Tom Brady will sign a one-day contract to retire as a New England Patriot

He is going to New England. He is signing a one-day Patriot contract. There is going to be a ceremony.

Tom Brady's retirement is a '3D chess' move to eventually return to the Patriots

Tom Brady unretires, comes back, plays for the Patriots, and that's why he's not thanking the Patriots yet... This is 3D chess. He's using this to go back to the Patriots because the Buccaneers, he doesn't think, can take him to another Super Bowl. But the Patriots could.

No starting quarterback will ever touch Tom Brady's record of seven Super Bowl wins

Seven Super Bowls will not — I'm going to safely — I really do not think that will be touched by a starting quarterback.

Arm length doesn't matter for a tackle as long as the quarterback doesn't have tiny hands

Arm length doesn't always dictate everything. If you have a guy that's got short arms that's playing tackle, it's not the end of the world unless maybe you also have a quarterback with tiny hands, in which case it's like synergy factors. Right. Where if the guy with short arms can't block the guy and then the guy with tiny hands gets hit, more likely to fumble.

You should never order appetizers at a steakhouse to maximize your sides

I'm of the mindset now that you don't need any appetizers at steakhouses. It's, it's a good place to run Zero apps... You don't need the calamari at a steakhouse... The sides at a steakhouse are elite. The mashed potatoes are always elite... mac and cheese always elite at a steakhouse, you wanna maximize your sides to go with a steak.

Trent Williams is the rare offensive lineman who is actually fun to watch play

Trent Williams is a joy to have on your team. He's just a fucking bully. He's also the rare offensive lineman where you have fun watching him play. Like after the ball was snapped, my eyes would just go to Trent Williams because it's like this guy, we might throw an interception, but Trent Williams might punch a guy in the throat.