PMT DB
PMT DB
Albert Breer and Michael Portnoy on Hacking and Legal Liability
LeBron James finally signed his contract with the Cavaliers, and while the rest of the sports media world is treating it like a normal transaction, Big Cat and PFT Commenter are looking at the grim reality for Cleveland. The guys spent weeks pretending LeBron might leave just to keep themselves entertained, only to realize they accidentally convinced themselves it could actually happen. Now that the ink is dry, PFT is looking ahead to the inevitable downfall of the Cavs' salary cap.
PFT CommenterLeBron James' massive contract will cripple the Cavaliers' long-term future
I think [LeBron James] might have crippled the Cavaliers long term with this deal... The Cavaliers, they've got so much dead money that's going to be hanging around LeBron James' neck in three years. They're going to be lucky to eke out 40 wins in a season.
With the LeBron saga over, the search for a new investigative journalism project led PFT to a shocking discovery: the NFL still hasn't officially suspended Aaron Hernandez. Despite being convicted of murder and charged with several others, the league office has been suspiciously quiet.
PFT CommenterThe NFL needs to officially suspend Aaron Hernandez immediately
Aaron Hernandez, now convicted of the murder of Odin Lloyd, he's been charged with double homicide. He's being investigated for another shooting. Still not officially suspended by the NFL... We are the Woodward and Bernstein [of this story].
Mount Rushmore of Conspiracy Theories
In a segment that felt like it was born in the deepest corners of a Reddit thread, the guys drafted their top conspiracy theories. PFT leaned into the "Phantom Time Hypothesis," a theory so wild it suggests we might actually be living hundreds of years earlier than the calendar says because the Church just made up three centuries.
PFT CommenterThe years AD 614 to 911 did not actually happen
The phantom time hypothesis. So there are a bunch of people out there that truly believe that the years AD 614 to 911 didn't happen... They were all made up by the church. So like that's 300 years of human history that we just were taught about, but they don't happen.
Big Cat brought some heavy hitters to the table as well, including some skepticism about the greatest basketball player of all time and a legendary musician's ability to see.
Big CatStevie Wonder isn't actually blind
Stevie Wonder isn't blind. Have you seen some of the clips out there? He catches microphones that are falling down. Like he's pointing at people. He's a blind guy that points. They do not point. Stevie Wonder is not blind. Look it up.
He also touched on a sore spot for Big Ten fans, suggesting that the 2014 title game between Wisconsin and Ohio State wasn't exactly a fair fight but rather a strategic sacrifice for the good of the conference.
Big CatWisconsin threw the 2014 Big Ten Championship game so Ohio State could make the College Football Playoff
Wisconsin threw the 2014 Big Ten championship game 59-0 so that Ohio State could go to the national championship game... Barry Alvarez, Wisconsin AD, sits on the selection committee... He knew, hey, listen, if we're going to get the Big Ten into the national championship, they've got to put a whooping down. Hey, Wisconsin – Go ahead and roll over. 59-0. Let's make it a bloodbath.
Not to be outdone, Hank entered the fray with a theory about personal hygiene products that actually makes a terrifying amount of sense once you think about it.
HankChapStick is a myth that creates its own dependency
I think ChapStick's a myth, too. Like, I don't believe in ChapStick. I've never put on ChapStick one time in my life, and I've never thought I needed ChapStick. But once you start using it, then your mind tells you, I need more ChapStick.
America’s Lawyer Mike Portnoy
Michael Portnoy, Esquire, joined the show to provide some much-needed legal counsel on the "Uhhh Hey JJ" movement. Big Cat and PFT wanted to know if they could be sued for directing an army of sarcastic tweeters at JJ Watt. Mr. Portnoy assured them that as long as they aren't causing "due harm" to a public figure, feelings aren't legally actionable. He also shared his thoughts on the 2016 election, theorizing that Donald Trump might be executing a very specific exit strategy.
Mr. PortnoyDonald Trump is trying to lose the election to start a cable news network
I'm so convinced that [Trump's] trying to lose. And if you think about it, it sets up perfectly for him to lose. He has somebody to blame, press, the other Republicans... He then can go back, start his own cable TV news network, employ his children on each one of the shows, won't have to do the heavy lifting that's involved in being president... He said something today about the fact that it wouldn't be so bad if he lost. It wouldn't be the end of the world. That's the first little step.
PR 101 with Albert Breer
In a PMT first, the guys conducted a live PR 101 with a guest who was actively in the middle of a crisis. Albert Breer joined the show from a maternity ward—having just had a child—while his Twitter account was being systematically dismantled by a hacker who claimed Albert wanted to be a gay porn star. PFT suggested that the best way to move past the scandal was to lean in and perhaps have Peter King retweet a photo of Albert's hospital bracelet as proof of life.
Albert BreerSaints rookie Michael Thomas is a massive fantasy alert catching everything at camp
Mike Thomas from the New Orleans Saints has been catching everything, and he's an Ohio State guy too... Definitely a fantasy alert there.
Before letting him go, Albert gave a quick update from NFL training camps, highlighting a specific rookie in New Orleans who looks like a lock for fantasy production this year.
Albert BreerUrban Meyer will win a national title before he has another health issue
I think that [Urban Meyer] is going to win a national title before another national title. [Big Cat: Before another fake heart attack?] There was nothing fake about it, Big Cat... Show some concern for your fellow human beings.
Segments
The show rounded out with a "Spinzone" for Bobby Petrino after he was caught liking questionable content on Twitter. PFT argued that for a guy with Petrino's history, merely liking a tweet is actually a sign of massive personal growth.
PFT CommenterBobby Petrino coaches every game with a waistband-tucked boner
I've got a theory that Bobby Petrino coaches every single game doing a waistband tuck... He's got full erection. Every conference game, he's got a full erection. Just keep an eye on that for maybe a little cherry poking out of the top.
Finally, the guys checked in on Tommy Lasorda's health and debated a listener's Jimbo about why the Olympics continue to bankrupt a different city every four years instead of just buying a permanent island.
If you see a guy at a gas station paying for fuel and then driving away without the nozzle, just know he’s probably a fan of the show.
