Takes

Josh Rosen should be eligible for Rookie of the Year in 2019

Josh Rosen or maybe Kyler Murray throwing a rookie connection. Yes, Rosen is absolutely, he should be eligible for Rookie of the Year next year.

You cannot actively tank in the NFL because players won't buy in

I actually think the NFL, you can't really actively tank. You can't say before the season we are trying to lose because it's such a hard league to stay in for the players. And if the players know that, it's all going to fall apart very quickly.

Basketball players just need to play basketball, regardless of injury risk

This is basketball. It's not football. It's not any of these other sports. Like, basketball players need to play basketball... LeBron, that's what all these players, even Blake Griffin said it himself. You have to play to play. It sounds dumb saying it out loud. You've got to play.

Michigan's student section is the toughest and most ruthless in the Big Ten

Probably Michigan State. They're kind on top of you at the court. Or Michigan. Michigan, the fans are – I don't know what it is about their student section, but they're, like, ruthless. Like, they'll talk about my mom. They'll talk about acne. They'll talk about whatever it is, just to try and get into my skin.

Raphael is the best and only cool Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

I'm a Raphael. Raphael was the bad boy who April had a crush on... Raphael was the one who would always get them in trouble because he was such a badass. Raphael was the one, he was like the guy who kind of, the straw that stirred the drink.

The Giants are tanking a year too late

They're tanking a year too late from what they... Like, last year they should have, like you said, not given... they trotted out Eli Manning's corpse. You then didn't lose enough to be the number one pick this year and get Kyler Murray, so then you had to trade Odell Beckham to then get the picks so that you could then trade up for the number one pick that you could have had if you had just done what everyone said, just lose.

Rich people are the last people who need college degrees

I think the worst part about this, and it reinforces something that I think a lot of people already know, is that if you're rich, you are the last person who needs a college degree. It's somebody who's very poor that would find value in having the degree.

No joke is truly offensive because the intent of a joke makes it benign

There's a big kind of intellectual theory around this about benign violation and the idea that no joke is offensive because it's a joke. Because as soon as you put it in that space where you go, okay, it's cancer... But as soon as you make a joke about it, you put it into a space where you go, it's benign. It's actually, it's okay, and it's got no power over us.

Individualism is a relatively new and terrifying concept for human beings

We've never been more connected... And the reason podcasts, I think, are so huge is because people are desperate for conversation... We're built to live in tribes... The idea of individualism is comparatively new and terrifying. It just doesn't work for human beings. We feel incredibly alienated.

NFL RedZone has 'ruined' the traditional way of watching football

No, Red Zone actually made it better. It's unbelievable, but it's ruined football. No, I agree with you. Have you ever tried to watch a football game having seen Red Zone? Yeah, it's tough. You should go, wow, this is boring... your brain has just become this like... Touchdown, touchdown, touchdown. Every single play has got to be a big play.

Antonio Brown is the hero to the working man

[Antonio Brown] is the hero to the working man... he basically signed a contract two years ago, got a bunch of guaranteed money, when the guaranteed money ran out he's like 'I want a new deal' and then he got it.

Adnan Syed is definitely guilty

The one you're talking about [Serial] came out five years ago about Adnan Syed. Who I think is really, really guilty. But for some reason, they just... I don't know. He just seems like it was a show about a guy that was guilty that had very charming murderer.

Detroit sports fans are better than L.A. fans because they are more 'locked in'

I actually really do like the sports fans [in Detroit]. There's good sports fans in L.A., but there's so much stuff going on that people don't really care that much. So Detroit, when you're rolling, it feels like everywhere you go, people know what's going on. They know whether you lost last night. I love fans that actually know what's going on.

If I were Zion Williamson, I would play again for Duke this season

Yeah, I would play. At the end of the day, you've got to play basketball. I totally get it. If he wanted to sit out, I wouldn't be like, 'oh, that's BS.' If he wants to sit out, cool, but I personally would play.

The NFL should replace all officials with combat veterans and Navy SEALs

Jay Glazer... has maybe the greatest idea ever. Hire all new officials—all combat veterans, special operations backgrounds, go hire a bunch of Navy SEALs, Marine Recon, Delta Force, those guys. They literally can react faster than the rest of the world, even when bullets are flying... and also coaches will be a little less inclined to rip into them out on the sideline.

LeBron James' career scoring milestone feels hollow on a terrible Lakers team

Obviously LeBron's career is unassailable at this point... But don't you think it felt a little hollow, the fact that he's doing it on a terrible Lakers team? If it happened in Cleveland, it would have been a lot bigger of a moment in my mind.

Charlie Casserly's criticism of Kyler Murray's leadership is a direct contradiction of his past views

Already Charlie Casserly has contradicted himself. People definitely question Baker Mayfield's leadership, his maturity, the ball grabbing, all these things... [Kyler Murray] has literally lost two games in his entire life playing football from high school on.

Steph Curry is the most disrespected superstar in the NBA by his own peers

I think [Steph Curry] is the most disrespected by his peers superstar, which is weird... I feel like a lot of the athletes hate Steph. In some way, it's some bad thing because he had this awesome upbringing... it felt like all five of these guys had ad campaigns built on addressing the haters.

I could beat up Steph Curry and Klay Thompson in a fight

I don't think Klay would care. Klay would be like, dude, I'm just going to tap out. Is that cool? ... Steph, the thing is, is what if Steph beats me? ... I don't think Steph would beat you. I think you could use your dialing... I'm going to give you two and a half out of five [starters].

The Chicago Bears should not have signed a kicker whose literal last name is 'Blewett'

Bears signed Blewett to help kicking woes. And that's a headline. Wait, your kicker, what's his name? Why the fuck did we do this? That's the dumbest thing ever... You can't sign a guy named Blewett.

Kyrie Irving's weird behavior is just a quarter-life crisis

My take on this is that Kyrie Irving, he's 26 years old, and I think this is actually a very relatable thing. Stars are just like us. The quarter-life crisis. Kyrie Irving's going through his quarter-life crisis. Everyone hits that point in your mid to late 20s where you're like, what's the meaning of life?

The Giants are crazy for letting Landon Collins walk for nothing

My hot seat is the New York Giants. So they won't franchise tag Landon Collins. They're going to let him walk. The guy who's 25 years old, made three Pro Bowls, seems to be like the heart of the locker room. So the Giants are letting him walk. And essentially, I think the Giants' plan is to just keep paying Eli forever.

Tom Brady is definitively the best quarterback of all time

The best quarterback of all time would be Tom Brady. That would be my opinion. Well, I would back it up with facts. The facts are he's won six Super Bowls. I do have two sources that have confirmed that Tom Brady is the best quarterback of all time. My left eye and my right eye.

Winning my fantasy basketball league is as satisfying as breaking a major news story

Satisfying is winning. [Winning the fantasy basketball league] would qualify as something that is on that list [more satisfying than breaking a big story]. I won the league last year... No one gives a shit except me that I'm trying to repeat. And it means nothing to anybody, but it means everything to me.

Jason Witten returning to the Cowboys was the best move for him personally

Honestly, this was the best thing for him to do. Now, the people that didn't like him as a broadcaster, they're happy. Dallas is thrilled. It was a great move on his part.

DK Metcalf's 1.6% body fat is a huge red flag

1.6% body fat is actually a huge red flag for me. Have a burger, man. You're a psycho if you have 1.6% body fat.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

Good indication of the sport of the future. I saw that highlight on my feed more than baseball, rugby, basketball, any other sport.

Jason Witten was essentially fired by ESPN

Jason Witten just got fired. Let's just call it what it is. If he was good at his job, he would not have gone back. I think ESPN was essentially like, dude, we're not saying you're fired, but... you're fired.

Prime 47 is a better steakhouse than St. Elmo's in Indianapolis

Prime 47 versus St. Elmo's. I have Prime 47. I thought St. Elmo's is you go for the shrimp cocktail, but after that, the menu doesn't have a lot to offer.

Ketchup tastes better when it is refrigerated

I think ketchup tastes better when it's refrigerated. Yeah, but you don't need to [refrigerate it]. That's kind of one of those weird things.

Joe Flacco was elite — elite guy, elite person, absolutely

Was [Joe Flacco] elite? Elite. Elite guy. Elite person. Absolutely.

The NFL should implement a 'Sky Judge' official in the press box

Let's put an official up in the box. He doesn't have to be a replay guy. Just make him the sky judge. Let him officiate the game from up there too. Just the big stuff, just the clear, obvious stuff.

The 2011 Ravens were more talented than the 2012 Super Bowl team

Really, that was probably our best team, 2011. The most talented team. We were probably better than the 2012 team.

Kyler Murray is now draftable because he measured at 5'10"

So 5'10", I like him now. He is draftable. He moved up my big board. He is still undraftable for John Elway, like eight inches too short.

Jason Witten's return to the NFL is a genius move to save his broadcasting legacy

What Jason Witten has just pulled off... with the one year of broadcasting that he did. And he was bad. He was very bad. He is now going back to the NFL, and now he can forever be the guy where, well, he never got his second year, so we don't know. The jury's still out on whether or not Jason Witten is bad, and history will be kind to him and not mock him.

Peyton Manning's low eyes-to-forehead ratio would make him great in the booth

I actually think [Peyton Manning] would be very, very good in the booth. You talk about a guy with low eyes. He sets the record for lowest eyes to forehead ratio.

Antonio Brown is a quitter and only worth a third-round pick

What would I give up for him? The third round pick. That's it? No more. I tend to agree with you. He quit. He quit. He's a quitter. Let me say it again. He's a quitter. If I'm on his team and the Steelers players weren't happy about it, he quit on them.

Eli Manning didn't play as poorly in 2018 as the media portrays

Eli didn't play that bad last year. He did not. He did not. Dude, sir. The team stopped. His line was awful. I said he didn't play as poorly as you guys are portraying.

The Boston Celtics are a complete dumpster fire

Celtics are a complete dumpster fire. I don't really have any championship spin zones. I don't really have any optimistic to say about them. I'm kind of just hoping that it's like one of those things where they're just going through the motions in the regular season.

The Indianapolis airport bathroom is a 7.5 out of 10

I thought my stall was fantastic... handicap stall has its own sink. Lack of urinals is a problem. There's only three... overall PFT, I would give it 7.5.

LeBron James is the best basketball player of his generation and his antics are hilarious

[LeBron] is absolutely the best player of his generation. ... My problem with LeBron lies mostly in the fact that you guys fail to see how hilarious he is. ... without LeBron James in the NBA, there would be so much less laughter.

LeBron James has no friends left and even Carmelo Anthony is ducking his calls

He's such an unusual individual that he's lost all of his friends. ... Even Melo, it's gotten to the point where Carmelo Anthony is ducking LeBron James' calls because that's a toxic friendship.

The word 'thick' is officially cancelled because Trey Wingo used it

My hot seat this week is thick. ... I'm actually canceling thick. Because Trey Wingo, he caught wind of it. ... the fact that Trey used a double C, it was like watching Darren Rovell kill 69 jokes in real time.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are the winners of the trade deadline for going all-in

Columbus is a winner for me. They went out and made a bunch of good moves. ... They're trying to win one, and they never even won a playoff series. ... I think the fans kind of deserve it.

Rebounding is more about hard work and film study than just effort

I think it's more hard work than anything. I think you have to look at film. You've got to look at people. You've just got to go out there and just put everything on the line. As far as scoring, that's easy.

If you died before the year 2000, you are essentially a caveman compared to people today

Essentially as much has changed in the world in the last 20 years. Correct. Where if you died prior to the year 2000, you're basically a caveman if we were to bring you back. ... Zero clout. They're fucking idiots.

Prostitution and sports gambling should both be legal

Prostitution should be legal because gambling should be prostitution and we take all the bad things out of the shadows so that people don't get harmed. Yes, and you should be able to do both on sports. They should have prostitutes in stadiums.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

Eating out of bowls is superior to eating off plates

Bowls are way, way better than plates. Would we all agree? There's nothing that you can eat out of a plate that you can't also eat out of a bowl. Everything's getting put in a bowl these days. America is hung up on bowl culture.

You choose your own destination once you are high

It's mind-altering. You choose your path once you're high. That is fucking deep. You choose your own path when you're high. You choose the destination when you're high. Make sure you fucking write that down.