Takes

Novak Djokovic is the Tennis GOAT

Djokovic is the GOAT. [Adnan: No, you're brutal.] How much does it suck to root for a guy [Federer] who keeps losing to Djokovic?

Pete Sampras's 14 majors were more impressive than the era of Federer and Djokovic because Sampras was so much better than his peers

Sampras's [majors] were more impressive... Sampras was just that much better than everybody else that he was playing at the time.

Watching Monday Night Raw for a Stone Cold appearance is better than watching The Bachelorette

It's so lame that people watch that show [The Bachelorette]. Be a real man and watch three hours of Monday Night Raw just so that Stone Cold [Steve Austin] can come out for the last five seconds... I did that last night.

J.B. Holmes ruined the Open Championship with his slow play

Fuck J.B. Holmes. Fuck him. Brooks Koepka would have won. He ruined the Open Championship. Ruined it.

I don't think Tiger Woods' body can be competitive in every tournament anymore

I just don't know if his body can [compete]. He looked every bit his age and maybe even older on Thursday when he teed off and he did the wince because of his back. And he also did the old guy move... when it rains, he says, my knees hurt.

Joe Flacco has cool hair

We've been inundated with so many pictures of Joe Flacco and his cool hair. Reporters out in Denver can't believe that he actually has decent hair.

Dana White should put Greg Hardy in a ring with Francis Ngannou or Stipe Miocic

I don't understand why Dana White... There are so many guys that can kick [Greg Hardy's] ass, and he keeps fighting tomato kids. Have Francis Ngannou just beat the fuck out of him. Stipe Miocic, he'd kick his ass.

Michael Jordan's competitive drive is the athlete trait I wish I had most

I'll start with Michael Jordan's competitive drive. That will be my number one.

Winning Blake of the Year is like winning a low Division II championship

True story... I was on a flight when the Blake of the Year came out, and when I landed in Atlanta, you would have thought I had just literally won like a low Division II championship.

The 'Lob City' era Clippers deserve credit for changing the franchise's culture and putting them on a winning path

I agree. I think that we were part of that changing that culture a little bit... before I got drafted there people were telling me like do not go there they'll ruin your career... we started making the playoffs five consecutive years... I think we were a part of putting that franchise at least on the path.

NBA parity is in a great place because there is no clear favorite this year

I actually think it's great for basketball. I mean, the parity in basketball now is... I don't think you can really go into the season this year being like this team is going to win and the odds are stacked. It's going to be like good for basketball.

Golden State would have won the championship if they were healthy

I think Golden State would have won this year [2019] if they were healthy. Like no question.

It's very lame when NBA players get upset about their 2K ratings

Very [lame], yeah. Because it has no control over how you actually are as a player.

Michael Scott from 'The Office' definitely would have voted for Donald Trump because he likes a party and the rallies

Michael Scott definitely did. Just because he likes a party. He probably went to the rallies. He definitely would be a guy that would start like just a pro-Trump Twitter account and then he'd get famous based off that.

Sergio Garcia will never win another major championship

Sergio Garcia from España... he's never going to put it together in major championships, so it looks like [Koepka] is in the catbird seat.

Junior Mints are S-tier because of their scarcity

The one thing I like about Junior Mints, I don't think you can get it everywhere... you go into even a liquor store, you can get a Snickers bar... it's just too easy to get. I like the fact you got to work a little for your Junior Mints.

I am an analyst and opinionist now, not a newsbreaker

I don't define myself as a newsbreaker. And I'm not even a newsbreaker anymore. I mean, that's one reason I left ESPN was because they wanted to keep me in a news-breaking role. And I wanted opinion and analysis. I'm so happy now to be in the role of an opinionist and an analyst because I do have an educated opinion.

I don't agree with homosexuality — I don't make the rules, I just follow the Bible

I don't agree with homosexuality. So that's, you know, that's living as a Christian. I don't make the rules. I just try to follow the rules that God said, according to the Bible.

I've had homosexuals at my house and we're cool

I've had homosexuals at my house that are friends and we're cool. So it's not a matter of me not being able to get along with anybody and be friendly with people.

The best way to oppose gay marriage is to simply not get gay married

So you've kind of adopted the mindset, like, you're not for gay marriage, and so you're going to show that by not getting gay married. But people around you, if they get married to somebody, like, then that's fine, in your opinion?

Jay Onrait is 'soft' and only criticized me out of bitterness and Canadian bias

Jay Onrait is soft. I think his ire with me stems from two things. One, bitterness that Fox Sports 1 didn't bring him back. And two, during the playoffs, I called Canada soft... I think some of it is people tend to think it because look, I'm not saying I would have broken the Kawhi story but I wasn't trying.

Kawhi Leonard would have joined the Lakers if the Clippers hadn't traded for Paul George

I still believe that had the Clippers not been able to pull off the deal for Paul George, [Kawhi Leonard] would have joined the Lakers. I don't think he wanted to live anymore in Toronto. I think he wanted to be in SoCal, but he also wanted a second star.

The Clippers are currently a better team than the Lakers

I think the Clippers are the better team right now... one, their pieces fit together... all the role players know their roles... when we look at the Lakers, we see questions all over... Frank Vogel, when we know if LeBron had his druthers, Ty Lue would be the coach.

Licorice is the best jelly bean to give to someone you hate

What are the best flavors of jelly beans to give to someone you hate? Oh, definitely licorice. Yep. You can have them all.

Laptops should be abolished

If you could change any one thing in today's world back to how it was when you were in your 20s, what would it be? I would go without laptops. Get rid of laptops. I can't figure out a laptop. I barely can figure out a phone.

Mitch Trubisky being the 20th best quarterback in Madden with a 75 rating is fair

Trubisky was ranked the 20th best quarterback with a rating of 75. That's okay.

Dennis Rodman is a top pick to storm Area 51 because of his diplomatic experience in North Korea

My first pick, I'll just take Dennis Rodman because he went to North Korea. He can figure out diplomatic stuff. He will be able to talk to the aliens.

Sam Cassell would be the perfect athlete to storm Area 51 because the aliens would think he's one of them

My second one, I guess I'll go with Sam Cassell. Just because, you know, maybe if there is any type of, like, maybe these guys are like us, they'll see Sam Cassell and be like, all right, that's an ally.

Edwin Encarnacion hasn't earned his Yankees pinstripes yet because the team lost the game where he hit two home runs

Newly acquired Yankees, Edwin Encarnacion... He had two home runs and the MLB tweeted out that the parrot has earned his pinstripes. But they lost the game, and then home runs meant nothing. You can't earn your pinstripes until you stop getting paid from your former employer.

Brooks Koepka ghosting Tiger Woods shows he cares more about winning the Blake of the Year award than anything else

Tiger texted him [Brooks Koepka] asking to play a round of golf before the British Open. He just ghosted him. So he cares more about the Blake of the Year than he does about Tiger Woods.

Meryl Streep is the all-time GOAT of passive-aggressive comments

Meryl Streep is coming in... Meryl Streep is wrecking people. She's so – her little passive-aggressive comments. She is the all-time goat when it comes to passive-aggressive comments.

Fans building cup snakes at Wrigley Field are actually doing a favor to the recycling staff

We're talking about cup snakes where people are actually recycling. They're doing a favor to the Wrigley Field staff. They're collecting all the cups for them so they don't have to go around and get them after the game.

The SEC officiating Twitter account is just a shield to prevent fans from attacking the referees' personal accounts

This actually could be brilliant, though. If we're talking about SEC fan bases, I feel like they're the most likely to find the official's private personal accounts and go after them so this is just like hey no attack us right it's a shield.

People who leave hate comments online are 'keystroke bullies' who wouldn't say the same things to your face

There are those people that just sit in their mother's basement... find fault with other people and disparage the efforts of others. I call them keystroke bullies. And you know something? They would never say that to you in an elevator.

Cleveland fans felt personally rejected by LeBron James when he left for Miami

Number one need in all people is acceptance. Number one fear is rejection. [LeBron] rejected the cities. I'm out of here. So they all felt rejected. We're not good enough. You're leaving us. So that hurt. So they really had a love-hate relationship with him.

I would choose to cut off my pinky toe rather than go bald

The little toe doesn't do anything. I'm going to teach you a lesson, Dr. Phil. You ready for this? I would cut off my little toe rather than be bald. 100%. Not even a question.

I would much rather get my information from Ask Jeeves than Wikipedia

I'd much rather read off Ask Jeeves than Wikipedia. If we can start that back up, then I'm all for that. You can't quote Google anymore, so you got to go ask Jeeves. I never got a bad grade on my paper from ask Jeeves.

I am a personal servant to my dog Stella

I actually am a servant to Stella because every day I wake up and I give her food at the exact same time. And she goes back in bed and hangs out all day. And then I come home and I give her food again.

Novak Djokovic is the tennis GOAT

I'm a Djokovic guy. I became a Djokovic guy on Sunday morning. ... Djokovic is the GOAT. He's got 16 Grand Slam titles, and he's six years younger than Federer.

The person who invented tennis scoring was a crackhead with a brain injury

The person who invented tennis scoring in the first place was just like a crackhead with a brain injury. 15-30-40. And then there's love. Why?

I can't stand the US Open's 'Mickey Mouse' uniforms compared to Wimbledon's class

I'm a tradition guy. I don't like the U.S. Open with their mickey mouse uniforms they're all wearing like neon stuff. No thanks. I'm a Wimbledon guy... caught dead in the U.S. Open. The lawn and racket club it's just pure class out there.

The Russell Westbrook-Chris Paul trade was a win-win

The Chris Paul-Russell Westbrook trade, I actually think both teams won. Not won a championship, but I think both teams got something. Like, the Rockets finally have good chemistry again and the Thunder... I actually think they won't be – they'll make the playoffs.

Both the Rockets and Thunder lost the Russell Westbrook-Chris Paul trade

I think both teams lost. I'm not prepared to crown a victor until – this is one of those trades where we really do have to wait for like five years to figure out.

There are no real aliens at Area 51 because the government would have moved them if they were that well-known

If everyone knows Area 51, there's no chance there's real aliens there. They would have moved them somewhere else.

Grayson Allen's reputation for dirty play is back

Grayson Allen's back committing flagrant fouls at a rate unprecedented to players not named Grayson Allen. ... It's great to see a player fall back into the old stereotype that you had on him.

Coaches should never have anyone else call for a job for them

I was always brought up to that if I wanted a job, I would never have anyone else call for me. I would always call myself. ... If any other coach would have recommended Sean [McVay], I think he would have had a chance.

NFL head coaches are fighting to keep their jobs every single day they go to work

I approach it this way. I'm fighting to keep my job every single day. So every time I go into work, I'm trying to prove that I'm worthy of a job. And every time we're playing a game, I'm trying to prove that I'm worthy.

LeBron James won't be a 'real' Laker until he wins a championship

[LeBron's] got to win the chip, and then he'll be loved. Like all the Lakers that win it, I love. ... Magic got his own lane. Kareem got his own lane.

The Lakers are LeBron James's team because Anthony Davis still has to learn how to be a champion

I think it's LeBron's team. I mean, he's the veteran, and he has the championship. So [Anthony Davis] is going to have to learn how to do that.

Bill Belichick is the type of coach who would cut off his dick one year too early rather than one year too late.

Belichick's the kind of guy who would cut off his dick one year too early instead of one year too late. That's why he's won all those titles. Vrabel is chasing a ghost.