PMT DB
PMT DB
Adam Silver finally flexed his muscles, and he decided to make the Los Angeles Clippers his primary target. Between the Kawhi Leonard fake tree deal and Steve Ballmer being Steve Ballmer, the league handed down a death penalty that makes the SMU era look like a slap on the wrist. Five first-round picks are gone, and Lawrence Frank is on ice for six months. Big Cat is convinced that while Ballmer can afford the fines, the real victims are the people who actually bought those new jerseys in the Intuit Dome.
Big CatClippers fans are the biggest losers of the NBA's investigation and punishment
I think the biggest loser is Clippers fans. They get screwed in this. Their owner and general manager do illegal things... And what is the punishment? Your team is now going to be in hell and suck for an extended period of time. That sucks for Clippers fans.
With ten first-round picks now effectively tied up in the Kawhi era between the trade and the penalties, the legacy of that move is shifting from 'bold' to 'disastrous.' Big Cat isn't holding back on where this ranks in the pantheon of terrible front-office decisions.
Big CatKawhi Leonard is the worst player acquisition of all time in sports history
Kawhi Leonard is now the worst trader or, or the worst acquisition of all time in sports. Ten first round picks... All for Kawhi Leonard to win zero rings. 47 games played average 47 games played in his seven seasons with the, with the LA Clippers. That is the worst player acquisition of all time.
Since the picks are already gone, the guys looked for a silver lining for the rest of the league. Big Cat wants to turn the Clippers' misfortune into some high-stakes entertainment for the mid-season tournament.
Big CatThe NBA should put the Clippers' forfeited picks up for the winner of the NBA Cup
Henry the Blasian said that if the NBA was smart, they would put these five picks up for the winner of the NBA cup, which would be fantastic. And you'd also add in the element of the clippers potentially being able to win back their own pick. Why not NBA do it?
Week 1 and Mt. Rushmore Season Wraps Up
College football is officially back, and even though the Week 1 slate isn't exactly a gauntlet of top-five matchups, Big Cat has his eyes on one specific ranked battle on Sunday night to anchor the weekend.
Big CatLouisville vs. Ole Miss is the must-watch game of Week 1 in college football
I'm excited for Louisville Ole Miss. I think everyone should tune into Louisville Ole Miss on Sunday night. That's the game we should all watch. I mean, it's the only ranked matchup all weekend... Top 10 team. That's the one I'm just so excited.
To close out the summer, Zac and Hank finally settled their differences in a Mt. Rushmore Duel to determine who truly deserved the last-place spot this season. The categories ranged from Guy's Names to Worst Lines to Wait In, and Zac immediately tried to play the numbers game with a pick that was more about volume than quality.
ZacMuhammad is the best 'volume' pick for a guy's name
I'm gonna go with Muhammad... per capita. It's maybe the number one. I like the volume pick.
Hank, on the other hand, went for the chalk with a pick that hits home for anyone who has ever tried to renew a license in person.
HankThe DMV is the worst line to wait in
DMV. Great pick. That's gotta be one one. Gotta be because it goes out of order too. Yeah. That bullshit. It is. Pick number sucks.
In a clean sweep, Hank defended his honor and avoided the ultimate punishment, proving that even a broken clock is right twice a day—or in Hank's case, a guy who occasionally thinks he's going to fix his entire life by Monday.
HankI'm going to win all my bets and get in shape this year
I'll go with, I'm going to win all my bets. Yeah. Really dumb thought. And I'm going to get in shape. These are daily thoughts I have.
Stavros Halkias in Studio
Friend of the program Stavros Halkias stopped by to promote his new Netflix special, *Fat Rascal*, and immediately reminded Big Cat and PFT that their professional success is a literal glitch in the matrix. Stavros, who is riding high off *Tires* and his own exploding career, was quick to point out that two guys who can barely read somehow becoming best-selling authors is a dark omen for the future.
Stavros HalkiasBig Cat and PFT having a New York Times bestseller marks the decline of society
But you guys having a New York Times bestseller is a mark of the decline of society. You two are barely literate... let alone everybody who works here, it's fucking insane... This is the kind of work that's like to get a C minus in a community college history paper.
Stavros is a Baltimore guy through and through, which means he's all-in on Lamar Jackson and significantly less impressed by the hype surrounding the new-look Bears. He even took a stray shot at Caleb Williams, which didn't exactly sit well with Big Cat's preseason optimism.
Stavros HalkiasCaleb Williams is a massive bust and a piece of shit.
That's why Caleb's a piece of shit. He's a fucking bust. And I, I was about to just hit PFT for no reason. But you didn't say anything. Please don't say something. I was, I was getting worked up...
While the guys have all found a way to bridge the gap between 'sewer rats' and mainstream media, Stavros has some thoughts on the handsome athletes who think they can just stroll into the podcasting world and take over. He's looking at the Kelce brothers specifically.
Stavros HalkiasSuccessful, handsome athletes like the Kelce brothers should stay out of podcasting because this industry is meant for rats.
Am I mad at the Kelce Brothers for coming into podcasting? Of course. Yeah. As we've said, this is for the rats. Yes. This is the sewer of entertainment. You shouldn't get to be Taylor Swift's husband. A handsome athlete. Your brother's an All-Pro Super Bowl winner, like with a beautiful family. Stay outta podcasting. You cocksuckers. This is for us.
The interview took a turn into the future of junk food, with Stavros predicting a scientific arms race between pharmaceutical companies and the people who make Doritos. He's ready for the 'Ozempic Busters.'
Stavros HalkiasJunk food companies are going to create 'Ozempic busters' that taste so amazing they defeat the weight-loss drug.
I've been thinking about this. The foods that evil companies are gonna create to beat Ozempic... like the chips, the ice creams... they're gonna taste so good. I can't wait. I can't wait for the Ozempic busters. They're in the lab trying to beat it. Make us fatter than ever.
Despite the Ravens' heartbreaks in the past, Stavros is refusing to let ring-culture dictate his happiness. He's doubling down on Lamar Jackson as the elite of the elite, predicting a massive season for Baltimore while Big Cat's Bears expectations are already starting to wobble.
Stavros HalkiasThe Ravens will win 11 games and the Super Bowl this season
I think we get 11 wins. Okay. Yeah. And then I think we're winning the Super Bowl. Lamar is the best in the fucking league... I think Lamar is due.
Fyre Fest of the Week
The show wrapped up with a heavy dose of Fyre Fest, mostly centered around the fallout of the Grudge Match in Florida. Hank and PFT are still reeling from getting boat-raced on camera, leading to a full-blown existential crisis for Hank regarding his lefty transition. PFT also took a moment to address the Rico Bosco 'egg-cident' from Camp Barstool, clarifying the exact threshold for when he stops turning the other cheek.
PFT CommenterI will turn the other cheek for one egg thrown at me, but two eggs crosses the line.
Every man has a line that you can't cross. My line is two eggs. If you throw one egg at me, I will turn my cheek. And the communist is fine. Like we can talk shit. But if you throw two eggs, I've run out of cheeks to turn.
Hank might be in 'NBA jail' with the Clippers, but at least he won the dual.
