College football would happen if the NCAA paid the athletes and made them employees

This is the one sport where they don't pay their athletes and if they pay their athletes, I actually think it would happen. They wish it'd basically be like, hey, do you want to get paid? Okay... the problem is the NCAA will do everything including cancel a season before they pay their athlete.

Nick Saban is more likely to die from having no football than from COVID-1{9}

The likelihood that [Nick Saban] dies from having no football is actually way higher than the likelihood that he dies from coronavirus. Exactly. You are putting his life at risk people who are deciding to cancel this.

Brooks Koepka was clearly injured at the PGA Championship and everyone mocking him should go fuck themselves

Brooks lost the course one. What the fuck do you want from us? Of course one this weekend. He didn't have he was hurt... if we were to make an excuse for Brooks, he was so clearly hurt and anyone who's talking bad about him right now can go fuck themselves.

I didn't need drugs or alcohol to do stunts because I am just a sober attention whore

I just learned that you take away the drugs and the alcohol from the waste an attention whore and then you get a sober attention whore and that's like really that's all there is to it. I never took painkillers for pain and I never did stunts because I was loaded. I just am an attention whore.

The genius of Jackass is its wholesomeness and lack of mean-spiritedness toward third parties

There's also finally something I believe actually pretty wholesome about the fact that and there's nothing mean-spirited and what we're doing... we're Reckless or we do terrible things to ourselves and to each other, but we're never cruel to third parties or to anybody else. So, you know, It's weird to say Jackass is wholesome but I think it does apply.

The true genius of Jackass is the genuine friendship and laughter between the cast

I think it is also just friendship like you guys always came across as, yeah, you'd fight or there be fucked up things you do to each other, but you'd always make each other laugh and when you make each other laugh it like kind of fills the room of like, oh my God, they're having a great time.

Jackass 4 will be a hit because the first week of production was explosive

We were one week into production where when she got shut down, but that's actually a good thing because that week was so barking explosive... in that one week we proved ourselves... there's full confidence for me that it's going to be a hit.

Derrick Rose's new Yeezy shoes look like a cartoon fish skeleton

The ye ziddi roses... It looks like a fish in a cartoon after they eat it. Pretty much... like a herringbone that's been sucked dry by a cartoon cat.

Damian Lillard's loyalty gives him the right to call out Paul George for switching teams

And then Dame obviously said Paul George like you keep, you know, switching teams. You don't want the hard work, which if you're Damian Lillard you get to say that argument because you are you have it in for the Trailblazers your entire life. You get to make that argument.

The seeds from China are 'murder gourds' designed to destroy American pumpkins and cancel Halloween

He planted him seeds and a gourd pops out. Personally I think that the gourd was... going to try to harm American gourds with some sort of disease or murder gourds. And guess what's a very American gourd? Pumpkin. Trying to cancel Halloween exactly.