Takes

Marvin Lewis should be fired solely for letting the photo of him and Hue Jackson exist

Easily the dumbest decision that Marvin Lewis has ever made as a head coach was letting Hugh Jackson stand on the sidelines against the Browns because that one single picture... Everyone took that picture and was like, dumb and dumber, look at these two fucking idiots. You have to be smarter to not allow that picture to happen.

Russell Wilson is the most terrifying quarterback to face when down in the 4th quarter

Russell Wilson now, to me, is the number one guy in the NFL... right now, week 12, if you were down in the fourth quarter and you had to hand the ball to one quarterback, I'd hand it to Russell Wilson.

Jim Harbaugh is not on the hot seat because Michigan cannot hire anyone better

I don't think he's on the hot seat... because I don't think Michigan can do better. That's the key part. It's like, if you're a Michigan fan and you're like, we want to fire Jim Harbaugh, who the fuck are you getting? No one.

The Houston Texans are not Super Bowl ready because their offense is not explosive enough

I don't think it's going to happen. I don't think they're ready yet... I don't think they're Super Bowl ready because I just don't think they're explosive enough on offense. And I don't think play calling-wise, they know how to put their foot on your throat.

Drew Brees is the NFL MVP

If this continues, you can't not give Brees the MVP. You have to give it to him.

I still believe Aaron Donald is too undersized to be successful

What Aaron Donald is doing as an interior lineman is insane. I still think [Donald] is too undersized to be successful.

I am rooting for Washington State to get into the College Football Playoff

I now am rooting for Washington State to get into the playoff just to piss off... Mike Leach... is going to make [Saban or Harbaugh] so angry because they're all serious.

Jalen Ramsey could make it to the fourth tier of professional hockey with six months of training

If [Ramsey] had six months of elite training... I think that he could maybe make the [SPHL]... based off his athleticism... mentally he wouldn't understand the game much.

NHL parity is what makes it superior to all other major sports

To me, the parity is what strengthens the NHL over all the other major sports... things are constantly shaken up because of those rules... in the NBA, it's just like, hey, who's going to play the Warriors?

LeBron James is by far the best player I ever played with

Well, clearly [LeBron James] is the best by far. I think you give D-Wade the nod [for second] because he has three championships, but T-Mac to me was the hardest cover ever.

The New Orleans Saints are clearly the best team in football right now

The Saints are clearly, in my mind, the best team in football right now. Drew Brees is insane... 21 touchdowns, one interception, 77% completion percentage.

Colt McCoy is a gamer who can tread water but won't win a big drive

Colt McCoy is the type of – he's a gamer. He's going to win you a lot of games like – 21-17, and then when you get to a big moment and you need a big drive, he's not that guy anymore.

The Bears are the third best team in the NFC

Would you say the Bears are the third best team in the NFC right now as we're sitting here? I mean, they're 7-3.

The craft beer industry is currently being killed by bankers

Craft beer is getting freaking killed right now. And what's happened in the craft beer world... originally when people started making craft beers, they were into the beer. Now they're freaking bankers that are into the money. So half the craft beers now suck.

Urban Meyer's sideline health issues are dramatic acting based on game flow

Urban Meyer... every single time Maryland scored, he looked like he was going to pass out. He was doing the most dramatic things on the sidelines, going to his knees and throwing his headset... And then Ohio State would come down the field and score, and he'd have his hands up, and he'd be like, I'm back, I'm good.

The Green Bay Packers are dead

Today is Friday, November 16th, and the Green Bay Packers are dead. They are. The Packers gave it their all. They really tried hard, but to fall short and to punt fourth and two with three and a half minutes left... I just do not understand that ever.

Aaron Rodgers has lost his magic

I think it's time for us to put the done shit on them. I think they're done. I think the magic has gone away from Aaron Rodgers. Listen. I think the pendulum has swung.

Aaron Rodgers is passionless and nonchalant about his throws

Aaron Rodgers is an exceptional talent... But doesn't it feel like he is very nonchalant about a lot of his throws? He does the flick the wrist thing. And he can do it better than anyone, and it feels like he just is very nonchalant about a lot of his throws.

The Cowboys will give their fans just enough hope to break their hearts

The Cowboys can't go out in a normal way. They can't lose and not make the playoffs by just being bad. They have to do it in a heartbreaking way. So we have not heard the last of the Cowboys this season.

Never bet on the Oakland Raiders

Don't bet on the Raiders. Also, here's another tip. I bet on the Raiders like five times this year. They will find new ways to reach levels of incompetence that we have not seen in this country in the last 200 years.

Kyle Shanahan's offensive installs are outrageous

Every install meeting that [Shanahan] does is absolutely outrageous... he explains it so fast. He'll go through 60 plays in about 15 minutes and then you guys got all that, and we're out on the field practicing.

Pancaking a defender is better than catching a touchdown

If you can take a defensive end and bend him over backwards and put his back on the turf, that's one of the greatest feelings of all time.

Nick Saban definitely uses the internet and is lying about it

I think he does have all those things... I just feel like that's a guy who has the internet who's ashamed of having the internet... he always says rat poison... how does he find this stuff out if he doesn't have the internet?

Mike Wilbon thinks analytics have hijacked baseball

Wilbon... actually thinks that we're under an analytics hijacking... Analytics have hijacked his sport, baseball. And he says that we've gone so far and we undervalue wins. He doesn't care about ERA... He cares about wins.

If a podcast lasts seven years, it is Radio Hall of Fame worthy

If you do a podcast for more than seven [years]... the 95% of podcasts go for exactly one month and end. And then the other 5%, if you can get past seven years, then you're officially Radio Hall of Fame worthy.

Eli Manning is definitely going to be in the Hall of Fame

He's going to be in the Hall of Fame, which we can embrace debate. I actually looked through his numbers. I did some deep diving. It's interesting to be like he's a Hall of Famer for sure and then look at his career and be like half the seasons you had to even ask if he was good.

Bill O'Brien is a bad coach who will never win a Super Bowl

Bill O'Brien's a bad coach and no way he's going to win a Super Bowl. Yeah, exactly. No way he's going to win a Super Bowl.

The holiday season officially starts right now (November 14th)

My cool throne is actually for everyone who wants to get drunk all the time, because I think we can officially say it's holiday season. Starting right now.

The Eagles are playing like a pile of shit

They [the Eagles] are playing like a pile of shit. Offensively, they look boring. I don't know what it is that's so different from last year.

Baker Mayfield is officially a franchise quarterback

Baker Mayfield saying, 'I woke up this morning feeling dangerous.' That's a franchise quarterback.

Matt Patricia has officially lost the Lions' locker room

Remember the start of the season when we said Matt Patricia lost the locker room and everyone was like, 'No, you were wrong.' I think he actually has. And it's a disaster.

Louisville is no longer fun without Pitino and Petrino

I wish they didn't fire Pitino and Petrino, because now I feel like Louisville's just not going to be as fun anymore. They went from the horniest campus in America to now just a really boring campus.

Michigan is currently a better team than Notre Dame

I honestly think Michigan, even though it lost to Notre Dame to start the year, is better than Notre Dame. At least it's playing better... I think Michigan just overall, special teams, defense, and offense has been a better team than Notre Dame.

Ben Mason is the clear number one fullback in college football

Mason's my clear number one. No, Mason, to me, is clearly the best fullback in college right now. He just destroys dudes.

Dino Babers would be the ideal hire for USC

If I'm the Trojans, I'd go after [Dino] Babers, honestly. Because I think that he runs an exciting offense. You know, in L.A., you have to sell excitement. I think Babers is a good coach.

Baker Mayfield is having the best year of all the rookie quarterbacks

I'm going to give it to my guy, Baker Mayfield. I just feel like, given how bad that offensive line is, the way that he stood in there and taken some of these hits and made plays... the performances that he's put up with all the turmoil inside the organization have been kind of crazy.

Josh Rosen has been the most disappointing rookie quarterback

The one that really disappoints, I think, it's probably Josh Rosen. Any one of these guys, given no-skill position players around them, some uninspired play calling could look as bad as Josh Rosen looks right now.

Jimmy Butler screwed over the Timberwolves by tanking his trade value

Jimmy Butler fucked over the Timberwolves. Make no mistake about it. He fucked them over. Doing what he did gave them zero leverage. I'm going to sit out when I want to sit out. I don't give a fuck. And the Timberwolves were like, okay, well, now we're screwed.

The 76ers signing Carmelo Anthony would signify the end of The Process

If you bring Carmelo Anthony on your team, the process is over... No, you're starting to undo the process. You're stretching the process too thin. You're taking the tent down.

Carmelo Anthony's late-career decline is ruining his legacy

What's going to end up happening is he's going to keep hanging on and keep doing this, and it's going to ruin his legacy because he actually was an unbelievable basketball player... Syracuse Melo and Nuggets Melo and being an unbelievable scorer, it's all going to be ruined.

The Steelers are officially a factor again

I'm ready to declare the Steelers are back. No, they're a factor. That's what I'm going to call them. They're going to be a factor. They could make some noise.

Incompetent leadership is the biggest long-term threat to the NFL

I think ultimately the incompetence of the people who run it is going to wear it down because there is no long-term thinking among any of these owners... So I think that the crisis of leadership is the biggest long-term threat to the league, perhaps.

Will Grier is the best player in college football

I don't know where that [big balls narrative] come from, honestly, because I got the best player in college football in Will Grier, so those decisions are pretty easy.

Soap can't get dirty because it cleans itself

My friend uses a bar of soap to clean his ass crack and uses it the next day on his whole body... He says soap can't get dirty, so it's fine. [Hank says] He's right. You're wrong. It's like soap cleans itself all the time because it's layers.

The Cowboys stink and Jerry Jones has no idea what is going on anymore

The Cowboys stink. And Jerry Jones is either dead or has no idea what's going on anymore. He actually has changed the narrative on everyone because he's so scared of firing Jason Garrett and not having full control of his team.

Jerry Jones is no longer making the calls for the Cowboys

Jerry Jones is not making the calls anymore. I think he's a figurehead right now. He's the emperor with no clothes... Steven Jones, he's taken over the kingdom from his father. It's like at the end of Braveheart where the old guy's dying and the son's making the calls.

The Titans should not have signed Malcolm Butler

Malcolm Butler fucking stinks. He's so bad. He's been terrible. [Bill Belichick] duped over his own former player. You are the Titans, yes. You should not have signed Malcolm Butler.

Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak is likely the most unbreakable record in sports

I agree. My longest hitting streak was 16 games. And so to think somebody could go 56 games without going 0 for 4 is amazing to me. And I think the pressure of the consecutive games hitting streak... because of the media coverage and the scrutiny, that creates more pressure. And so I think that's almost unattainable.

Certain players have an intangible value that isn't captured by modern sabermetrics

I think that certain players have an intangible value that's not measurable in the way that they're measuring everything nowadays. But, I mean, it's like Eddie Murray was our fourth hitter. He could be 0 for 50... But if Eddie was not in our lineup, we felt like we didn't have a good lineup. He stabilized the whole lineup.

Players should act like they've been there before and avoid bat flipping

I don't like that [bat flipping]... you were considered more of a sportsman. So your entertainment value was in the quality of your sport and how you competed... but I always felt that and maybe it's John Riggins like if you score a touchdown, you know, act like you've been there before.