PMT DB
PMT DB
The Wonton Don and Timm Woods on Dungeons & Dragons: Lance Rock
Dungeons & Dragons is officially back, and the energy in the room was high as the legendary Timm Woods returned to lead another campaign. This time, the crew added a new face to the table with The Wonton Don joining as a deep gnome ranger. Big Cat was already looking toward the future of the segment before the first die even hit the table.
Big CatWonton Don was such a great guest that next time we play D&D, he and Nick should both join us.
Wonton Don was a great fill in. It might just be Nick and Donny next time with us because it was that great. So much fun with him.
Before the adventure truly began, the usual suspects had to address the elephant—or rather, the Hank—in the room. After years of infighting, accidental murders, and questionable post-mortem activities, there was a tentative peace treaty signed at the start of the session. Big Cat was unusually optimistic about their ability to actually finish a quest for once.
Big CatI am promising that I will truce fully and not attack anyone during this D&D session.
I am promising that I will truce fully. I will not attack anyone. I Wonton try to get as far as we've ever gotten where we don't get sidetracked. ... I am dressed nicely today. ... I Wonton have fun with my friends and then, and just go on a nice adventure together.
PFT was a bit more realistic about the situation. While he promised to behave, he knew exactly how these things usually go when Hank is involved.
PFT CommenterI promise not to kill Hank during this D&D session unless he gives me a reason to.
I promise not to kill Hank unless Hank does something that makes me have to kill him, which he might do. ... I'm not gonna attack Hank. I'm not gonna attack anybody that's in my party. But if Hank does something that's like, he really has it coming, it's gonna be tough for me not to.
Timm Woods set the stakes high by revealing that every group of AWS who had played this specific adventure, the Necromancer of Lance Rock, had actually finished it. The pressure was on for the guys to not be the first group to fail, even if the odds were stacked against them.
Timm WoodsEvery group of fans that has played this adventure has successfully finished it.
Every one of the a w l groups who has gone through this adventure has gotten to the end and finished it. But I also told them I wasn't sure if you guys would or not.
The Caves of Lance Rock
The adventure kicked off at the mouth of a cave where Norm the Human Barbarian (Big Cat) immediately got to work by putting an ogre in a headlock. Things stayed relatively civil until the group encountered the first of several moral dilemmas involving missing children from the local village. Hank, playing as Ehrlich the Warlock, showed his true colors early when he started bartering the souls of children to his demonic patron for a few extra hit points.
HankMy Warlock patron is basically just a dealer trying to support his family by taking souls.
He's just going to my dealer's house. Right? ... Maybe he's just trying to support his family and that's the only way he knows how. ... I gotta support the plug.
Hank’s logic for sending a child to hell was essentially a very dark version of "tough love," suggesting the kid should have stayed out of the caves in the first place.
HankThe missing children in the D&D campaign deserve their fate for exploring dangerous caves.
The child needs a lesson. You shouldn't go explore caves plug.
This didn't sit particularly well with PFT, who pointed out that the original mission was a rescue operation, not a soul-harvesting expedition.
PFT CommenterSending the missing kids to hell was definitely not part of our original rescue mission.
I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell. ... I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell. It was to [maybe save them].
Hippo Mode and the Necromancer
The Wonton Don’s character, Garbo, brought a teenage hippo named Mode into the fray. The hippo proved to be a versatile asset, serving as a tank, a mount, and eventually a sacrifice. Donny was confident in his pet's ability to handle the undead threats lurking in the tunnels.
The Wonton DonOne teenage hippo can successfully take on three or four ghouls in combat.
I think one hippo can take three GULs or four... I think that's a solid matchup.
The climax of the episode involved a massive battle with the Necromancer himself. After a series of chaotic moves, including PFT’s soul being transferred into the hippo's body via a critical roll, the party managed to corner the villain. Big Cat did the heavy lifting, but it was Hank who landed the final blow with a massive fireball that also happened to incinerate the hippo and PFT’s soul in the process.
Big CatI deserve credit for the Necromancer kill because I did the heavy lifting before Hank's final blow.
Stats at the end, that kill would be mine, right? Like I, I was the one who loosened the jar. ... I was the one who did the damage.
With the Necromancer dead and the treasure secured, the truce officially expired. Big Cat and Hank engaged in a final duel to the death, which ended with Big Cat standing tall as the lone survivor of the original party, claiming his place at the top of the PMT D&D mountain.
Big CatI am the Wilt Chamberlain of Dungeons & Dragons based on my performance today.
I'm the Wilt Chamberlain numbers. ... I am the last survivor here, so you get all these experience points survived.
It was a legendary session that actually reached a conclusion, proving that even a group of idiots can save the world if they're willing to sacrifice a few friends along the way.
