Takes

I will not drink alcohol until Thanksgiving to train for my dunk attempt

I'm going. I'm not drinking till Thanksgiving... I'm training every day. It's not something I've like forgot about. Overdrive.

I'm getting a gambling turtle named Mr. Pear to make picks on the show

I like it done. Mr. Pear. Mr. Pear... we'll stamp the slices of pears with the different logos. Yeah. And that will be, that will be how he picks his games. Which pair Mr. Pear. And we should never discipline him. Never.

When PMT eventually ends, we will do a massive cash-grab retirement tour

When we do end up hanging up the cleats, we're gonna do like a sellout like Aerosmith... and we're just gonna be like, yeah, we're gonna make like $20 million being washed up podcasters doing like one final tour... it would be a much more calculated landing the plane.

I will become a Colts fan in the AFC if Jim Irsay forces Dan Snyder to sell

I will become a Colts fan in the AFC if Jim Irsay does this [gets Dan Snyder out]. And I think he's going to, because you've never heard an owner say anything like this before.

The OMAD (One Meal A Day) diet is going to 'kick everyone's ass'

I'm on a diet. You've got to get your stomach small, bro. Once you reach OMAD (One Meal A Day), it's a level of intermittent fasting... If I never eat again, I will be skinny. OMAD is going to kick everyone's ass.

I am going to retire from podcasting in three years

I'm going to retire in like three years... I think as soon as I'm like, it's funny being old right now, but then when I'm real old, old, it'll be like, this sucks.

Wisconsin will make a tournament run because Roy Williams and North Carolina are turnover machines

I have talked myself into Wisconsin making a run. I said to myself, you know what? Roy Williams, he's not a good coach. [North Carolina] are going to turn the ball over. They're going to win, they're going to hit their jump shots. I've done that.

I will cut my hair if Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game for Washington

When Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game, I will cut my hair. For the football team. I'll say it with my chest: when Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game, I will cut my hair.

I will get Kevin Durant on the podcast before my 36th birthday

I will say if we don't get Kevin Durant on this podcast in our age of 35, cancel my birthday next year. I'll just stay 35 forever.

Philip Rivers will play in 2020 because he needs a break from his nine children

Phil is addicted to blood... he is going to be faced with a choice of staying at home with nine kids... or going to work and getting a break from those nine kids. I think he's going to go to work.

There is a 50% chance I get signed to an XFL contract

Let me say, I think that there is actually like a 50% chance that I do get an XFL contract, that I am signed to the XFL. I'm going to find out on Wednesday night and be able to report on Thursday morning what happened.

The Jaguars will go from worst to first in the AFC South.

Jaguars. That division is like Andrew Luck's gone. I don't know what the Titans offense is going to be. ... I think it's got to be the Jaguars.

I am officially running for President of the United States in 2020

I'm hereby declaring myself... I'm opening my candidacy for president of the United States of America. All I need is 125,000 individual donors. If 125,000 of you gave me $1, then I would qualify for the next debates. So I don't see why not.

Jon Snow will kill Daenerys Targaryen and the dragon

I've said that Jon Snow's going to kill Dany... I think Jon Snow's going to kill Dany and kill the dragon. Because he's going to be like, we can't have dragons in this world. Look what they did to King's Landing.

The podcast industry will eventually die like magazines

Everything's going to die. Listen, whatever project you're working on, that thing is not going to exist in 100 years. I don't care who you are. So yeah, everything's going to die.