Takes

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied because he genuinely does not care that everyone hates him

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied just because he truly does not care that everyone hates him. And I think he might be the only person on it that actually feels that way.

LeBron James can never match Michael Jordan's level of legendary asshole-ness

LeBron could never. Never, ever. ... MJ talks such great shit... [He] has a full staff walking around with highlights ready to go, depending on which NBA players he runs into. ... LeBron could never.

I'm becoming a Bill O'Brien fan because his stupidity has reached a level that is hilarious

I'm almost becoming a Bill O'Brien fan because there is that level where like you stupidity becomes so stupid that it's absolutely hilarious and you root for it because now he's an underdog. Well, if a really really stupid guys going up against a bunch of averagely smart guys... it seems like he's more in demand than DeAndre Hopkins even is.

Skip Bayless won by getting the Virginia Cavaliers to talk about him after the title game

Anytime a championship team talks about an analyst, a troll analyst, they won. Mission accomplished. No matter who it is, no matter what it is that's giving Stephen A. Smith attention, Stephen A. is basking in it.

The Bengals and Marvin Lewis are staying together for the kids

The Bengals and Marvin Lewis are staying together for the kids. And they're in a loveless relationship. That's okay. They don't fight in public. They don't kiss on the lips anymore. That's fine.

Nick Saban only hires former head coaches as interns so he can eventually beat them

Is this Nick Saban thinking ahead and saying, Butch Jones might get another job in the SEC, so I need to put him under my coaching tree so that I can beat him? Because he's undefeated against his coaching tree.

Dan Snyder is using the franchise tag on Kirk Cousins just to maintain control

Dan Snyder... has decided he's going to franchise tag Kirk Cousins after trading for older Kirk Cousins [Alex Smith]... It's just Snyder wanting to have control over a situation where he has no control. Which is everything.

LaVar Ball is the living embodiment of my 'future me' theory

He is the living embodiment of future me. Yes. Because he, his, his theory is as long as I never admit anything's wrong, then nothing's wrong. Right. Exactly.

Andy Reid ordering three steaks at once is a total alpha move

Jeffrey Lurie said the first time he went out to dinner with Andy Reid, Andy Reid ordered three steaks at once. Such an alpha move. King's Stay Kings. That is an alpha move. Three steaks, one for every quarter that Andy coaches.

Lady Gaga's Super Bowl halftime performance was stellar

Lady Gaga's halftime performance, which was stellar, by the way. Anyone who hated that, get out of my face. Stop listening to this show.