbed, but not him.

Blue raspberry is the best flavor of everything

[Blue raspberry] is like the best flavor of every cake. It is. Exactly. Everyone wants the blue raspberry. Like Jolly Rancher.

Bluetooth is one of the greatest inventions of the modern era

Everyone in this room uses Bluetooth every single day. Probably one of the greatest inventions in the modern era.

Any side dish works with any main course

I don't believe in in Correct the idea that one type of meal, like if you order a steak, then mashed potatoes is the side to that. But if you order pasta, guess what? Mashed potatoes is a great side for pasta too... All sides. If you like a side it works with any main course that you also like.

Ordering delivery from two different places for the same meal makes you a 'fat ass'

I would order from both places for dinner. Yeah. And just do 'em... it would be like three entrees and an appetizer from two different places. Oh. For myself... I am a fat ass and you are a fat ass if you ordered delivery dinner from two different places at the same time.

A $60 million fine will not teach Dan Snyder or other NFL owners a lesson

[Dan Snyder] is paying a 60 million fine on his way out the door... which hilariously reduces the value of the team to 5.9 billion. So that'll teach him a lesson. He only made 5.1 billion profit off this sale. So owners will think twice before fooling around with the books.

If I owned an NFL team, I would absolutely override my scouts to draft players based on 'vibes'

If I were, if I owned a team, I'd be like, you know, they'd have a draft board. I'd be like, no, that guy lost me money in a College Bowl game. That guy like, yeah, he's pretty sick. And I would definitely put my foot down and be like, I want that guy... understand I watched him once and it was awesome.

Jim Irsay is a hero for being the NFL owner who finally catalyzed the removal of Dan Snyder

Major shout out to Jim Irsay because who would've ever thought that Jim Irsay would've been the one that got this ball rolling when he sat in the golf cart smoking a cigarette outside the owner's meeting saying, 'I think the time has come to do something about Dan Snyder.' ... He's a hero. Thank you sir.

The Colts' new 'Indiana Nights' uniforms are the ugliest in the NFL

The Colts' new uniforms today... it's hard to fuck up a uniform release. The Colts did it. They are the ugliest uniforms. I mean, good try guys, but they look like cops.

I love golf courses that make pro golfers look as unathletic as regular people

I just love a course that makes everyone look at moments like they're us out there. Wyndham Clark had one of the most unathletic swings I've ever seen in my life... I bravo. Good job [Royal Liverpool].

The fix for bad golf coverage is simply showing every single shot live

The way to fix golf coverage, it's pretty easy. You just show every fucking shot... And it live. And then have like a sponsor have like a Rolex logo in the bottom right hand corner. Yeah. Boom.

Offensive line culture requires 'weird fat guy' behavior to build a good team

Offensive linemen just have a different culture... you need weird fat guy shit to make your team good.

Justin Fields predicting he will throw for 4,000 yards in 2023 will only lead to more Bears fan misery

Justin Fields said he's gonna throw over 4,000 yards this year. And then it just triggered the reaction online being like, 'Oh my God, the Bears have never had a 4,000 yard passer.' And also if he doesn't throw over 4,000 yards this year, then it's gonna be like, oh, they still don't. So that sucked.

Staying in an ADA-compliant apartment as an able-bodied person is selfish

I'm just uncomfortable staying here [in an ADA-compliant apartment] where someone else who might need it more [could live]... I view it in the perspective like PFT said, I'm taking the space right now of someone who needs it more.

Running backs should not be eligible for the NFL Draft and should be free agents immediately

Running Backs should not be eligible to be drafted. Make them, let them be free agents. Because it is just a matter of fact that running Backs, they wear down faster. That's just the nature of the position. Why don't we let running Backs just be free agents right away?

The NFL should remove the franchise tag for the running back position

It would probably be a little bit easier if there was just no franchise tag for running back. You can use it on anybody else... but if there's a running back, you can't tag 'em. So they play their first contract, then there will be an actual bidding war for their services.

I am officially coming out of the closet as a Kirk Cousins fan

I'm coming out of the closet as a Kirk Cousins fan. I've buried it so deep that I overcompensated for loving Kirk Cousins by hating him so much these last few years. I love Kirk Cousins as a person. One of the greatest dudes, hard not to root for.

The Saudis do not care about golf and are only using it to sports wash their image

Do you know how many golf courses Saudi Arabia has? They got nine. They don't care about golf. They're trying to sports wash their image.

Russell Wilson is spent as an elite quarterback

I kind of think Russell [Wilson] is spent. And also could you not take yourself so seriously? ... Russell's not, I don't know what he thinks he's gonna be ambassador to Sweden or something. He's gonna be the governor of Colorado. I don't know what he thinks, but he's not being a regular guy.

LeBron James' non-retirement announcement was a calculated move to dominate a slow news cycle

I think [LeBron James] planned this out just because he was like, 'You know what? I wanna make a splash at the ESPYs this year. How can I do that? Okay, I'll tease it. I'm gonna retire after getting swept by the Denver Nuggets. And then, in early July when nobody's paying attention to sports, I'm gonna dominate the news cycle.'

DeAndre Hopkins chose money over winning by signing with the Titans

Way to take the air out of it. If [DeAndre Hopkins] had been added to a Chiefs and Eagles—one of these Niners—one of these teams that's competing for Super Bowl... he's going the Titans. Everyone's like, 'Okay, cool.' I guess it's good for the Titans, but I feel like the Titans are in a weird transition period right now... Money is always, I don't know what everyone else was offering him, but it's nice to say 'I want to go compete for a ring,' but if the Titans offered him 12 and everyone else was offering him five, 7 million is probably nice too.

DeAndre Hopkins picking the Titans is a direct 'ricochet shot' at the Patriots and Mac Jones

This is an ultimate ricochet shot at the entire Patriots organization too. When those are his three criteria and he's like, 'I wanna play for a good quarterback,' and he picks Ryan Tannehill over Mac Jones.

Alcaraz's majors are 'Mickey Mouse majors' compared to Djokovic's era, but I am still an Alcaraz fan

[Djokovic] had to go against Roger [Federer] and Rafa [Nadal] and won all those. So Alcaraz is going to win Mickey Mouse majors. That's fine... I'm an Alcaraz fan now. Not as big of a Djokovic, but I'm an Alcaraz fan as well.

Aaron Rodgers is immune to the New York media circus

Aaron Rodgers is immune to the media circus. He's got natural immunity to the New York media.

Zach Wilson is still the future of the Jets

I still think that [Zach Wilson] has the physical capabilities to be, you know, an amazing Mahomes quarterback. The man can make any throw on the field. I mean, his head, you know, he's young. He's confused... but the man can make some amazing throws and I hope Aaron Rodgers gets his head right.

The Super Bowl holding call on James Bradberry was a 'tick-tack' call that ruined the game's ending

I still don't think it was a great call... It just seemed so ticky-tack in the moment and it changed the way that game was viewed from a historical context. There's no question. I don't care who wins the game. I want to see what was a historically great Super Bowl have a historically great ending.

If Mario Cristobal can't turn Miami football around, it can't be done

I said this from the time he got the job. If [Mario Cristobal] can't turn Miami back into what we all remember Miami, it just can't be done. It just can't be done.

Travis Kelce will be the GOAT tight end with one or two more productive seasons

I've said on record, if [Travis] Kelce has another even year or two like the last seven, in my mind he goes down as the best ever. I never in a million years would've thought anyone would ever catch [Tony] Gonzalez... I think Kelce's a year or two away from doing it.

The 'Open Championship' should be referred to as the 'British Open'

Fuck the Open Championship. The British Open.

The AWLs' dominance of the podcast industry might actually be a bad thing

Are the [AWLs] bad for podcast listeners? It might be. So there are 28, I believe, Awards we're giving out tonight.

It is fair to laugh at the President when they fall because walking is a basic human skill

Walking is one of the first things we learned to do. Someone's like, would you make fun of your grandmother if she fell? I was like, well my grandmother's dead and she's not the president. You kind of sign up to get made fun of by becoming president when you fall.

Chiefs Aholic is the last outlaw of the West

Chiefs Aholic is really the last outlaw of the West. Roaming from Kansas City to Oklahoma, even to Arizona for the Super Bowl on leave. He did not report to court. And he's probably down in Mexico like many outlaws before him. You know, embodying the spirit of those like Josie Wales, Wild Bill Hickok.

Pardon My Take and Barstool will reach a new level of success in Chicago

I really think that you guys are gonna take Pardon My Take and Barstool Sports as a whole to the next level in Chicago. I think you guys are really gonna do some amazing stuff out there and create some awesome content.

I blew the lead at the Masters because Blakes don't win anything

I decided to blow the lead at the Masters because Blakes don't win anything. Right? Yep. So I figured that that was my way in, unfortunately, a couple weeks before I won [the PGA], but yeah, I figured that was... Blakes haven't won anything.