PMT DB
PMT DB
Frank Thomas on White Sox, Steroids, and the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club
The Andrew Luck Book Club is dead to us. After the Colts quarterback took his literary talents to a rival podcast network, Big Cat and PFT Commenter officially severed ties and announced the birth of a much more accessible intellectual movement: The Blake Bortles Random Wikipedia Reading Club. Blake is already 100% in, proving once again that he is the people's quarterback.
PFT CommenterJoining the Wikipedia club will help you get at least two correct answers on Jeopardy in the next six months
I guarantee you that by joining our [Blake Bortles] Wikipedia club you're going to get like at least two correct answers in Jeopardy over the next six months. This is going to come in so handy for you, like way more practical than Andrew [Luck's book club].
Instead of slogged through 300-page books about rowing, the group is starting with the basics. The first assignments are the Wikipedia pages for "Snow" and the "1936 United States Olympic rowing team." It’s practical, it’s efficient, and it doesn’t require a solarium to finish.
Rougned Odor vs. Jose Bautista
Baseball finally gave us a real fight, and it was everything we’ve been waiting for. Rougned Odor landing a clean right cross on Jose Bautista’s jaw was a work of art, specifically because of the slow-motion footage of Bautista’s white Oakleys flying into orbit. PFT Commenter has some very specific advice for anyone facing off against the Rangers second baseman.
PFT CommenterYou should always throw the first punch against a man named Rougned Odor
Rule of thumb. You always throw the first punch against a guy named Rougned. That's a guy that can't go back. That's a guy that's got nothing to lose right there.
Big Cat pointed out that Bautista’s biggest mistake was assuming the unwritten rules of baseball would protect his face. He walked up to Odor expecting the usual chest-bumping and jersey-tugging that defines 99% of MLB "brawls."
Big CatJose Bautista didn't expect to be punched because real punches never happen in baseball fights
[Bautista] basically was like, I can guarantee that this won't happen because it's never, ever happened. I mean, the last time a true punch was thrown, Michael Barrett and AJ Pierzynski, I mean, it's been a long time. So he banked on that.
NBA Playoffs and Cleveland’s Tears
As the Raptors and Heat finally ended a series that felt like it lasted a decade, the conversation turned to the LeBron James-produced documentary trying to make everyone feel sorry for Cleveland. Big Cat isn't buying the "woe is us" act from a city that lives and dies with a certain college football powerhouse.
Big CatCleveland fans shouldn't complain about losing because they are all Ohio State fans who win every year
Everyone in Cleveland crying in their soup about all their losses. They're all Ohio State fans. And they win every fucking year. Shut up.
There is a weird dichotomy in Ohio sports fandom that the guys are still trying to parse out. It turns out you can hate the fans of one team while deeply respecting the suffering of another, even if they are literally the same humans.
Big CatI despise Cavaliers fans but have a kindred love for Browns fans, despite them being the same people
I fucking hate Cavs fans. I like Browns fans. I know they're the same people, and I know that makes me a dumb person... but I truly do despise Cavs fans and have almost like a kindred love for Browns fans.
The Big Hurt Joins the Show
Chicago White Sox legend and Hall of Famer Frank Thomas sat down with Big Cat to talk about his career, the current state of the Sox, and his rookie year near-death experience drag racing Ferraris with Jose Canseco. The Big Hurt didn't hold back when asked how he would have fared in the steroid era if he had decided to hop on the gas.
Frank ThomasIf I took steroids, I would have hit at least 70 home runs in a season
If you did take steroids, how many home runs do you think you could have hit in a season? 70. I was going to say 100, but okay. I would say 70. Yeah, because I remember so many balls being hit every year that just really were caught on the wall or hit off the top of the wall.
Frank also weighed in on the Adam LaRoche controversy that rocked the White Sox clubhouse earlier this season. While most players backed LaRoche, the Big Hurt took a more traditionalist stance on whether kids belong in the locker room.
Frank ThomasKids do not belong in a Major League clubhouse because it is a professional environment for grown men
Kids are not meant to be in a grown man environment. It's baseball. This is a job. There's things said day in and day out that kids should not hear... there are explosions in the clubhouse. Kids do not need to see that.
PR 101: The Steph Curry Problem
Steph Curry is too perfect, and it’s making people hate him. The guys brainstormed ways for the Warriors star to fix his public image, ranging from the mundane to the absolutely macabre. PFT Commenter thinks the solution is simple: Steph needs to show some human frailty.
PFT CommenterSteph Curry should get a divorce to become likable again because Americans love a broken person
My advice would be get a divorce. Nobody likes the married guy that's having sex with his hot wife all the time. If you're really good at your job, you get a divorce, you get a lot of sympathy from everybody... get everyone on your side immediately.
Big Cat initially took it a step further, suggesting that only a true family tragedy could cleanse the "hateability" currently surrounding the back-to-back MVP. He eventually walked it back to something a bit more manageable, like Curry accidentally tweeting out a graphic DM meant for his wife.
PFT CommenterAmericans do not like perfect people; they prefer athletes who fuck up like normal people
The bottom line is Americans don't like perfect... so just like make yourself more like us, you know, like get caught taking like sending a nude to somebody or sliding into somebody's DMs. Like be just like the rest of us normal Americans, you know, fucking up a little bit.
Finally, the guys checked in on the Olympics, which are apparently being "cancelled" again due to the Zika virus. They see right through the headlines, viewing the health scares as nothing more than a marketing ploy to get people to remember the games are actually happening.
Big CatOlympic cancellation rumors are just a PR stunt to remind people the Olympics are happening
I swear to God, they pretend it's canceled the Olympics every Olympics just to remind us the Olympics are coming... how else do you pump everyone up for the Olympics in the beginning of May?... Their whole PR 101 is they just remind you it's happening by scaring the fuck out of everyone.
Next time you're worried about a mosquito, just remember that a true patriot like PFT Commenter would endure any amount of gastrointestinal distress for the sake of American gold.
PFT CommenterI would trade four months of being sick with Zika to win a gold medal for my country
Why is it that big of a deal to get the Zika virus if you're going to get a gold medal? I would trade four months of being sick as a dog to win, not win it for myself, but win it for my country. I would shit through a screen door for four months if it meant that my country got a gold medal.
Stay tuned for the official Grit Tour 2016 route announcement coming later this week.
